“Wonder Woman” or “Wonder Woman Just Beat My ASS!”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Wonder Woman“. I have been waiting on this one, but was worried about it but because D.C. has been crapping out messes with their films.

Okay so the film starts off with Wonder Woman/Diana growing up on Mascara Island. No men allowed! Just big strong bad ass Amazon woman who know how to fight and will beat the shit out of you. They are cool as fuck! They are all raising and training Diana to fight and be smart etc. Eventually Chris Pine crashes a Nazi plane on the island and Diana saves him, but Nazi’s are on his ass and there is a big battle. Diana’s Mother Hippolyte pops off and shuts Nazi’s down like they are paper dolls!  Then Chris convinces Diana to go and help fight in the War and help people and shit, so they leave the island. Before they leave she sees his penis. Insert dick joke. She is not impressed. Later in England they go on a shopping spree and meet up with some friends to help them fight Nazi’s. Shit hits the fan when Diana watches men, women, and children suffer because of the war and she beats the living fuck out of a shit load of Nazi’s in a town. I was screaming. In the end some knowledge is dropped and a big bad guy shows up and your typical super hero movie explosions start happening and then shit gets too real for her. She learns that just because you find a pair of great knee-high boots it doesn’t mean you will live happily ever after.

Okay WONDER WOMAN WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!! You will love this movie. I loved this movie! Somehow you be emotionally involved 15 minutes into the fucking movie. When people die or get hurt. You are like NOOOOO! What?????  Why did I care so fast? I have no idea. Hippolyte (Connie Nielsen) I love you! Antoine (Robin Wright) I love you! Those Amazons aren’t playing! I was like holy shit yesssss! They are beating ass in it. Gal Gadot you got me! You are Wonder Woman. Not just the costume and the fighting etc., It was when she smiled. That shit was Wonder Woman. I believed her compassion and her strength, the balance was there. Also even though she was a fish out of water, she was never a dummy. She was always smart and intelligent. She was just innocent. There is a huge difference. They could have easily made her pretty and dumb. NO! She is strong and smart. Now I want to see “Justice League” (even though it looks terrible) more. I even bought what Chris Pine was selling. He was giving you emotion and it wasn’t cheesy or forced. He seemed like a real guy and not a fuckin mansplaining jerk. He never ordered Diana around but tried to help her and let her figure things out on her own. I mean he is okay in the Star Trek movies but here he was honest and it felt like he was having real conversation with someone. He even had to seduce a female bad guy, and that is usually reserved for the female characters of a movie. At one point the lasso of truth is around him and he is describing the war and he sounds so terrified talking about it. It’s a great scene because it’s a man forced to say what’s inside him about what he really thinks about war. He is horrified about it. Not a tough guy. 

This film really is well-rounded, well structured, and fun to watch. It all makes sense and the score was great too. The scene where they were at No Mans Land is amazing. It’s the first time she really gets to be Wonder Woman and you really feel that scenes power. You wanted to scream! Steve Trevor is telling her no man can cross it and she is like bitch I am NO MAN and she kicks every man’s ass for 15 minutes. It’s amazing. You are like this is WONDER WOMAN! She is the super hero you have been waiting for. A strong and compassionate one for 2017. One that will smile and laugh with you and beat the shit out of everyone who did you dirty. Then hug you and tell you shit will be okay afterwards. The 2 villains (Dr. Maru and Ludendorff) were even fun and over-the-top and had a great scene where they throw a gas bomb in a room a giggle about it. I was like yes bad guys can have fun too. The only problem I really had was that the big bad guy gets a little too CGI at the end and it turns into typical bad guy/explosions popping off hero/villain duel off ending. I mean you need that boss fight scene though I guess. What is cool too is that this movie is getting a lot of praise and positive reviews, and years ago they thought a movie with a female super hero as a lead would be shit and not do well. Well this is one of the best super hero movies ever made and it’s directed by a woman. So fuck everyone I guess. I want to see it again, and I will buy it on Blu Ray. Go see it in the theater in 3D! It’s worth it. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Gal Gadot you are Wonder Woman. You strong, smart, and kind! Save me!

B. Wonder Woman Barbie, Yes, I want a barbie doll now fuck it!

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C. Directed by Patty Jenkins (Monster). You gave it to us. I loved Monster too. Yes take note a woman just saved D.C.’s ASS!

D. Queen Hippolyta was amazing and will stab you. All the Amazons were cool. Make a spin off!

E. Her lasso game is on point!

F. Chris Pine as Steve Trevor was probably his most believable role I ever seen him in. His emotion felt real. On a side note there was no female hinted at nudity in this movie. Just hinted at male nudity. Chris stood up nude holding his junk. That’s a switch. “The Gaze” this time was a woman looking a upon his male nudity and not the other way around like every other movie. No Amazons were running around naked. Just Chris Pine. Crazy.

G. I do miss the wonder twirl.

H. The score was composed by Rupert Greyson-Williams (The Crown tv, Winter’s TaleThe Legend of Tarzan). It was great and when the new Wonder Woman theme popped off and it was the shit!!!!!! This is the hot track!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!

This track is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!

I. Here is a link to an article about how important the Chief character is to the film and that he was played by Native American Actor Eugene Brave Rock. The director let him pick his own wardrobe so that it would be completely accurate. Amazing. 

https://www.bleedingcool.com/2017/06/04/representation-matters-chief-wonder-woman-awesome/

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J. Here is a video of some of the different versions of the cartoon Wonder Women over the year set to Beyoncé’s “Run The World”. The cartoon Wonder Woman is so good too!

K. The bad guys had a scene where they threw a bomb in a room and giggled about it together it was cute and funny.

L. Lines that were great or some shit like it. “Everybody is fighting their own battles Diana, just like you”. “You have to stay Charlie, or who will sing for us?”. These lines were great and felt real.

Also mystery photo solved!

M. Philippus the Amazon is in this movie! YES!

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N. There was an alley scene that reminded me of a scene from “Superman” 1978. Where Clark Kent stopped a bullet just like Diana did. It was like the reverse. Surely it was a nod to the Superman movie. Diana and Clark even look the same, hat and glasses etc. It’s like look how far we have come. In 1978 a “Super” man is saving a woman, and now in 2017 a  “Wonder” woman is saving a man in the same way.

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O. YESSSSS to all these posters!

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