“A Quiet Place” or “Silent But Deadly” or “I’m Not Trying To Hear That!” My fuckin review

Here is my review for “A Quiet Place“. Okay so this family (white) has survived and alien invasion/apocalypse. They have survived because the aliens are blind as fuck, but they can hear shit from 2 cities away. So you have got to shut the fuck up! Any noise will make them come and eat you in seconds. The family lives in the woods on a giant farm.. They have a daughter who is hearing impaired and a son who is giving a scared face constantly. The mother is also pregnant. Listen I get it, humans have sex and want to have babies or whatever, but if there is an alien apocalypse where you can’t make a noise then DO NOT GET PREGNANT aka don’t have sex aka don’t have a baby. In fact if there is any apocalypse where something is coming to kill you don’t have a baby. It cries and shit etc. So ya know, think about it for like 2 seconds. This family did not. It’s more important to love or bang or keep having babies for the future or some dumb shit. Okay meanwhile the aliens are running around and are hungry and the family is caught up in a fight for their life to stay quiet or be eaten! Kids being quiet. These days. haha I would have LOL’d and died.

Okay this movie was scary and tense for sure. You will be stressed out watching it. You will also be quiet watching it because it can be so silent at times. Then some shit will pop off and scare the fuck out of you! Everyone was great in it especially the kids. I love that the little girl (Millicent Simmonds) and she is really hearing impaired and they use sign language a lot. Which I loved. The little boy (Noah Jupe) sells the shit out of it. He really looks horrified. He was in the movie “Wonder” too, and was so believable in that movie. He is a future star for sure. John Krasinski was good in it too and he also directed this movie and he did a good job with the scares and characters. I just wish they would not have kept doing dumb shit the entire movie to justify making noise. You roll your eyes a lot when shit happens because you are like “Okay they dumb”. It’s a thing in a lot of horror movies or the joke is that here are some dumb white folks doing stupid shit again. You don’t have to make characters do stupid shit to justify your plot or scares in a horror movie. If you can get over this then you will love the movie. I did like it a lot and it was fun and interesting for sure. I love an alien apocalypse too. The score is amazing! It’s Marco Beltrami and he has being doing horror movie scores for years and they are the best! I loved it. You should check out this movie for some alien scares and characters that look scared as fuck. PS the aliens looked like The Lickers from “Resident Evil”. I am not sure if they did that on purpose or not.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Emily Blunt (My Little Pony: The Movie) was cute in this. I honestly can’t remember her face ever. I don’t know why. I hear her name and I am like what has she been and what does she look like. Then I see her and I am like I don’t remember her at all. I could be writing this right next to her right now and not know it was her. She is the new Mary Poppins so maybe when that comes out I will remember her. Mary Poppins Returns

B. John Krasinski I do know his face but I just realized I have never seen him in anything but The Muppets 2011. I have never seen The Office but I am aware he was in it. He gave it to you mute style, and he also directed this film and co-wrote it. 

C. Noah Jupe was so real in this movie. He looks scared as fuck! He was great in Wonder too. 

D. Millicent Simmonds  (Wonderstruck) is great in this movie she did some dumb shit though and needed a talking too aka ass whipped.

E. I would have died the first hour in this movie. Shutting up is hard to do or at least I would have made a sound proof room or live in a music studio where it’s sound proof. If you are thinking well I don’t know how to do that etc. I just did a google search. So many ways.

F. Marco Beltrami composed the score and he is awesome! Take a listen.

G.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer had an episode call “Hush” and there was no sound in it. It reminded me of that episode. There is even a part where Buffy screams out loud because of the quiet at the end etc. It’s one of Buffy’s most talked about episodes. Also there was an episode of Switched at Birth where it was from the perspective of a character that is hearing impaired. So no sound either. 

1:47 into this

H. The scariest part was waiting to hear if someone was going to fart in the audience. It was that quiet.

I. Here is a poster that I added to, to make it better. That’s a LICKER from Resident Evil too. Tell me they aren’t the same monster.

