“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” or “Spoiler Alert- It Was A Blast You Wookie Bitch!”- My fuckin review

Here is my review for “Star Wars: The Force Awakens“. Bitchhhhhhhhh we have been waiting on this movie forever. Okay I will try not to give away any big spoilers but it will be hard not to. Just go see the movie first and don’t read this until you have dumb ass. Here is your chance. Don’t read it. Go away. Surprises are fun! I saw it opening night, the first show at 7pm and I felt like these secrets were too much to carry around the next fuckin day!

Okay so this film takes place after “Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi“. It’s been like 3o years or some shit and there are new bad guys in town called the First Order (New Empire) and ran by Kylo Ren (Adam Driver), General Hux (Domhnall Gleeson) and some old dude named Snoke (I hate this name). They are looking for a map to Luke Skywalker that a good guy named Poe (Oscar Isaac) his droid BB-8 have. Poe and his bot get separated when some stormtroopers show up and one named Finn (John Boyega) defects cuz he is like fuck killing innocent people. Finn hooks up with a scavenger girl named Rey (Daisy Ridley) and BB-8 and they all try to get the fuck out of there with the map to Luke. Their asses end up in the Millennium Falcon with Han Solo and Chewbacca and they all join forces to get the map to the good guys. All the while Kylo Ren is blowing up planets and shit with a giant new Death Star called Star Killer. Tell it to Kanjiklub. Later General Leia (she got promoted finally) shows up and shit gets weird with her and Han Solo cuz they old flames. Now it’s showdown time at the Star Killer base. Everybody is their fuckin shit up. Space battles, light saber fights, Han Solo vs Kylo Ren, Rey and Finn vs Kylo Ren, and C3P0 and R2D2 bitching at each other. I’m trying to avoid spoilers bitch! Go see it.

Okay so I loved this movie and it was a lot of fun and full of action. You will enjoy the fuck out of it. Yes, there are questions and holes, but for every hole you find you will find 10 things you like to replace that glory hole. I really love the new cast- Rey, Poe, Finn, Kylo Ren, BB-8, and General Hux. They were all great and you will love them all too. Now let’s go deeper. I love that Rey is one of the main characters and she is female and she knows how to fight and survive. She doesn’t need the help of any of the male characters in the film. She is strong and likable. I saw a girl sitting next to me clapping and cheering for her the whole time. It was amazing. I love that Finn is also a main character and he is a black actor (his parents are Nigerian). He is fun and real, and you are rooting for him within minutes after meeting him. I love that Oscar Isaac is also one of the main characters and that he was born Oscar Isaac Hernández (his parents are Cuban and Guatemalan). You want to be he his best friend or whatever by the end of the film. These are the 3 main characters and 2 aren’t white aka diverse and one is female! This is amazing and reflects the world that we live in. J.J.’s casting is great and I think this is the best part about the film. It’s more interesting and I hope the world thinks so as well. We are tired of Hollywood white washing every fucking film. It’s also great that this year we had two strong female characters in two big budget action movies, this one and Charlize Theron in “Mad Max: Fury Road“. It’s 2015/2016. Come the fuck on. People will pay to see strong cool women in big action movies. 

Another thing I love about this film is that there is NO FORCED LOVE INTERESTS! Nobody is kissing in the sunset at the end. Yes, some of the characters may like each other, but they have not known each other that long, nobody is in love yet for fucks sakes. I’m glad they are giving it a minute. Thank you for waiting! It makes it more emotional and realistic in a later film. Nobody wants fake/forced ass love scenes that are cheesy as fuck. Be real! This goes back to what I was saying about strong women in film. Rey is not a sex object to be kissed on at the end of the movie. There is also death in this movie, and yes death is some sad shit, but an audience will emotional attach themselves to the film or TV show more when a character dies in it. It makes it more real for them and me. Joss Whedon does this shit a lot with his films. It works though and death is real. People die. My only problem with the death in this film is that they should have spent more time on it, let that shit breathe for a minute. Let some people sit on it holding a photo of a bitch or some shit. It seemed so fast and forgotten.

I also loved how this time they focused more on the bad guys a little more and their dialogue. You feel like you know them a little better as characters by the end of the film. Adam Driver is amazing in it and you really feel his emotion and him being torn apart. Yeah he emo. I loved him with his helmet on and off. Domhnall Gleeson as General Hux was great too and I hope we get to see more of him in the future.  Their supreme leader Snoke is weird to me because maybe he may or may not be a giant or could just be projected that way. I don’t know what to think of all that really. I liked that they focused on Chewbacca as a character more in this movie. He had more screen time and some funny scenes in this movie, more than the other films. He seemed fleshed (furred) out more.  The real scene stealer though was BB-8 that little bitch blows my mind because it’s not CGI and it’s really rolling around bitching. I love him! Yes, Captain Phasma was a let down. Everyone literally on Earth hoped SHE was going to pop off. She did not. In the next one she better destroying ass. More Phasma!

In the end it really is a fun as fuck film that is action packed with diverse actors and one cool female lead. The bad guys are interesting and emotional. The nostalgia is there that you all bitch about too. Yes, there are plot points that are basically the same as the old movies. Desert planet, person discovering their powers, and there is a big planet weapon to blow up in the end, but all the shit in the middle and the characters make up for it. You will have fun with it if you let yourself. If you are digging for holes you will make one. I believe characters are the most important part of any film and this movies has them. You would hangout with any of them at a grocery store for 2 hours. Even if the plot was looking for ingredients for baking a panda cake. Is is the best movie ever made? No, but it is fun and you will like hanging in that world again. I will see this bitch a few times in the theater and buy it on Blu Ray. I have already bought a BB-8 standee and some toys. It has been fun getting exciting about the biggest film in years. Everyone seems to be happy watching it and talking about it, even while they are complaining about it haha. J.J. made Star Wars matter again, cuz after those terrible ass prequels I almost hated Star Wars.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I meet J.J. Abrams at a party once. Okay I didn’t meet him but I saw his ass. Here is the pic bitch. It was a “Machete” premiere party at Comic Con. 

