“Maleficent” or “Masyphilis” or “Dead Men Don’t Rape”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Maleficent“. This is not your mother’s Sleeping Beauty. Okay the movie starts of in a fairyland down the road from a big ass castle. A little demon girl known as Maleficent is flying around and happy and shit in fairyland. She eventually runs into a boy human and they start dating and chilling, even though he was caught stealing. Cut to years later, to a grown up Jolie Maleficent and the boy thief who is now a man. He has beens busy lately with work at the castle, but one night they are chilling and he drugs her then cuts off her wings (rape for fairies) so that he can be king in human land. Later Maleficent awakens and is pissed off and waits until he has his baby’s 1st birthday party. She didn’t get invited. I would be pissed too. She shows up and throw shade and a curse on Sleeping Beuaty.For some reason will take 16 years to pop off. UMMMM I would have shut that whole kingdom down that day. Fuck em. Now these 3 creepy as fuck versions of Hocus Pocus take Sleeping Beauty to raise in the woods. These 3 fairies are dumb as shit, and so Maleficent has to step in secretly to raise a bitch from the sidelines. PS Sleeping Beauty (Elle Fanning) is all bubbles and giggles and is a ding-dong. I would have written her the same way though so I am okay with it. Later shit hits the fan and Maleficent has to shut that rapists kingdom down. Okay so yeah I liked this movie and I was surprised about the twists and turns in it. It was definitely updated to make sense in 2014. Angelina Jolie is great as Maleficent and you buy what she is selling. She got that weird ass Lady Gaga makeup on and elf ears too. I’m not sure if I have liked another movie she has been in. The ending was great and you finally see what “True Love” really means. It really feels like a rape/revenge story which was interested and fucked up. I really like the overall message of the film too. So if you love Maleficent, Sleeping Beauty, crows, Angelina, magic, horns, dragons, demon wings, and getting drugged then this is the movie for you and your kids. I dug it and would see it again. Take your kids maybe they will learn that true love is not about a boyfriend or girlfriend all the time. It can mean many things in this world.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Malefi-a-hoes for this Halloween.Vile-Villains---Maleficent

B. Marlinda Phillips as Maleficent.

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C. Fuck rapists. I would have destroyed the entire kingdom.

D. I love green smoke and or fog.

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E. Little Maleficent with her future rapist. She looks like a demon I would run from her.

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F. I you rape me and then don’t invite me to your party. I will fucking level your city.

G. She was all giggles. Pretty and dingy.

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H. The 3 fairies scared the shit out of me. Fuck them.

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I. Prince Phillip was not good enough for Sleeping Beauty. She was like whatever to him.

J. They should have literally just recast Hocus Pocus as the 3 fairies.

Hocus-Pocus

K. I really do love that Maleficent is good guy and a bad guy. How she overcame her hate and learned to love again. It makes for a more interesting character that an audience can relate to.

L. I love this Apple products approach.

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One thought on ““Maleficent” or “Masyphilis” or “Dead Men Don’t Rape”- my fuckin review

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