“Insidious: The Last Key” or “Beep Beep, Who Got The Keys To The Jeep? A GHOST BITCH!” – my fucking review

Here is my review for “Insidious: The Last Key“. Elise Rainier is back and she has to deal with more ghosts and her family this time! This is the 4th Insidious movie but it’s another prequel, so that way we can still have Elise as the main character. She died in the first Insidious movie. She has literally been in all 4 movies, but honestly we love her and want her in them. Okay this time she has to deal with shit from her childhood and growing up. Things her and her brother witnessed and now as an adult she is back at their childhood home fucking shit up with her newly found nieces. Specs and Tucker are back and there are a bunch of ghosts and a few twists here and there too. In the end she tells a ghost to fuck off and learns that family is important. We also see everything come full circle and connect to Insidious part 1. I love that.

Okay so this movie is fun and I love Elise aka Lin Shaye she is amazing in these films and we have always loved her in anything. It’s just cool that she is 74 years old and the star of a huge horror movie franchise. I would buy an Elise doll. These movies really are like walking through a haunted house attraction and the ghosts jump out at you. You will be jumping and screaming watching it for sure. Is it super scary? No, but it is fun and spooky and if you love the Insidious movies it’s fun to see all 4 of them connect. Joseph Bishara composed the score to this one and all the Insidious films, so they sound/feel the same. If you watch all 4 films together it’s a fun long ride. Haha That being said I think I like part 1, then 2, then 4, then 3. In that order. So if you love the world of Insidious and ghosts and shit you will probably like this movie. I dug it and it was fun. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Lin Shaye is a horror hero. She is 74 and still giving it to you! We love you.

Lin was in A Nightmare on Elm Street  and

New Nightmare

B. Joseph Bishara Composed the score again and it was scary and he is great for these films.

C. Where is the key!

D. Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson are great and back as Specs and Tucker. 

E. Ummmm Where was she? I never saw her but she is in the trailer.


F. Directed by Adam Robitel (The Taking of Deborah Logan). This pic came up when I was looking for a pic of him. They said he is an up and coming LGBT director. 


G. That’s a lot of keys.

“The Shape of Water” or “Yes, He Has A Green Dick” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “The Shape of Water “. Okay so this movie starts off in the 1950’s with a lady named Elisa who is mute. She is single janitor and works in a top-secret government research base.  She is lonely as fuck and except for a gay neighbor and best friend Octavia Spencer, who is also a Janitor. One day at the base a water monster/ocean demon/creature from the black lagoon shows up to be experimented on by an evil Michael Shannon. He is mean to the creature and kicks it and shit. Meanwhile Elisa plays hit songs from the 50’s for it and give it eggs. Later Michael Shannon is like fuck this beast and the Govt. is too, so Elisa tries to help it. In the end Elisa falls in love with the water demon and then she end up banging it and flooding her apartment and her basement. We all learn that love goes beyond looks and species etc. 

Okay so this movie is a lot of fun and real cute. The water creature/god looks real as hell and you will love his skinny ass too. Sally Hawkins is great in the film and I do love the use of sign language too in the film. I liked Michael Shannon as an actor but he plays a bad guy a lot and it’s the same game. I mean yeah he makes a good bad guy and he is bad in this, etc. I love Octavia Spencer in anything but she feels ripped off in this. Like we have seen her play this part before. Give her something else she is amazing. She can do anything! Meanwhile the creature aka Doug Jones was so real and graceful and beautiful. They do describe his dick haha you don’t see it, even though everyone in the movie and world is wondering. Don’t lie asshole you are too. I mean they sleep together and you see Sally Hawkins  fully nude from head to toe, and she is even masturbating. They could have at least shown a green rubber ding-dong. Oh is that too much? Shut the fuck up. You see that Sally  for ass to elbow and you can’t show a green thing ding. Double standard shit. She can bare all and the male is covered up again in movies. Even when he is a goddamn monster or whatever. Anyway it’s a cute film about how people who are different can stick together and the 50’s were a real drag. Go check it out. If you love The Creature from the Black Lagoon and horror movies you will love this movie too.   

