“The Void” or “I’ve Seen These 6 Horror Movies Before” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “The Void“. Okay so this movie was getting a lot of horror buzzzzzzzz so were were excited to see it opening night. Scare me bitch, or at least others around me whatever. Okay so this movie starts off and these 2 dudes are chasing this couple, the one guy gets away but the girl gets set on fire. Oddly enough she seems okay with it, because if my ass gets set on fuckin fire I would be rolling around screaming and shit because being burned hurts like a bitch. How do I know? I was just burned on the stove and that was small. So assume this is that times a million. Meanwhile a cop finds the guy that got away and takes him to a local small town hospital that is in the process of closing, but now it’s being surrounded by cult people in white robes/cloaks. Think “Assault on Precinct 13“. In the hospital there are some doctors and a girl who is pregnant (Hahaha you can guess where that is headed). ANYWAYYYYYYYYY….. Someone turns into a demon/squid/Cthulhu/The Thing and attacks. Think “The Thing” and “In the Mouth of Madness“. It’s cute looking I think, because it’s in a strobe light with quick editing. So maybe it looks like shit with the lights on and steady shot. Meanwhile the Cult is outside trying to keep them inside and some people die. Later a doctor wants to open a Triangle gateway to hell to get his daughter back. Which is weird. Like honestly fuck your stupid daughter. If you can open up “THE VOID” and you are some sort of “Lord of Illusions” Centobite or some shit then you want POWER. To hell with your stupid daughter. Or to the void with her whatever. I feel like the doctor even tried to sound like a cross between Nix from Lord of Illusions and Dr. Channard from Hellbound: Hellraiser II, but with cheesy forgettable dialogue. There is even a part where a demon chases a guy down a hallway that is closing like in Hellraiser 2 and it closed when the guy jumps through, trapping the demon in the void (hell) just like with Kirsty Cotton. In the end the hero even grabs the demon and jumps into the void with him and seals it up, just like in John Carpenter’s “Prince of Darkness“, in that movie the girl jumps with the demon into the mirror, trapping herself and Satan in hell. If you are trying to be 6 other movies then you will never be your own film.

Okay so we can’t like your film, because we love all these other movies so much. Everyone gets an homage to your favorite horror movies, but when it’s a constant rip off or throw back or copy of them we can’t get over that shit. We are sitting there playing “What horror movie is this from”. It’s obvious and a let down. The dialogue is generic and flat, and the characters are “so what- who cares”. The score is limp and forgettable too. The only thing this movie had going for it were the special effects. When you could see them. I really went in excited and came out confused and let down. Shit check it out on Netflix one day for sure just so you can see it I guess and make your own judgement. I promise it will be similar to what I said. Unless you don’t know anything about horror movies and have not seen the movies I have listed above. Then shit maybe this will seem fresh as fuck to you. Good luck. I know it’s sounds like I am beating up on this movie but I don’t mean to be. I just had high hopes and my check got VOIDED!

 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I felt trapped in their with them and couldn’t get out either.

B. Written and Directed by newbies  Jeremy Gillespie (Father’s Day) and Steven Kostanski (ABCs of Death 2-segment “W is for Wish”). They are new and hopefully will grow and learn. 

C. Pick a horror movie and this movie will seem like it.

D. Triangles are hot right now. See “The Neon Demon

Triangles were on the eye holes on the white robes and it was the gateway the Void also.

The Void Triangle

Here is a pic from Neon Demon’s Trianle.

E. Blitz//Berlin did the score it was weak

F. If you are pregnant and there are demons around. Kill your baby. It ain’t the next Jesus.

G. Mik Byskov played the character with no name aka the son. He was the best character because he had no lines. 

H. The poster is great.

 

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