“Terminator Genisys” or “Terminator: The Annoying Time Traveling Family Edition”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Terminator Genisys“. Okay let me first start off by saying I love “The Terminator” and “Terminator 2: Judgment Day“. Both these films are incredible and both are 4 out of 4 stars to me. Okay so this new film is a sequel/reboot/re-wind etc. It begins in the apocalyptic future where John Connor and Kyle Reese are together fighting terminators. The seem pretty happy and chummy with each other and the future is not as shitty as was shown to us in the first “Terminator” film. Skynet (Apple) sends the young version of the Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator back to 1984 and Kyle Reese is also sent back, just like in the first movie. This time things are different in 1984. Now there is a liquid terminator chasing Kyle at the store where he gets the cool shoes. This new liquid Terminator is also talkative and likes to show off by cutting his own arm off and turning it into a spear to throw. He also poses a lot. Now young Arnold Terminator is out to kill punk rockers and an Old Arnold Terminator shows up to throw him around like a piece of balled up paper, CGI style. This 1984 is not your fathers 1984, it’s a new timeline or some shit. Sarah shows up and is tough (sort of) and her, Kyle, and the Old Arnold Terminator, also called “Pops” non-stop by Sarah Connor, join forces to……. Ummmm go to the future to stop a new type of iPhone from coming online called Genisys. So now the family (Pops, Kyle and Sarah) figure out how to get to the year 2017, which is the day the Genisys phone pops off. Yes, the day of. Not a year before or a month, but the fucking day they have to stop it. Meanwhile Pops doesn’t like Kyle because he is not good enough for his fake daughter Sarah. I’m serious. Also Kyle and Sarah argue non-stop, ya know like a “real” couple that fights robots. In the future they run into their son John Connor, who is now an evil robot. Confused? Yes, John is now the bad guy and evil. So the Terminator family has to kill him. Say what now? I thought the whole point of these films was to save John Connor aka Jesus, so that he could save the future? P.S. Kyle and Sarah have not banged yet, so problem solved right? Anyway the Terminator family gets arrested to the song “Bad Boys” from the TV Show “Cops”. Yes, I’m serious. Then John tells Sarah that she always had a soft spot for Elton John. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! Now you are telling me Sarah is an Elton john fan???? I just threw up. In the end Skynet shows up as a new version of the Red Queen from “Resident Evil. He is the blue queen I guess. The Terminator family is happy and drives off into the sunset until 2 more sequels that the studio is rushing to get done before James Cameron gets the rights back to the terminator franchise in 2019.

Okay so is better than “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines“? Yes, that movie was complete shit. Is it a good movie? No. You will have fun watching Terminators running around and bashing shit in, but that’s it really. The Terminator story is just an interesting concept. You could put those robots in a Wal-Mart for 2 hours and be entertained. I guess in the end a lot of shit doesn’t make sense and feels cheesy and forced. New Kyle Reese (Jai Courtney) is honestly a muscle-bound ape, and he just comes across big and dumb. The future he comes from is shiny robots, pretty lasers and him talking about building a house and getting a beer. Say what? The Michael Biehn version of Kyle Reese from the first Terminator came from a future where everyone was starving, not sleeping, dying, crying, radiation from fallout, not having sex, not drinking beer, and a fuckin nightmare. Michael Biehn‘s Kyle was skinny, scared, and angry. Which makes sense. This new Kyle is happy, healthy, and dumb.

The new Sarah Connor (Emilia Clarke) is okay I guess. She seems more bubbly and whiney, and that shit gets old fast. She calls Arnold “Pops”, what feels like 50 times. Like a bitchy kid annoying her dad. She also argues with Kyle the entire movie and that gets old. She really never seemed tough to me at all. The Linda Hamilton version of Sarah Connor was tough and real, but also motherly. I believed her. This Emilia Clarke version would be tough if she was 14 years old. Meanwhile you are told you have to kill your son and you are okay with it? WTF! Honestly the best thing about this movie is Arnold. I mean shit you just like him in movies, he is fun and charismatic. I wouldn’t say he saved the movie, but he was the best thing about the movie. As a whole the dialogue is cheesy ass though.

I hated John Connor (Jason Clarke) in this.

