“Oculus” or “The Mirror is Evil, Bitch”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Oculus“. Okay the film is about this family that moves into a new house. A dad, two kids (brother and sister) and the mom Starbuck. They decide to buy this big fucked up evil mirror for their modest house. The dad puts it in his home office and then shit starts going wrong. Evil shit pops off and Starbuck gets uglier and uglier each day. People are eventually killed and the two kids grow up (Karen Gillan and Brenton Thwaites) dramatized as fuck. Now the sister decides to find the mirror again and bring it back to their childhood home to see if activates again or maybe she wants revenge on it? Who knows. So her and the brother are now seeing shit and doing crazy shit cuz the mirror is evil. In the end a demonic mirror will always win over twenty somethings with no training on how to shut demons down. Okay so big ass mirrors aren’t really scary to me. There were a couple of moments that might make you jump, but the mirror keeps playing tricks on everyone in the film and that gets a little old. I love horror movies and I know that people do stupid shit in them a lot, but everyone hates that so why do it? I forgive the parents for buying the ugly ass mirror because they don’t have any taste, and they didn’t know it was evil. The grown up kids are just stupid though and get what they deserve. Why? Because the mirror killed people they loved and they watched it do fucked up shit  and now you want to bring it back and look into it again. Shut up. Fuck that mirror, fuck demon Starbuck and fuck those kids. I would have burned the house down and never worried about finding the mirror again. So if you love mirrors, demon Starbuck, white people doing stupid shit, flashbacks, and glowing eyes this movie is for you. It was not for me, watch it for free on Netflix one night.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Demon Starbuck (Katee Sackhoff). Is she scary?

Oculus-Katee-Sackoff

B. Mike Flanagan directed this move (Absentia).

C. Never buy a creepy ass mirror for your Ikea looking home.

D. The brother was also Prince Phillip in “Maleficent“. Now he is fighting demon mirrors. I wish he would have fought the mirror as Prince Phillip.

normal_02~4

This Queen

Oculus-Brenton-Thwaites

Now you gotta gun.

E. Never re-buy a creepy ass mirror if your parents were killed by it.

F. The score was composed by The Newton Brothers. It was boring and forgettable.

G. Here is a poll for you to take.

H. Don’t think you can outsmart a demon or demon mirror. They are smarter than you. They are eternal or some shit. You have been alive for like 20 years and watched MTV and Vines and shit. You are dumb bitch.

I. Fuck revenge when it involves a demonic mirror. You will lose bitch.

J. Honestly look at this mirror. What the fuck did you think was going to happen.

Oculus-2

K. Hahaha

oculus_ver2

 

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