“Spectre” or “Bond Has To Have Herpes By Now” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Spectre“. Okay first off let me say that I love James Bond movies. I like spy shit and the music is the cats meow bitch. Okay so this film is after all the shit popped off in “Skyfall“”. Which was one of the better Bond films ever I thought. Okay so this film is really about the evil organization called Spectre and how it controls all this shit all over the world. It’s leader is Blofeld aka Christoph Waltz. They do a good job setting his ass up and the group like a cult, which I love.  Meanwhile the group Bond works for is on the way out because spies are old school and computers are new school. Q and Money Penny show up and help Bond out to help bond because they like spies more. Later Monica Bellucci shows up and slaps the shit out of Bond then they bang (fuck). Daniel Craig is 47 and Monica Bellucci is 51 so this is a very age appropriate bang and cool to see. Unfortunately Bond does fall in love and bangs another younger girl (Léa Seydoux) who is 30, so much for that. Later bond gets his ass beat to the point of being unconscious and he still can make love right after. In the end I think Bond and Blofeld fight, then Bond gives up the spy life to get married and lets Blofeld go? I’m not really sure about the ending.

Okay I love James Bond so had fun watching it. It’s not as good as Skyfall for sure but still entertaining. The ending is weird and makes Blofeld seem weak and dumb. They spent so much time setting Blofeld up as “the author of all his pain” for all these movies and now he is laying on the ground crawling. It was weird and lame. I do dig Daniel Craig as James Bond still and they seemed to have a little more fun with him in this movie. I love a more funny ass Bond. The cast for the last 2 movies is amazing. I love Q (Ben Whishaw), Eve Moneypenny (Naomie Harris), and M (Ralph Fiennes). They are all amazing and I’m glad they are in on the action as well. There is an odd Bond/Blofeld family storyline going on in this movie as well that is confusing. I feel like it is forced and doesn’t make sense. Somehow they grew up together in the mountains or some shit. The plot should have been this. Bond took Blofeld’s parking spot at a Toni Braxton concert in the 90’s and has hated him since.

The music is a big part of these films and I feel the last 2 scores by Thomas Newman have been generic and forgettable. I love Thomas Newman too so I am disappointed. Go back and listen to the scores of John Barry and David Arnold to the old James Bond movies and have your minds blown. This score is forgettable and disposable. The theme song by Sam Smith doesn’t match the movie at all, because it’s so sad and depressing like you are at a goddamn funeral. This film is more light-hearted and fun. Even at the end of the movie Bond is with that girl and it’s a happy ending yet your theme song says go kill yourself. This song honestly fits Skyfall more because Judi Dench died in that, so that shit was sad. Plus I think in the opening credits they were getting molested by an octopus. Okay maybe that was hot. Although this film was entertaining it was definitely not as good as Skyfall. It is worth seeing and it’s a good movie, but just not a great movie. So if you love James Bond you will dig it like you dig all the films. Go check it out.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. James Bond will bang anyone at anytime. He is always hard even if he is about to pass out from a fight and his bones are broken. Just know if you see him is probably hard as a rock. We found out he was Bisexual in Skyfall so that means guys too.

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B.  We miss Judi Dench was amazing in these movies but Q and Money Penny are the bomb too!

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D. Monica Bellucci is hot at any age and she will slap the fuck out of you.

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E. The score by Thomas Newman was generic and forgettable. Here is one of the better tracks.

F. Christoph Waltz is cool as Blofeld until he is laying on the ground crawling like a weird bitch at the end. Also the family ties background with Bond is a little too much and someone not enough. Is he better than Donald Pleasence as Blofeld? No, but nobody could be a Donald. 

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G. James bond in this outfit was cool.

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H. Sam Smith’s theme song is too sad and depressing for this film. Also the octopus was all over James Bond in the opening credits. I tried to find an image from the movie but couldn’t find one so I had to make one. This is basically what it looked like. They nasty as fuck!

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Here is Sam Smith’s music video for it.

I. The poster. Cute.

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