“Leatherface” or “LeatherTeen/Leathertwink” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Leatherface” 2017. Leatherface is back! This time he is a teenager and locked up in a mental hospital. I wish he was more emo but he isn’t. When he is little he gets locked up because his family is fucked up. Mama Leatherface (Lili Taylor) is crazy and wants him to learn the chainsaw at 10, but the cops take him to a mental hospital instead. He grows up there, then during a riot he breaks out with some other crazies and an annoying nurse. What’s really “crazy” is that Leatherface is not the ugly monster we have come to know and love. He is a teen heart-throb. WHAT THE FUCK! He is also really nice to everyone including the hostage nurse. Meanwhile they are all on the run from the cops and fight with each other along the way. Will Leatherface ever find Leathermom? Will he ever find his true ugly face? Will he learn to work a chainsaw? 

Okay so by the end I don’t know if I cared anymore. I guess it was cute that Leatherface was not some chunky weirdo. That was interesting, but it really didn’t make sense when you think about it. I mean he gets ugly, but it’s like okayyyyy. Then it’s like do we need a prequel with a kind Leatherface? NO. It’s not scary. We just feel sorry for him. We want him to make it in life. Even the mom we like because it’s an actress we like. So what are we supposed to do? I guess support the Leatherface family and hope they live and make it. What the fuck. Even the innocent/survivor girl is annoying and forgettable. It’s like throw her in a ditch who cares. Go LeatherTwink or whatever. Haha Just wait for Netflix to watch this movie or just watch the original. That shit is scary and real and fucked up. This is a teen drama. If you love Leatherface you will want to see this, then you will wish it was a love story about a boy and his chainsaw.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Sam Strike plays teenage Leatherface. He gets acne later or whatever.

B. Stephen Dorff plays the sheriff and he hates the Leatherface family.

His best role was in “The Gate“.

C. It was directed by Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury (ABCs of Death 2 (segment “X is for Xylophone”)). I guess nice try. 

D. Lili Taylor is Leatherface’s mom and she did what she could with these brats. 

Lili’s best part was in “Say Anything… “. Watch.

E. Vanessa Grasse was the Final/Survivor girl in the film and she was a bore and forgettable. Leave her ass in a ditch.

Here is how you sell it. Watch this from the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

F. John Frizzell (The FollowingAlien: ResurrectionDante’s Peak) composed the score. It was generic like his other scores. 

G. This poster is cute I guess. I wish we could have seen Leatherface on a date.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s