The CGI seems like a cartoon a lot of the times, because people and things are tossed around like toys and it doesn’t feel real or even look real at times. Not because they can’t make a young-looking Arnold Terminator look real, because the stuff they doesn’t look physically possible in their realm of reality. It’s like CGI people flying through the air doesn’t seem real because there is no weight behind it etc. It looks like a cartoon. Even the Liquid Terminator is performing tricks like he is showing off. Showing off for who? He is programmed to kill Sarah Connor, not to show off and try to look cool by cutting his arm off and making it into a goddamn spear and throwing it, then posing for Instagram. That’s what made the first Terminator films scary, it’s about a machine that will stop and nothing to rip your goddamn face apart. Now they are doing tricks and posing. It’s silly. There is also a Helicopter chase scene that is basically a cartoon. One helicopter falls off the roof of a building then right before it hits the ground it flies away. CARTOON LOGIC. Then they fly around and shit basically upside down. In Terminator 2 there is a helicopter chase scene with a real helicopter doing real crazy ass stunts like flying underneath bridges etc. To this day your are like wow, nuts that shit is real and looks real. Then in the end you make John Connor a bag guy. Is that good story telling? Maybe, but not when the whole point of all your films is save this dude so he can save everyone else. Now he is evil, and you have to stop a new iCloud service from going online. I mean it’s basically Siri, so is that the point of the film? We are dead already because we use Siri? Who knows. It’s confusing and a mess. I had fun watching robots fighting because I love the world James Cameron set up in the first 2 films, but the dialogue, message, and point is lost. YES, fuck you. The first 2 films had huge messages in them. So don’t give me this it’s a popcorn movie it’s supposed to be dumb. That’s bullshit. What’s your favorite Sci-Fi film? I bet there is a huge message in it. Anyway I was hoping for a realistic sequel or reboot or whatever. This one comes across like a silly family adventure through time. It’s another “the real adventure is family” film I guess. Except they hate their son now and they love their robot Father Pops.

So if you love “The Terminator” and “Terminator 2: Judgment Day“, love realistic apocalyptic films, love practical effects, and coherent plots then you will not enjoy this movie. If you want to see an alt version of the Terminator films and keep that locked in your brain the whole time then you may enjoy it more. I wish it could have been more. It may sound like I hated this movie. I didn’t, I was just disappointed.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Arnold Schwarzenegger is always pretty entertaining in everything. I was okay with an old skin Terminator, but him being too much like a dad wigged me out. Yes, I know he is dad like in Terminator 2, but they don’t keep shoving it down your throat like in this film. At one point Arnold says take care of my Sarah. Haha what now!

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B. Directed by Alan Taylor (Sex and the City TV, The Sopranos TV, Game of Thrones TV, Thor: The Dark World). 

D. If you are going to try to stop something from happening in the future don’t time travel to the day it happens. Try to go a month ahead of time. Or just don’t time travel at all and do things that stop it right there in 1984 or 1990 or 2000 etc.

E. The Kyle Reeses-  The new one is a joke, the old one sold it.

Old Kyle Reese- Michael Biehn– Sketchy, hungry, scared, angry and sad.

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New Kyle Reese- Jai Courtney–  is basically a muscle-bound monkey with perfect skin and somehow found time to work out while machines were chasing him. He is annoying.

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F. Robert Patrick‘s T-1000 didn’t show off and he ran right toward the target to kill it. It’s a robot and it doesn’t need to show off. You can still show off cool effects without making shit seem cheesy.

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The New T-1000 likes to waste time and show off. Not very machine like.

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Although I do like that they cast Byung-hun Lee as the T-1000 (I Saw the DevilG.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra). He is always interesting in things. This role is limiting though.

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G. The Terminator (1984) is an incredible film. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) blows minds still to this day. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) is a piece of shit and should be burned. Terminator Salvation (2009) was fun and at least they tried something new. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (2008- 2009) TV show was one of the best TV shows those years. I loved it.

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Terminator 1- Amazing, depressing and real.

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Terminator 2- Amazing, 4 stars, incredible.

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Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles- Intersting, cool, and took them all in amazing new direction.

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Terminator Salvation- I liked the casting, the score, and at least it was something different in the future.

H. The Sarah Connors the new one is all bubbles, and the old one was sad, serious and tough. 

New Sarah Connor- Emilia Clarke – She is all Bubbles and tough if she was 14-year-old. Also she can’t stop saying “Pops”. Shut up!

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Old Sarah Connor- Linda Hamilton – Look at that hair it’s amazing. She was sad and afraid and became tough. She was a real women and not a little girl.

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I. Here is the new theme by Lorne Balfe (Penguins of MadagascarA.D. The Bible Continues). The score had some okay moments but not very memorable. Here is a sample. This is the worst score out of all the films.

J. Here is Kyle Reese nude looking at his dad John Connor. Creepy, you just saw your dad’s dong.ZZ7FDDB9AB

K. Here is my short film called TERMINATOR: FASHION EDITION. Possibly more believable than this film. Haha

Also another film I made called  “A Very Robocop Christmas”. The terminator is in this one also.

L. This scene was redone from the original version in 1984. I guess new timeline, new hair.

1984 Punk Rockers from the original “The Terminator”.

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New 1984 Punk Rockers from “Terminator Genisys”. I guess the new Director didn’t like their hair or tire track make-up from the first film.maxresdefault

M. This time you get to see San Francisco get nuked. In the last few years San Francisco is always getting blown up or whatever in films. Also it really is just another big CGI explosion of a city. We see this in every action/superhero movie now. I’m brain-dead to it all. You know what would have been creepy or memorable and also relatable? To show people getting incinerated by the nukes like in a playground. Wow that would have been something amazing. Oh yeah like in Terminator 2! That shit was fucked up. Seeing kids burned etc.

From Terminator 2:

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N. This poster is boring. All in the Family.

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