“Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood” or “Your Dirty Feet Stink” – my fuckin review

WARNING! If you are a white guy do not read this! I know that you all love Quentin Tarantino and will defend him like he is your goddamn mother! So, no need to read this review will make you angry etc.

Okay you were warned!

Here is my review for “Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood“. Quentin is back with his 9th film. He says it’s over at 10 because directors lose their edge or touch etc. Like all his films I was excited to see this one, Manson family stuff, Leo, 60’s dancing. What could go wrong?

The films starts off with Leo as an aging actor who is not getting the good roles anywhere. He hangs out with his stunt double Brad Pitt, who is also his driver and maid.  Cut to feet. Then Sharon Tate shows up and walks around. Then cut to her dirty feet. Now Bruce Lee shows up picking fights with Brad Pitt. Cut to feet. Then the Manson Family shows up and acts kind of crazy. Later Leo shoots a few scenes on a cowboy show that looks like a bad show. Now we are back to Sharon Tate playing some records. Then cut to yellow looking feet. Um gross. In the end it’s a happy ending for Sharon Tate, but not the 2 two other girls that got mutilated/destroyed.

Well…. Hmm…. The whole movie I kept fighting to like. I kept thinking, well that scene was cool, then I was bored. Then I was like wait where is this movie going, is it really just about Leo not getting good parts and some salt-n-pepper Manson Family stuff and non-stop shots of feet. Yep! They would show Mama Cass and you would get excited, then it would cut away from that scene. They would show Bruce lee and you would get excited, but he was barely in it. They would show Luke Perry, but he had like 2 lines. Every time I thought “Yesss”, it was a “nooo”. He is re-imagining history so why not have all these characters doing cooler things. Like Bruce Lee beating up Charles Manson or something. Instead most people are left confused, after Brad Pitt and Leo destroy 2 girls and guy that were a part of the Manson Family. Yes, I understand that those 3 people killed Sharon Tate and destroyed her in real life, but in the context of your movie we do not even know who they really are. I mean if you are in the audience and you are like 65 years old, then maybe you were like 15 when it happened. So maybe you know or remember the whole scoop. Your audience doesn’t know who these people are. They only know who Charles Manson is and his ass wasn’t there. If you don’t believe me ask someone around you. Who is Charles Manson and what did he do? The answer will be half ass I am sure.  So, Brad Pitt, who kills his wife for being a nag, also obliterated 2 more women. Then we are supposed to cheer for him. It felt weird, and I love horror movies and violence. WTF! Let’s face it, most people do not know history sooooo. Also in Inglourious Basterds they kill Hitler, which is great because the entire audience knows who Hitler is and what he has done, so it works. Let him die horribly, etc. I was with someone and they asked if Tex and Lulu were real. I said yes.

Listen I love Leo and it wasn’t that he was bad in this movie, it’s that he was kind of boring. I love Margot Robbie but she is wasted in this film. I am not a fan of Brad Pitt but he is okay in this movie too. The side characters are wasted though for sure. The movie is just boring, and the dialogue is not strong like his other films. Notice I didn’t say it was “long”. A movie can be 15 minutes long and still be boring as hell. Length is irrelevant to me.

It’s like you are teacher, and then your “A” student just turned in a “C” paper. Honestly I have enjoyed all his movies even “The Hateful Eight” (when people didn’t like it), and I really wanted to like this new film, but I couldn’t and I really feel disappointed about it. Once my favorite Director John Carpenter directed “Ghosts of Mars“, I kept telling people it was good, and it took me months to realize it wasn’t. Why? Because I didn’t want my favorite director to do something bad, but he did. Like I said I like Quentin’s movies but this one felt weak, flat and forgettable to me. Unless you love feet, then you will love it, they are all in this movie. I could ramble for days but in the end, it felt like Quentin Tarantino was told to make a Quentin Tarantino film. Like if you were told to make it, it would look this way.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Quentin Tarantino directed this it’s his 9th film. One more to go etc. Listen I have enjoyed all his movies that he has made and I felt this one was boring and like a bunch of puzzle pieces that didn’t fit together. The more I thought about it the more disappointed I became, because I do love all his movies, but not this one. It just wasn’t for me I guess. I know people are loyalists to their favorite directors and do not see the flaws or whatever.

I have learned never to argue with white guys who love Tarantino. They will stab you if you say you don’t love him.

B. Leonardo DiCaprio I love you and alway have. You were good in this movie, but I felt empty in the end. This picture even looks like this would be a fun scene. It wasn’t.

C. Brad Pitt I have always been indifferent about Brad over the years, he is fine in this movie I guess.

D. Mike Moh (Empire) did a good job playing Bruce Lee, but by the end of his scene you felt weird about it. They made him out to be this super hot headed jerk. Maybe he was a jerk, I didn’t know him. It just felt weird. Like if I am fan of someone I would not have put him in this light.

An article with Bruce Lee’s daughter talking about the films portray of Bruce.

https://news.avclub.com/shannon-lee-says-once-upon-a-time-in-hollywood-made-1836830395

 

E. Here is what Margot Robbie did the whole movie. Just stood places looking pretty etc. Literally her whole part in this film. It’s not even about being sexist. It’s about being boring. When you bore your audience you have failed as a filmmaker or anything really.

F. The soundtrack was full of 60’s songs. A lot of his movies do a great job connecting songs with scenes, that you will think of when you hear the song later. This movie didn’t real feel like that. Ya know, like you know the songs from Kill Bill and what scene they are in. No music in this film felt married to the scene.

G. This is the movie I wanted to see. 2 pics from a party scene in the movie. It was not the film I got.

H. There were non-stop commercials playing on the radio throughout the film. I hated that.

I. I wonder how the future will view/like his movies. Like in 50 years, when he is dead. I still think Kill Bill and Death Proof can be liked in the future.

J. Cute.

 

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