“Oblivion” or “Tom Cruise Survived Oblivion Thanks To Scientology” – my fuckin review

Here is my movie review for “Oblivion“. Okay so the movie starts in the future and the Earth is a shit bowl. Aliens attacked it back in the day and shut humanity down, except for Tom Cruise (I don’t know his character name because he is Tom Cruise in everything), and some chick. They both live in an apartment designed by APPLE and have to fix drones that fly around and shoot at humans on the ground dressed like black chickens. The entire planet is overgrown with dirt and the tops of building are now the front doors of those buildings. Tom eventually runs in Morgan Freeman and some other humans and he learns some secrets about humanity and the aliens and shit. Then the fight is on to stop aliens we never see. In the end Tom realizes that one of him on a movie screen is not enough, but what he doesn’t realize is that one Cruise on-screen is already one too many. Okay so this movie looked really pretty and everything looked real and shit, but honestly it was like watching a boring video about the Earth on the Discovery Channel. Look at this busted up building that is over grown with dirt, or woods, or snow-capped mountains, or desert. Think Tom Cruise’s vacation video with really good score and effects. Still boring though. This movie really was long and wooden and the end of the film was whatever. So if you love Tom Cruise, Apple, Earth without people on it, and aliens you don’t see then this is the movie for you. I will never watch this movie again. Wait for Netflix or the Syfi Channel.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Tom Cruise plays fake baseball in this movie in a broken down stadium. I hated that. That is a like a douche bag at a party playing air drums, because they can’t dance.

B. When will our houses look like APPLE.

Andrea-Riseborough-Victoria-Oblivion

C. If you dress up like a black chicken it’s not scary, I just want to eat you.

D. Joseph Kosinski directed this movie. (TRON: Legacy)

E. Tom does this a lot in the film, just staring at shit.

Tom-Cruise-Oblivion-wallpapers-9 fusion reactors

F. M.8.3 composed the score to this movie. Here is a track.

G. Tom Cruise fought himself at one point. I bet he couldn’t wait to see two of himself on-screen at the same time. I beat he jerks off to himself in movies.

image

H. Morgan Freeman is good in anything.

I. The ED 209 probes looked real.

oblivion_movie_drone

J. Zoe Bell was in this movie in the background. I love her. She should have been a main character.

K. The poster tells you nothing.

movies-tom-cruise-morgan-freeman-oblivion

8 responses to ““Oblivion” or “Tom Cruise Survived Oblivion Thanks To Scientology” – my fuckin review

  1. This movie was way too long and boring. I didn’t understand most of the movie either. The poster is misleading too since Morgan Freeman only appears in a small part of it.

  2. I think it is a possible look ti the future . In my opinion the movie was good ….. no overweight scifi movie with many explosions and no history

  3. Pingback: Tom Cruise Oblivion | Gegenwallpaper.com

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