“War Horse” or “Whore Horse”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “War Horse“. Steven Spielberg finally tackles bestiality in this magical tale of a boy and his love for his horse. The story starts off with a boy named Albert Narracott (Jeremy Irvine) who meets a horse named Joey, and it’s love at first sight. They are head over heels for each other, start dating and plowing immediately. Unfortunately World  War I pops off and his dad sells Joey the horse to some English pimp and he has to go off to war with the pimp. The English pimp and Joey sleep together and then have to fight in the war. Then Joey the horse gets kidnapped by the Germans, and gets banged by them and ends up in a barn where a little girl find him and steals him. She eventually rides him for a while, but the Germans come back for him and make him pull cannons up hills for their asses. Eventually Joey the horse has had enough and goes ape shit and runs through trenches and barbed wire an gets tangled up and hurt, but an English solider breaks his ass free and takes him to his army camp. There they are going to shoot him in the head, but his first love Albert is there and is blind and can hear Joey the horse bitching. So Albert whistles for him and they are reunited and go back to the farm together to get married and live in happiness forever. They even start a Horse/Man love group together for others to join in their village. So if you love the non magical Steven Spielberg films, horses, Germans, hillsides, horses running, horses pissed off, and being bored then this movie is for you. It was not for me.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Steve bores me these days. He even looks bored next to Warhorse.

Steven+Spielberg+War+Horse+UK+Premiere+jcd4PEi3_cul

B. Here they are kissing.

WAR HORSE

C. It turns out the only horse movie that I like is “The Last Unicorn“. I believe in her ass! Also “My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic“. It’s sad that animated ponies can pull more emotion out of me than this real ass horse did.

D. Someone tell Steven he lives on an ivory tower now.

E. Their Facebook relationship photo.

War-Horse-007

F. Ummm this horse should have talked and sounded like Sean Connery.

G.  I don’t ride horses. Fuck that.

H. The little whore Joey cheated with.

war-horse-7

I. Horses dicks are too big let’s be real.

J. I would rather visit a glue factory.

K. Warhorse pissed.

war-horse

L. Horse shit.

M. The score was generic and forgettable by John Williams.

N. Steven’s last boring films. “War Horse“,”Lincoln“, “The Adventures of Tintin“, “Munich“, “The Terminal

N. This poster is fuckin creepy.

war-horse-art_510

2 thoughts on ““War Horse” or “Whore Horse”- my fuckin review

  1. hahaha that was great!

    still haven’t seen this piece of shit and don’t need to, fucking hate horses, wish they would just get their queer little dainty asses off this earth forever!

    go shit and piss somewhere else, idiots!

    and why the hell are the owners so gay for them?

    ugh.

    that whore horse and his bitch really need to get a room.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s