“Avengers: Age of Ultron” or “Avengers: Ultra Spader”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Avengers: Age of Ultron“. Okay so I love Joss Whedon‘s shit. I’m not a huge Marvel fan but I enjoyed the first “The Avengers” movie, the “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” and the “Guardians of the Galaxy” so far the most. I also enjoy that at least Marvel is making all this shit connect. Okay so this time the Avengers are all back. Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Black Widow, The Hulk, and Hawk Eye get back that Loki staff and try to make artificial intelligence out of it somehow. It ends up making a robot named Ultron that is James Spader. Ultra Spader is now born and pissed. He gets twins named Quicksilver and Scarlett Witch to help him (he can run fast and she can control people with her mind and rip things apart). Now the Avengers must save the world from Ultra Spader while dealing with personal problems like Hulk love, Hawk Eye having kids, and a purple robot showing up. In the end more shit pops off, more superheroes sign up and some learn that the real adventure is raising kids and having a family. Okay so Joss Whedon is a good director and he knows how to get a cast of people together and make them believable and make them look they are having fun. He also makes his villains seem real and funny. You know like real people.  Whedon makes lovable bad guys! This movie is even bigger than the first movie and they packed it full of cameos and crazy ass shit. You will be overwhelmed. Which is a good thing I guess, because I was never bored. They do take some time to find some emotion with each character so you give shit about what they are doing and where they are going. They tried with the two new twin characters but to me they were boring and forgettable. Meanwhile the rest of the cast knows how to sell their shit and you love seeing them again hanging out and blowing shit up. It’s a movie that should be seen on the big screen for sure. Go see their big asses. So if you love Marvel, the Avengers, Joss Whedon, a shit load of superheroes running around and everyone and their mom in this movie then go see it. You will have fun watching it if you are not tired of superhero movies yet.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Ultron was a good bad guy because he was written and played real. One of James Spader‘s best roles.

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B. 2015 is the year of “family is the real adventure” in storylines. A character will quit the team to go be with their wife/husband and kids. Learning the lesson that family is the real adventure, not all the fun you are having with all these superheroes and shit. Shut the fuck up! Is this some sort of weird Millennial plot? Ummmmmm How bout I keep my job saving the world and take care of this shitty family too. So the kids have a planet to take a shit on and I keep paying the bills!

C. Captain America makes sense in a weird way to me. He is disillusioned by America. They were smart to write him this way. Chris Evans really seems believable as this character.

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D. I always forget Blackwidow’s name. I wish her name was Susie Cart-wheel. Her and the Hulk can’t have kids. Womp Womp. Some consider this a blessing. Just give Scarlett Johansson her own movie as this character. 

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E. This movies QuickSilver was a let down. His outfit was terrible. He looked like a manager who had just gotten off work at the Sports Authority. After the amazing Quicksilver in “X-Men: Days of Future Past“, this one was a forgettable bust.

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Evan Peters Ouicksilver from “X-Men: Days of Future Past” was funny, entertaining, memorable, and great. I want to see more of him.

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F. At least Joss tries to put emotion in these big budget movies. The struggle is real.

G. Scarlett Witch was mopey and boring. I wonder what time she gets off at Hot Topic and if she can get me a discount off of Sailor Moon T-Shirts.

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H. Joss Whedon said he is tired of making these movies. They do look hard to make.

I. The score bored me. It was composed by 2 people? Brian Tyler and Danny Elfman. Looks like Elfman was brought in to help. It didn’t help.

J. Cluttered. Too Much. It looks like a 15-year-old girls scrap-book nightmare.

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