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Yes they had sex. Who wouldn’t have. Would you touch a green ding dong?

B. Guillermo del Toro (MimicBlade IIHellboyPan’s LabyrinthPacific Rim) made this film. Honestly this film is his best movie. His other stuff is okay.

C. He is trying to get a look at dat ass. Doug Jones played the Aqua dude. 

He also played Abe Sapien in Hellboy

He also plays Saru in Star Trek: Discovery

D. Sally Hawkins was great in this. She gave it to you, and to the water demon/god.

E. It was composed by Alexandre Desplat. (Moonrise KingdomThe Grand Budapest HotelGodzillaRise of the Guardians). It was cute.

A sample:

F. Basically Guillermo del Toro wanted to do a movie where the Creature from the Black Lagoon fell in love with and girl and then you see her boobies. Sorry kiddies. That’s what I think. He was a horror teen and he saw that movie and loved the creature and loved the girl. The End.

G. There has been talk about a short film looking like or ripping off the Shape of Water coming out in 2015. Here is a link to some info about it.  Guillermo del Toro says he just watched the short film the other day.




G. This poster is real pretty.


“Better Watch Out” or “Fucked Up Christmas” – my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Better Watch Out“. Okay so it’s a Christmas horror movie. Are you ready? Some of you can’t handle that shit. I love horror Christmas movies.

Okay so I don’t want to give shit away, but here is the basics a 12-year-old parents are going out for the night during Christmas. His Babysitter Ashley is coming over to watch his ass even though he is told old for this shit. He has the hots for Ashley and is trying to hit on her, but scary shit starts to pop off. His best friend comes over and gets caught up in the mix. Shit hits the fan and I was screaming! Yes, I screamed out lately from Happiness! Now that’s all I am saying. No Spoilers!!!!!!

Okay this movie starting off with me rolling my eyes. Like we seen this shit before then shit got nuts. Then I started screaming! YESSSSSSSSSS! I really liked this movie. It’s fucked up Christmas fun! All three Actors did great. I was into all of them and they sold that shit! I said YES a lot! Yes, it’s cruel and violent, but it’s not really gory. So don’t wig out or do. If you love Horror and Christmas then you will have fun watching this shit. I watched then ordered it on Blu Ray the next day. I really hope they make sequel but I doubt they well it was so indie and was just ON DEMAND etc. It was like Home Alone and Funny Games rolled into one! If you don’t know what Funny Games is then you’re a fool find it now and watch it. If you are looking for a fucked up cruel ass Christmas Horror movie then you found it. I was waiting on it! Go watch it now! Also watch all the credits!!!!!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Olivia DeJonge was great in this. You will remember her from the movie “The Visit“.

Here she is and Ed Oxenbould who are both in this movie and THE VISIT. 

B. I mean he was great in this and is my hero. Levi Miller will be a star one day. He was in Pan

C. Chris Peckover directed this I am curios to see what’s next. Undocumented

D. Ed Oxenbould was great in this shit too.  You will remember her from the movie “The Visit“. 

E. Virginia Madsen from Candyman is in this movie!

F. I love this line from the movie. YES!

G. I have been making violent Christmas shorts forever! I love it!

H. Other Christmas horror movies I like Silent Night, Deadly Night , Krampus , GremlinsBlack ChristmasBlack Christmas 1974. Go check these out too.

I. Cute ass Poster!


“My Friend Dahmer” or “Dahmer High” – my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Ross Lynch“. Can you feel sorry for the devil? That’s the big question this movie is asking your ass. Okay so this is the story of serial killer Jeffery Dahmer before he starting killing. Which was while he was in High School and he had a couple of friends. What his family and life was like and what he did and went through. What he was like dealing with the need to kill and also being gay. How his friends saw him and his alcoholism. Until the day he began killing men right after he graduated. So get ready for bizarre tale.

