“Ghost in the Shell” or “White Ghost in that White Ass”

Here is my review for “Ghost in the Shell“.  It’s the future and robots are white. Scarlett Johansson‘s brain is put into a white bot with no nipples in a Blade Runner like world. Now she is a government spy/assassin/cop or something like that. It’s the future so everyone is jacked in and hacked and upgraded and uploaded and shit. So somebody was murdered and Scarlett and her friends have to find out who killed the guy and also find out who she used to be. Meanwhile a white mega hacker is running around fucking white asses up. Later Scarlett is naked again. Maybe? I am not sure. She eventually jacks in and finds the Mega Hacker and he is not her enemy! They are robot friends or ex-lovers or something and used to be Japanese, then the Government or a company whitewashed them into white people. Now the teacher from Battle Royale says “Don’t send a rabbit to kill a fox” YESSSS BITCH! In the end you can’t download an MP3 without breaking some white eggs. 

Okay so the anime cartoon is better. The movie isn’t bad, it’s just kinda of there. The dialogue is flat and you just kinda of stare at it. Yes, it’s cool looking and the score is nice. But the more you think about it. The more you realize you have seen Blade Runner and you are over it. The story does feel dated, because shit it is. The original anime came out here in 1995. So it was probably fresh as fuck that year. In 2017 it’s played out bitch. Scarlett is kind of flat too. I guess she is supposed to be because she is a robot, but shit Michael Pitts wasn’t flat. Anyway there were some okay action scenes in it. Nothing that you would want to go back and see twice. Ya know how some Science Fiction movies you want to see 3 times because the scenes were so amazing. Like The Matrix. This movie doesn’t have them. It’s more like “Judge Dredd” you will forget about it in a year. I mean honestly the whitewashing is the least of this movies problems. It’s boring and flat. I mean why not cast an Japanese actress as the lead then rest of the cast could be mega honkey stars? Anyway it’s pretty to look at for a bit but you get over it fast. The score is nice but you get over that fast too. What’s left is as flat as her nipples. Ya know because she had none. I will not watch it again.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Scarlett Johansson was just kinda of flat in this and whatever. I was bored with her. I guess they look similar. 

B. Michael Pitt was Kuze and I love him because he was in “Funny Games“. 

Here he is from the animation.

C. Where the fuck are her nipples? The movie should have been about finding those.

D. Directed by Rupert Sanders (Snow White and the Huntsman) and it was PG 13. So ya know. 

This scene was in the movie too. This animation is pretty amazing and way more memorable than the live action version. Plus she is nude in the anime version.

E. Takeshi Kitano is the best, he was in Battle Royale as the Teacher. He is the best thing about this movie!

F. Clint Mansell (Black Mirror– San JuniperoBlack Swan) and Lorne Balfe (Terminator GenisysThe LEGO Batman Movie). I tried to find a selection to hear but it’s not out yet. 

G. She cute.

H. Here is my ode to Anime that I made.

I. They should have played this shit song in the end credits.

J. Bad transmission.

 

 

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