“Man of Steel” or “Superfast” -my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Man of Steel“. Ok so the movie starts off and Krypton is a bust because of Russell Crowe (Jor-El). He is like “listen Kryptonians, we gotta dip, this planet is broken as fuckkkkkk”. They don’t listen to him so he sends his only child Kal-El (Jesus) to Earth and that pisses Zod off. Then Zod and his evil gang all go to jail in the Phantom Zone (which sounds like the best dance club I have ever heard of). Meanwhile time passes and Superman is all grown up on Earth and saving bitches and hoes across the planet. He gets a new suit and thinks about his childhood a lot. As a kid he is different and gets picked on all day. As an adult he is on the down low, and is on the run from people knowing he is Super. Later he meets up with Lois Lane, when he comes out of the super closet and says “I’m here, I’m Super, Deal with it”. Now Zod and his evil gang show up to fight Superman and fuck up the Earth, IHOP and Sears. Okay so I dug this movie a lot, but I didn’t love it (PS I love Superman movies and cartoons and shit). I think the cast was great except for Amy Adams, she is cool in other movies and I like her, but she was boring as Lois Lane. Henry Cavill made a great emotional Superman and you believe his ass is super, because he is doing all kinds of shit that the other films never showed you he could do. My biggest problem with the film, which may not be a problem for some, is how fast it moves. It is literally non-stop action, with short little breaks of emotion. It felt like an hour-long, and it’s over 2 hours long. They needed to pump the breaks here and there, because it was like watching a long ass trailer. Ya know, action, one line, action, one line, action, one line, etc. Just when you thought you were about to find some emotion with Superman in his past, they would cut back to some action. Action porn! If you go in expecting “The Dark Knight Rises” and that films structure, then you are not going to get it (people keep asking me if it’s like the Batman movies, it’s not). This film really is non-stop and doesn’t stop at all. It feels weird even saying that non-stop can be bad sometimes, but it can be. You will see what I’m saying when you see it. They did flesh out the ideas and concepts that surround Superman more, like his family, feeling weird growing up, his costume symbol, Krypton technology, etc. Which I loved. It really is a fun movie though and it’s like a roller coaster ride. Think of it that way, you know, shit flying by fast while you are riding it. Honestly it was like Superman 1 and 2 were smooshed together into one mega film, but just the action parts. I think this is back lash from the “Superman Returns” movie. Everyone complained about how emotional and boring that film was. So now they were like fuck that, make this new one non-stop action. I guess they gave the people what they wanted. I want to see it twice, just so I can take it all in the second time. I really felt overwhelmed by everything when i watched it. Don’t get me wrong I really did like it a lot, but I didn’t love it. I wanted to love it though. So if you love Superman, non stop action, Sears, IHOP, Russell Crowe, people getting tossed around, no red underwear as outerwear, Sci-fi, and fast emotion then this is the movie for you. I dug it a lot, but I can’t say I loved it on all levels. Go see it for sure! You will have a fun ride! See this movie in IMAX it makes a difference.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. There is no footage or short little scenes about sequels in the end credits. This is a huge mistake on DC’s part. Everyone in the theater waited for this extra shit like Marvel does and it didn’t happen. They fucked up.

B. The theme song is really good, but they didn’t use this one enough. Listen it’s hot.

C. Henry Cavill is a good Superman but not a good Clark Kent, because he looks like a fuckin mega model and everyone in a fuckin room would turn and stare at him every time he comes into a room. He ain’t nerdy.

supermantakesflight2

Not in a Super suit. Imagine this guy walking into your office and him trying to hide the fact that he is Superman.  haha Give me a break. Shit, straight guys would turn gay over this dude.

Man-of-Steel-Clark-Kent-Fortress-of-Solitude-Superman-Henry-Cavill

D. I love all the new super shit he is doing in this movie. Breaking shit, punching people in fast forward, smashing buildings, etc.

E. Zack Snyder directed this movie. (300WatchmenSucker Punch).

F. Michael Shannon as Zod was cool but I wish he had more memorable lines. They were just lines of dialogue, nothing to quote. You don’t love or even dislike him. He is just there.

man_of_steel_14

G. I wonder if anyone is going to buy and ticket and ask for “Man of Steel” or just say “Superman”.

H. Seriously slow down, we want action but we want characters too boo. Non-Stop action can be a bad thing. Superman moves Superfast! I hope they have a uncut version with more character development.

I. Here is a pic of the new Ursa from Superman II.  In the new movie her character’s name is Faora-Ul (Antje Traue),  which was the original name, but they changed it to Ursa for whatever reason back in the 1980s. They switched it back to Faora in “Man of Steel”

New Ursa aka Faora she is emotionless, but she fights fast as fuck and that’s hot.

Man-of-Steel-Antje-Traue-as-Faora

Old Ursa from Superman 2. She is more memorable and hotter.

Ursa_superman

She had cool ass lines and delivered them like solid gold. Watch!

J. Kevin Costner is boring in this movie. He is boring in everything he does. Sorry Kevin you bore me.

K. I am excited about sequels with this cast, and I hope Brainiac shows up because Lex Luther is done to death! I really wish they would have had a scene to promote future Superman movies or a Justice League movie in the end credits or some shit. LAME AS FUCK!

L. I do love watching all these Superman movies. Flying people, Sci-Fi nuttiness, and Laser beam eyes. It’s pretty cool no matter how you cut it. You should go see this in IMAX.

M. You don’t see  Superman’s Superdick in this movie, you do however see a Superbaby Superdick. GROSS AND CREEPY!

N. A lot of the fight scenes looked like the video game “Injustice: Gods Among Us”. I love that.

O. He flies fast as fuck!

man-of-steel-poster-1

2 thoughts on ““Man of Steel” or “Superfast” -my fuckin review

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s