“The Darkness” or “Rich White People Problems- The Lightness” my fuckin review

Here is my review for the “The Darkness“. So this film is about this rich white family with many problems at home. Kevin Bacon is the dad who has cheated before and wants to again. He is tempted throughout the entire movie by his co-workers ass. The wife is stressed at home because she used to be an alcoholic and wants the taste of that sweet vodka again. The daughter is a teenage emotional bitch who wants to be skinnier and is throwing up in her bedroom in Tupperware and for some reason is keeping it underneath her bed. The son is autistic and is also a thief of Native American stones. It’s a roller coaster of emotions in this drama about a rich white family and the problems they go through in life. Think Lifetime network. Oh wait and on occasion they will hear a strange noise here and there until the end of the film when some Native American spirits show up to get the rocks back the kid stole from them.Then for some reason the family calls two ladies from Mexico to help them get rid of the Native American ghosts. If I had Native American shit popping off in my house I would contact someone who was Native American, so they would know the history of the stones etc. They basically went off information from a goddamn YOUTUBE video. Meanwhile the metaphor I took, was that these two ladies were called into help clean up a rich white families mess. You figure it out bitch. Even when the family had to go stay in a hotel the lady at the counter said to them that the only room they have left was the “Presidential suite”. Hahaha wtf why did that even matter? Cleary I am joking about the rich white people shit, so save you comments shit heads. Anyway this movie is literally boring as fuck and it really is about this families personal problems the whole time, with an occasional bump in the night noise here and there. I was so bored. Then in the end it cheesy as hell. This movie is a fuckin mess. It’s weird and forced and cheap. The title is the worst and forgettable also. Skip this movie. Forget you even read this review. I would rather had sat in darkness for 2 hours than watch this shit again. That would be scarier. Go drink bleach instead.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Kevin Bacon you should have done Footloose 2- A Haunting. 

B. Directed by Greg McLean (Wolf CreekWolf Creek 2Wolf Creek 3). Stick to wolves I guess.

C. Looking for more white people problems. The true horror is being bored.

6 Miranda Dr.

D. The boy in the movie was played by David Mazouz who also plays Bruce Wayne on Gotham. He was not good. 

The-Darkness-Film-2016

E. Listen don’t fuck with Native American stuff ever. This is nothing new. White people love to just pick up shit and take shit like they always owned it or it’s theirs now. Leave shit alone. The kid took these rocks home. They are not his, but he acted like he owned them always. They were evil so they got what they deserved. Fuck them all. In horror movies white folks barely knock on the front door of a house they just woke in like they owned it. See “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” white people keep walking into Leatherface’s house. That’s called a “Home Invasion”. They deserved to die.

MV5BMTc4Njk2OTIzNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNDIyNjAwODE@._V1_This happens in real life too. People put a goddamn bison in the car cuz it looked cold and it exploded.

http://ecowatch.com/2016/05/17/yellowstone-bison-dies/

Vanessa Hudgens defaces rocks and spirits killed them

http://www.tmz.com/2016/02/16/vanessa-hudgens-criminal-invesgtigation-sedona-rock-carving/

F.  I wish they would have focused more on the ghosts and killed this horrible family.

Screen-Shot-2016-02-19-at-9.28.24-AM

G. HAHA wash your face.

kevin-bacon-the-darkness-trailer-01

H. The band THE DARKNESS should have been the demons.

I. White People Come home. Wash your sheets.

The_Darkness_poster copy

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