“World War Z” or “Brad Pitt Saves The World From Angry Crazy People” my fuckin review

Here is my movie review for “World War Z“. Brad Pitt shows up with an annoying family and then shit hits the fan. Cars and people start blowing up and his family cries a lot and doesn’t know what Marshall Law is. They do want a blankie though. Brad used to work for the government as something big and bad ass, but they never say what it is. Even though he is retired he was so good at whatever he did that the government flies helicopters in to rescue him and his family. I mean the world is fucked and angry crazy people are killing anything in their paths, and the government has time to fly in and save some guy who “used” to be some bad ass. The president is fuckin dead, and they have time for Brad Pitt. Now Brad is in charge of finding patient zero, with some scientist dude, and they fly around the world looking for clues and then get chased out of wherever they are by those angry crazy people. This happens a few times. Remember Brad is supposed to be some bad ass, but he really just runs away a lot. In the end he figures something out and saves humanity and then he gets back with his family. Freeze frame on hugging at the end. Yay? We also find out at the end these angry crazy people were zombies, but they don’t look like zombies. They look the line for the film itself. OK so this movie is forced, weird and honestly boring at times. It really is just a cookie cutter cardboard action movie. Ya know,  a hero who loves his family, and then saves the day. It’s PG-13 and there is barely any blood and nobody gets eaten. The zombies really don’t look like zombies to me, and I don’t understand what the zombies wanted. They didn’t eat people or their flesh or even want their wallets. They just ran around a lot, and bite a bitch once then run away. Honestly Brad just goes from one place to the next getting people killed and then leaving. This film is not scary and the theater I saw it in was packed and laughed every time they showed a zombie. That is not a good sign, when the audience is laughing at your threat or monster in your movie. Also I have never read the book so I’m not judging it on some previous knowledge or whatever. I don’t know shit about the book. So if you love Brad Pitt, family values, angry crazy people stacked on top of each other, cargo pants, annoying kids, and NO blood then this is the movie for you. I was bored and I will never watch this movie again.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. We get it, families are important, but they will get in the way and get you killed. If my family was this annoying I would have left all their asses standing on the fuckin curve bitch.

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B. Here is a list of my top 12 favorite zombie movies. https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/my-top-12-zombie-films-i-love-to-watch/

C. Marc Forster directed this movie (Quantum of SolaceFinding Neverland).

D. Here is a pic of a zombie, they just look like angry people getting off the fuckin subway. The audience we saw it with laughed every time they showed a zombie on-screen.

Zombie-from-World-War-Z

E. I think I saw Matthew Fox as an extra in this movie? WHAT THE FUCK?

F. I was more scared of Brad’s hair than the zombies.

G. Theses zombies want  to get to the living so bad they will climb on top of each other to get to them. They  do not eat people or flesh or whatever. They literally run at top speed to get to them to just bite them. Like one bite. Then move on. Somebody explain to me what the zombies wanted? Did they just want to infect people? I am confused.

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H. The movie ends with another family value moment and a freeze frame. HAHA the audience laughed.

I. I wish his wife in the movie was played by Julianne Moore.

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J. This movie should have been called “Angry people who want to spread their anger disease”.

K. I am not scared of CGI zombies stacked on top of each other. Yeah technology is amazing, but that shit DON’T LOOK REAL BITCH!

L. This Walmart Black Friday sale is scarier than the movie. Maybe the zombies in the movie were looking for deals.

M. My friend Max Fisher made this poster of me in this movie. The poster just looks like it will be some sort of war movie. Notice no zombies in the poster. It could be a war about saving the fuckin alphabet for all we know.

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2 responses to ““World War Z” or “Brad Pitt Saves The World From Angry Crazy People” my fuckin review

  1. They weren’t supposed to be zombies. Surely you already knew that. The reason why you never once saw one of the “zombies” (in the movie they were more accurately described as the “undead” because we all have this preconceived notion that zombies are SUPPOSED to eat people) eat anyone is because that wasn’t their “purpose”. It was more of a virus that’s primary instinct was to infect and spread. It didn’t want flesh or blood – it just wanted to take over any healthy host and have those fools spread and infect other living hosts. I personally thought it was a great spin on “zombie” movies. It was a little boring at times but it was a breath of fresh air to see the undead not chomping on people’s intestines as if they were chewy gummy worms. I love you reviews. The first one I read was “Sinister” and I was dead on the floor laughing my ass off. “Take off the fuckin sweater” – I couldn’t understand why he was fuckin wearing that thing throughout the entire movie either. It bugged the shit outta me. Good shit, Eddie Ray. Keep writin them jive ass reviews, you awesome motherfucker.

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