“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them” or “A Boring Pokemon Go That You Can’t Play” My fuckin Review

Here is my review for “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them“. Okay this is a prequel to the Harry Potter movies so you don’t have to see shit going in, but I have seen all that shit already. Okay it’s the 1920’s or some shit and there is a new magical bitch in town played by Eddie Redmayne. He gets to New York and lets loose all these CGI monsters that are not evil but will fuck you up. So now he teams up with some American magicians to help catch them all. Colin Farrell eventually shows ups and I guess he is evil. Then Ezra Miller shows up as Credence Bareback, who they say is a teenager, but this bitch looks 30. Meanwhile the GGI monsters are still running around for 2 hours and I’m falling asleep, because there nothing really going on. Who is this made for? Kids? Teens? Adults? If it’s for kids they checked out 15 minutes in. I assume it’s made for adult Harry Potter fans now. Meanwhile I finally realize J.K. Rowling wrote the screenplay too. So I guess that’s why it’s slow. In the end magic wins and Johnny Depp shows up as Guy Fieri and I throw up. 

So this movie felt long and slow and I was bored during it. It was like watching someone play Pokemon Go but they never let you take a turn, gotta catch em all. I mean, I love Eddie Redmayne in most things but he just looked bored in this. Maybe that was his character. Maybe the beasts weren’t so fantastic, they looked very hokey and CGI to me. I even love Ezra Miller but he really seemed to big and old to play a teenager. I mean whatever though. The score was pretty fun but that’s about it. I guess this movie is made for adults and not kids for sure. So if you are a die-hard Harry Potter fan you will probably love it by default, or if you love some magic here and there and CGI animals then this is the movie for you. It’s not for me unless I need a nap ASAP. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Eddie Redmayne is a fun actor. In this his character is quiet and akward and it gets old.

maxresdefault

B. Wand magic bores me. Use your hands and body like in “Big Trouble in Little China” and “Doctor Strange“. Vogue that magic out.

C. That’s a hair don’t.

ezra-miller-fantastic-beasts-2

D. The score is by James Newton Howard and he is great.

E Fake as fuck.

fantastic-beasts-niffler

F. Bring a barf bag.

johnny_depp_to_star_in_fantastic_beasts_and_where_to_find_them_sequel

G. The Great Gatsby of magic. Haha

fantastic-beasts-and-where-to-find-them-movie

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s