“Lucy” or “You Only Need 1% Of Your Brain To Watch This Movie” – My Fucking Review

Here is my review for “Lucy“. Okay the movie starts off with Scarlett Johansson (Lucy) dating some shit head who tricks her into going into some building to deliver a briefcase. There she is taken prisoner by Min-sik Choi and he puts a bag of drugs inside her body and then sew her ass back up. So that way she can smuggle that shit to another country. The drug bag breaks inside her and she starts getting super powers. They make her fly up onto the ceiling and she instantly knows karate and talks really pretentious. She also starts shooting and killing people. Now she is using more than 10% of her brain. Supposedly this means smarter, faster, stronger, hotter, meaner, etc. Her percentage goes up every once and while in the film in the hopes she gets to 100%. She calls Morgan Freeman and she wants to hang out with him because he knows about brain percentages. On the way she meets this French cop who is boring and irrelevant. Later Min-sik Choi is still after her cuz she has the drugs they put in her. She can somehow make computers do all this crazy shit now, but I am not sure how. You can’t make a car fly without rebuilding it to fly first and I don’t care how smart you are. Anyway….. She eventually is too smart for her own good and is able to go back in time to visit a monkey version of herself and a T-Rex. I’m serious. A FUCKIN T-REX!!!! Then she literally turns into a huge ooze computer, then downloads herself into a space jump drive for Morgan Freeman to play with. I’d like to see you plug that space jump drive up to my 2014 computer and not blow it up. Meanwhile she is literally everywhere at the end of the film and is in cell phones. Like Siri. This is the prequel to the movie “Her” I guess. Okay so this movie was too much and trying to be “2001: A Space Odyssey“, Maybeeeee??? Its not and it doesn’t make sense. They used fuzzy logic to explain shit. It’s like 1970’s science. Wrong. Aren’t we tired of seeing pretty white girls with pretty white powers yet? Boring. It was just too much and yet not enough. If you wanna see another sci-fi movie that Scarlett J. is in rent “Under the Skin“. It’s creepy and real. This one is like watching a hokey Discovery Channel show with Morgan F. narrating it with made up science shit. So if you like Scarlett, guns, T-Rexs, Morgan Freeman, silly logic, Ooze computers, space jump drives and blue drugs you will like this movie, but you will not love it. I will never watch it again.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. She can see phone calls. I don’t want to see phone calls.

lucy-movie-scarlett-johansson

B. We already use 100% of our brains. Sorry to ruin it for you.

Here is a USA TODAY video about it.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2014/07/29/how-much-of-brain-do-we-use/13310955/

another article

http://psychology.about.com/od/biopsychology/a/10-percent-of-brain-myth.htm

C. Here Morgan says he is tired of Blonde White Bitches saving the world.

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D. This shit doesn’t make sense at one point she is time traveling, changing her hair color, and making people pass out. Ummm she’s a witch. That’s magic bitch.

E. They had a countdown (up) clock to get from 10% to 100% the entire movie. That shit was annoying too. If this was made in 1989 the audience would have bought it more. Now the world is smarter.

F. Luc Besson Directed this movie (La Femme NikitaLéon: The ProfessionalThe Fifth Element).

Also this Madonna music video. His shit made more sense in the 90’s. This Madonna video is boring by the way.

G. Min-sik Choi chases Lucy even though at one point this bitch is turning into a fuckin Ooze computer. UMMMMM I would run screaming. Keep the drugs trick.

lucy-2014-movie-screenshot-kang

H. The entire movie they keep cutting to animals hunting, or eating or fucking. It was annoying and silly. We get it humans are like animals. Shut the fuck up. We ain’t learning bitch!

I. Here Scarlett watches the movie “Lucy” for the first time.

article-2595619-1CC585C300000578-227_634x525

J. Eric Serra composed the score. His scores are disorganized and forgettable.

K. Boring Poster.

lucy-scarlett-johansson-poster-646x1024

This should have been the poster and it should have starred Lucille Ball as Lucy killing people.

womenwhochangedamerica-lucille-ball-1 copy copy copy copy

 

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