“Aquaman” or “Aqua dong” my fuckin review

Her is my review for “Aquaman“. Get ready to get your jeans wet. No for real he swim with jeans on and a chain wallet. I was floored.

Okay this movie starts off with Nicole Kidman meeting some lighthouse dude and banging. They have Aqua Baby and Nicole has to go back to the ocean. Meanwhile Aqua baby grows up to be Aquaman and has no mom, but he learns the ways of the sea. Now he is an adult and his people are trying to find the land dwellers, because they out litter in the ocean. Aquaman and Amber Heard go on a mission across the globe to find a new pitchfork to fight with. Now Black Manta is pissed and wants him dead cuz he didn’t save his dad. In the end there is a giant underwater ocean battle with sharks shooting lasers and an Octopus playing the drums. Will Aquaman save the day? Will Aquaman get a sequel? Will his chain wallet rust due to ocean water?

Okay this movie really is insane. You are just like “what the fuck” while watching it. Yes, It’s fun and you have never seen anything like this for sure. Jason comes off a little cheesy at times but that could be due to the score chosen for him. It’s TV show bad. He is fun though and you buy him as Aquaman. Really the weakest thing about this movie to me is the boring, PG, cheesy dialogue. It’s like give someone some fun lines to say There aren’t any really. I know James Wan is a better writer than this. James did put some cool action scenes in this movie. You are really just keep waiting to see those scenes. I do love Amber Heard, but she comes off a flat and lifeless in this movie. Except when she is riding Shamu the whale. Patrick Wilson is okay in it, but Black Manta is just angry. He is a one note bad guy. “I’m pissed, and hate Aquaman”. How can Black Manta be angry all day. When he gets up and makes eggs, is he angry making eggs? I really love the Black Manta character too but in this movie he is just angry and boring in every scene. The score is okay and there are some tracks that are pretty interesting. They do NOT play the theme music that is used in the trailer. That song is incredible. They blew it. Really though it is a fun movie with crazy shit in it that you have never seen before. You will enjoy riding the ride. You probably will not love it. It’s a crazy a movie that really doesn’t make sense and that’s the coolest thing going for it. Will I watch it again? No.

The trailer: You hear the cool score? It’s not in the movie sadly. 

The Facts:

A. He did this a lot. Haha They never show his aqua dong.

B. That hair though and outfit. Amber Heard is cool in things for sure, but lame in this.

C. Black Manta’s costume looked great. Too bad he was boring and angry.

D. I loved all the underwater scenes. It was nuts. The battles and fight scenes were bananas.

E. Nicole Kidman is living her life in this movie. Does she makes sense? No.

F. I do like James Wan as a director he has made some great films. I just wish the dialogue was better in this movie or at least memorable.

G. Captain Murk (Ludi Lin) was cool he should have been in it more.

H. Cute.

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