“A Good Day To Die Hard” or “Nobody Died With A Hard-On”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for the movie “A Good Day to Die Hard“, which is the 5th “Die Hard” film. Okay so the movie starts off with Bruce Willis going to see his son Jack, who has been arrested in Russia. Bruce gets there and ends up in the middle of some terrorist spy shit that his son is involved in. It turns out his son is really working for the fuckin C.I.A. and is trying to save some Russian dude. Now a huge 20 minute chase scene begins with some bad guys chasing his son Jack, and Bruce chasing the bad guys. They are all driving big ass trucks through the streets of Russia and running over and destroying everything in their path. I think they killed like 50 innocent Russians. One Cop did show but he died. Also I watched this movie in IMAX so it was super loud, and I was screaming at the top of my lungs and you couldn’t hear me because of all the Russians being crunched on-screen. Now here comes the SHITTY banter between father and son. You see they don’t get along at all. So while they are in the middle of gun fights and bombs blowing up and shit, they talk about their father and son issues. Let’s stop here for a minute. If someone is shooting at me and trying to kill me, all issues are put to the fuckin side until the bullets are done flying. I don’t give a fuck about your issues with me, or the ones I have with you while people are trying to kill us. Okay now back to the action, helicopters are flying everywhere shooting missiles and shit, and they even end up at Chernobyl with a double  Shyamalan Twist. Okay did I like this movie? No. The action was fun and loud, but that was literally it. Bruce Willis was not the same character he played from the first few films. His jokes were weak and lame, and they made a lot of old man jokes, even though he doesn’t even seem old. I mean shit you can be 80 years old and still pull a fuckin trigger, how much strength does it take to do that. I miss the witty John McClane character from the other films. In this movie he just acting like an old man and even worse like your fuckin dad who was moody with you for 2 hours. They should have released this shit on Fathers Day! The cast was a snooze but I did like that it took place in Russia. Except for when they destroyed the whole country. Okay so if you like Bruce Willis playing an old man, and you love how your dad gets on your nerves, would like a tour of Russia, and want to see shit blow up then this movie is for you. The dialogue was laughable, forgettable and disappointing. It could have been really funny, but was not. We get it, 80’s action stars are older. That shit ain’t funny.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Father and son jokes are not funny. Jai Courtney did okay as his son, when he wasn’t complaining about being his son.

Die-Hard-5-Good-Day-To-Die-Hard

B. Old man action star jokes are not funny.

C. Blowing shit up is funny.

D.WTF happened to his wife Bonnie Bedelia.

Die-Hard-bonnie-bedelia-6787770-853-480
E. Stop killing innocent Russians.

F. Everyone in Russia drives this to work.

a-good-day-to-die-hard

G. This track by Marco Beltrami was pretty amazing though.

H. Bruce hanging out of car, that is hanging out of a helicopter, but yet he is old.

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I. Honesty Batman took less punishment in all 3 Dark Knight movies than Bruce Willis did in this movie. I would have been throwing up and shitting until I died the first 15 minutes of this movie if I were in it. Yet they need to tell us his old constantly, but he can do more shit than Batman.

J. I hope I die “Hard”.

K. I wanted him to say “Yippee Ki-Yay Mother Fuckin Russia” in the movie so I made this poster.

mother-russia_810x1200ew copy

2 responses to ““A Good Day To Die Hard” or “Nobody Died With A Hard-On”- my fuckin review

  1. I remember when John McClane was just a human and we connected with him, man to man, man to woman and man to child. All of that is lost and given in hopes to a yelling, annoying John McClane that is almost like a superhero nowadays. Nice review Eddie.

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