Okay this film really is interesting, you really only hear about his life when he starting killing people and that’s it. It’s interesting to see where he came from and what turned him into this “devil”. There is a lot of stuff you just didn’t know about him. At times you even feel sorry for him, then you get to the end and remember, oh shit he killed 17 dudes. Then you are like goddamnnnnn. It’s all fucked up. What’s also creepy/cool is that they filmed in his real house that he grew up in. It still looks the exact same. Ross Lynch who plays Jeff really did a great job, not playing him scary or weird, but just playing him. Let the viewer find what creeps them out etc. He is a human, even if he is fucked up. You can learn from this cat and so that you know the 20 others that are like him coming your way in the future. Don’t forget Anne Heche is in this and plays his crazy ass mom. She is great and Anne really fun to watch in shit. Okay check this movie out if you want to see real life horror. This was one interesting and fucked up high school drama. Honestly I wish this was a 10 episode Netflix series dealing with his whole life. Ross was that good in it and it was that interesting. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Ross Lynch plays Jeff Dahmer and he was great. That hair needs an Oscar too. Drop Ross in other cool roles. 

B. The real Jeff.

C. It was filmed in Jeffery Dahmer’s actual childhood home in Bath, Ohio.

D. His doctor was Vincent Kartheiser from MR. ROBOT. He felt his balls during a check up and Jeff got a boner. Haha that was a lot. 

E. Anne Heche was nuts in this, but great. 

F. Here is the comic book his friend wrote about him. https://www.amazon.com/My-Friend-Dahmer-Derf-Backderf/dp/1419702173

G. Here is Ross in Disney’s “Teen Beach Movie“.

H. The poster is cute.

“Leatherface” or “LeatherTeen/Leathertwink” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Leatherface” 2017. Leatherface is back! This time he is a teenager and locked up in a mental hospital. I wish he was more emo but he isn’t. When he is little he gets locked up because his family is fucked up. Mama Leatherface (Lili Taylor) is crazy and wants him to learn the chainsaw at 10, but the cops take him to a mental hospital instead. He grows up there, then during a riot he breaks out with some other crazies and an annoying nurse. What’s really “crazy” is that Leatherface is not the ugly monster we have come to know and love. He is a teen heart-throb. WHAT THE FUCK! He is also really nice to everyone including the hostage nurse. Meanwhile they are all on the run from the cops and fight with each other along the way. Will Leatherface ever find Leathermom? Will he ever find his true ugly face? Will he learn to work a chainsaw? 

Okay so by the end I don’t know if I cared anymore. I guess it was cute that Leatherface was not some chunky weirdo. That was interesting, but it really didn’t make sense when you think about it. I mean he gets ugly, but it’s like okayyyyy. Then it’s like do we need a prequel with a kind Leatherface? NO. It’s not scary. We just feel sorry for him. We want him to make it in life. Even the mom we like because it’s an actress we like. So what are we supposed to do? I guess support the Leatherface family and hope they live and make it. What the fuck. Even the innocent/survivor girl is annoying and forgettable. It’s like throw her in a ditch who cares. Go LeatherTwink or whatever. Haha Just wait for Netflix to watch this movie or just watch the original. That shit is scary and real and fucked up. This is a teen drama. If you love Leatherface you will want to see this, then you will wish it was a love story about a boy and his chainsaw.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Sam Strike plays teenage Leatherface. He gets acne later or whatever.

B. Stephen Dorff plays the sheriff and he hates the Leatherface family.

His best role was in “The Gate“.

C. It was directed by Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury (ABCs of Death 2 (segment “X is for Xylophone”)). I guess nice try. 

D. Lili Taylor is Leatherface’s mom and she did what she could with these brats. 

Lili’s best part was in “Say Anything… “. Watch.

