“Elysium” or “Matt Damon Saves Latino Earth” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Elysium“. Okay so the movie starts off with Matt Damon as a little white boy and he is poor as shit. He meets some chick and they fall in love when they are kids.  Get real! Now it’s the future and he is all grown up living on Earth. Earth is now completely Latino expect for Matt Damon. All the honkeys live up on a pretty ass space station with Jodie Foster. Everyone on Earth is poor and everyone on the space station is rich and they have machines up there that can literally cure everything! Even if your face is blown apart, somehow it heals you back to normal. So now Matt is sick and wants to get healed so he needs to get up in that space station, but Jodie has sent the Crocodile Hunter (Sharlto Copley) to kill him. In the end there are some spaceships, racist robots, racist rich people, Matt Damon and Crocodile Hunter have a boring fight scene. Okay I wanted to like this movie, but a lot of it didn’t make sense to me, and Matt Damon should have been Latino. Instead another honkey saves the day in a movie. Jodie Foster was doing some weird ass accent that you will hate, and the bad guy really did sound so silly to me.  Meanwhile the robots look real and I wish the story would have been about them being racist against humans. The fight scene at the end was like a human version of Rock’em Sock’em robots. HOKEY ASS SHIT! So I would say skip it or rent it. So if you love that Matt Damon is white, Earth is full of poor Latinos,  Jodie Foster sounding weird, and a pretty space station then this movie is for you. It was not for me.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I would have rather seen white people dying and being poor and Latin folks running the world.

B. Ge outta my habitat.

elysium-trailer-1

C. Neill Blomkamp directed this movie and District 9.

D. The robots looked real.

E. Matt Damon’s character should have been played by George Lopez.

george-lopez

F. Jodie Foster looked cool but sounded like shit.

elysium16

G. Score was composed by Ryan Amon. It was boring and forgettable.

H. If I was all the way Latino I would I have walked out.

I. This review was Latina approved by Vanessa Palacios.

J. Boring Iron Man style fight scene at the end of the movie.

elysium-1

K. If I was all the way Latino I would have punched white people in the lobby while walking out.

L. This poster is a drag.

elysium_ver2_xlg

5 responses to ““Elysium” or “Matt Damon Saves Latino Earth” my fuckin review

  1. This sounds right spot-on. During the movie, I was like ‘why is Matt playing a latino character?’ If the main character was supposed to be a latino why didn’t they cast one instead of Matt? None-the-less, it was very dissappointing.

  2. Pingback: “Chappie” or “The Band Die Antwoord Raises A Robot”- my fuckin review | EDDIE RAY BREAKS THAT SHIT DOWN!

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