4835058429_90326e415e_o

B. Carrie FisherHarrison Ford, and Mark Hamill are all back. Even R2D2 and C3PO are popping off at the mouth. I hear people saying Harrison and Carrie look weird, but I am like ummm they old bitch. That’s what happens wtf. Anyway it is cool to them again as those characters and I’m glad they came back and did that shit. 

star-wars-the-force-awakens-comi-con

C. Daisy Ridley was great as Rey and she never needed a mans help throughout the film. She could fight, survive, find food, fix ships, fly ships, etc without needing any mother fuckers help. At one point she literally says “no more hand-holding” when Finn tries to grab her hand to help her. She is a woman of her day! A real woman! Basically reality. You really do like her character fast and it’s important to have these strong female characters in films. I can’t wait till she pops off more in the next one. 

star-wars-episode-7-the-force-awakens

D. Oscar Isaac as Poe was great too. You will want to hang out with his ass. He is likable and a cool bitch. I hope him and Finn get together for a twist. 

oscar-isaac

E. Adam Driver as Kylo Ren was a great villain. First he was great with the mask on and you love it, then you are like okay he is taking the mask off. What is going to happen? Is it going to get weird? It didn’t, he did a fuckin amazing job. He was interesting, believable and emotional. I bought it within seconds. He became my favorite character fast. Also his hair looked like John Travolta from the 70’s. Cosplayers better have that wig. 

You can also follow a fake Emo Kylo Ren Twitter account here: https://twitter.com/KyloR3n So funny bitch!

Screen Shot 2015-12-26 at 12.22.54 PM Screen Shot 2015-12-26 at 12.23.42 PM

d6f7cca2d1b4abd5c50008e0a7ba1bc6 STARWARS-kylo-ren-awakens

Also here is his ass.

adam driver naked

Made by Cherry DelRosario: Notice that Kylo Hair!

1457494_10208011749237346_354068108080330871_n

F. Austin, and me met John Boyega at the premiere of Attack the Block a few years ago. He was cool/nice and talked to us for a while. He deserves all the attention. Go you bitch! His character name Finn aka FN2187 is named after the cell number that Leia is held in “Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope“. He is likable and real in this film too, and genuinely looks scared in scenes too.

6063958617_008220573a_o

G. BB-8 is the star of this movie. He is literally real and rolling around and it’s amazing, great, and mind blowing to me. I mean look at this gif. WHAT THE GODDAMN FUCK!!!!!! Brilliant character.

star-wars-the-force-awakens-bb-8-rolling

H. Domhnall Gleeson was General Hux. I really liked him as a character and his performance. Also his clothes. I am glad we get to know the bad guys a little more in this movie.

forceawakens24-xlarge

I. John Williams composes again. This time the score blends in more and is not as thematic as past Star War scores. Still a nice score, but flows more this time. It doesn’t stick out as much as past scores. Check out this track it’s a fun one.

J. Bala- Tik (Brian Vernel) I hope he comes back. He was in the film briefly and almost comes across like a Star Trek character more to me, but that’s interesting. 

Screen Shot 2015-12-22 at 11.33.49 AM

K. I heard a theory that Rey is Anakin Skywalker reborn. That is why she can do all this shit right off the bat. I love this idea and I hope it’s true. That would be amazing, but it’s probably just Luke’s daughter. In some bathroom flashback you can hear Yoda and Ben ‘Obi-Wan’ Kenobi talking to Rey.

rey-anakin-star-wars

L. Tell it to Kanjiklub. The stars from the movie “The Raid: Redemption” and “The Raid 2” were Kanjiklub! I loved seeing them in this movie. I wished they would have done more in the film, but heard their scene was cut cuz Harrison broke his leg.

the-raid-2-actors-reportedly-featured-in-star-wars-the-force-awakens

Their Lego versions YES!

Tasu-e1442323852541

M. The alien characters could have been a little more memorable. This shit ain’t no Jabba the Hutt or Yoda or Ewoks or Jawas or Sy Snootles. Even Lupita Nyong’o character Maz Kanata  and Supreme Leader Snoke was just okay and nothing mind-blowing. I don’t want to be that shit for Halloween. I’m glad most of this shit was not CGI though. Yay. I do love the new Cantina song called “Jabba Flow” by Lin-Manuel Miranda.

Star-Wars-The-Force-Awakens-Vanity-Fair-1-1280x527

 

N. I love that Carrie Fisher’s daughter Billie Lourd is in the movie too. She is also in “Scream Queens” and I love her in that too.

HOLLYWOOD, CA - DECEMBER 14: Actresses Carrie Fisher (L) and Billie Lourd attend the Premiere of Walt Disney Pictures and Lucasfilm's "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" at the Dolby Theatre on December 14, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

O. The poster. Real cute.

star-wars-force-awakens-official-poster

One response to ““Star Wars: The Force Awakens” or “Spoiler Alert- It Was A Blast You Wookie Bitch!”- My fuckin review

  1. Pingback: The Best Fuckin Films of 2015 You Stupid Ass! | EDDIE RAY BREAKS THAT SHIT DOWN!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s