E. Vanessa Grasse was the Final/Survivor girl in the film and she was a bore and forgettable. Leave her ass in a ditch.

Here is how you sell it. Watch this from the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

F. John Frizzell (The FollowingAlien: ResurrectionDante’s Peak) composed the score. It was generic like his other scores. 

G. This poster is cute I guess. I wish we could have seen Leatherface on a date.


What I did for Halloween 2017!

Here is what I did during Halloween 2017. I keep a log of what I did so that I can look back and see years later. Also to make sure that I did enough to make Samhain happy. Thanks to all who celebrated Halloween with me.

  1. We had a Halloween meeting to plan stuff in August.

2. Tied “IT” Balloons on the street.

Watch here!

3. Went to see Suspiria in the theater.

4. Went to see “It.

5. Watched “Poltergeist”.

6. Max and I made a new video series called “Just Give Me The Deetz” dressed as Lydia Deetz.

7. Decorated my front door.

8. Painted coffins and watched Pet Cemetery.

9. Watched Scream 2 and took pics!

10. We went to FEAR THE WOODS haunted house/trail.

Our “Just Give Me The Deetz” video got reposted by FEAR THE WOODS too.

11. We we to see Halloween in the theater.

12. I explained “Curses” on Adult Swim.

13. Creepy Co. Shared my Halloween pic!

14. Got a message from someone from youtube about a video I put up 10 years ago from Salem on Halloween.

“I don’t know how often you check this and if you’ll ever see this, but just wanted to let you know your video “Magic Pumpkin Man” has brought so much joy to my friend and I for the past 10 years lol. I came across it on YouTube while looking up Nightmare Before Christmas clips in 07 and every year around Halloween we send it to each other. It is really the glue keeping our long distance friendship going. So just wanted to thank you and please don’t ever delete it. It is hilarious and the best Halloween masterpiece I’ve ever seen. Happy Halloween!”

Wow who knew. It’s only a few seconds long. haha

15. Went to Camp Blood

16. Watched Beetlejuice!

17. Went to see Monster Squad!

18. Went to see Happy Death Day!

19. Went to a Cabin for Friday the 13th Weekend!

Here is the video for it.

20. Went to Nightmare’s Gate Haunted House

21. Went so the THE CRAFT!

22. Went to see CHRISTINE!

23. Went to the Grant Park Halloween Lantern Parade

24. Went to a Spooky Tales Party at Eli and Diana’s.

25. Was in the Little 5 Points Halloween Parade.

Dressed at Wonder Pickle. 
Here is everyone from the Adult Swim Float. 

We bought 1,000 dollars worth of candy for it.

I was in the Creative Loafing biting my lip.

We streamed it live on Adult Swim.

Here is the link to watch it : Click Here!

26. We carved Pumpkins.

27. Here is my pumpkin for 2017.

28. We made costumes on Assembly Line Yeah on Adult Swim!

Watch the episode here:

Click this to watch episode

30. Was on Swap Shop with Zach, Adam and Sasha on Adult Swim with a Halloween Special as Sonny the Shark.

Here is a link for the show:Click here for show!


31. Went to Goth Nite in my first costume. The Grim Reaper of 2017.

It was inspired by this pin Max Fisher sent me a pic of and the maker of it tagged me in his pos when I posted me in it.


32. Here is my Halloween costume for 2017. The Georgia Patch King 1817.

33. Went to Mary’s Halloween party.

Here is the video!

34. Went to Joey W.’s Halloween Party TERROR ON GRANT PARK.

Here is the video!

35. Made tombstones on Assembly Line for Adult Swim.

Here is a link to watch the episode: Click this!

37. Put out our Halloween night pumpkin.

38. Gave out candy, to nobody. They didn’t show up.


39. Here is a look at all the Halloween fun in a video!


40. Went to see John Carpenter in Concert in NY with Matt Gallo.

Here is the video.