“Thor: Ragnarok” or “Thor: Let’s Just Have Fun Bitch!” – my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Thor: Ragnarok“. This time Thor is back and he has to fight an emo Cate Blanchett! She is pissed and has antlers and shit. So Thor and his brother Loki get tossed to another planet where Jeff Goldblum is the ruler. There Thor is forced to fight The Hulk and the comedy and craziness pops off. The Hulk is walking around naked. Finally, give the audience what they want to see. Green ass! Now they all have to go fight Cate on Thor’s planet. It’s the big showdown on Thor’s world to the music of Led Zeppelin. Honeslty, you will be happy!

Okay so this movie is insane and fun as hell. The cast looked like they were having as much fun making it as you were watching it. Everybody was in on the jokes. I mean these worlds are insane, how can they not poke fun at all the bullshit. It was directed by Taika Waititi and he did an amazing job with it. It’s like, yes have all the action and adventure and all that shit, but we want the characters to get the joke like we are. We want to see Hulk’s ass instead of us just joking about it each movie. Let the characters be over-the-top and witty and not so serious all the time. Even the score was the best Marvel had to offer because it was weird and different. Mark Mothersbaugh gave it to you. Let the composers do their job and do something interesting. Not the same old generic action shit we have heard the past 10 films. This was for sure the best Thor movie, and also one of the best Marvel movies, because it was nuts, crazy, funny, and fun. Don’t miss this one you will love it. I will watch it again and laugh.

The trailer:

The Facts:

A. First of all this. Hulks ass was in this movie. I am still trying to find a real pic of it from the film still.

B. This film was directed by Taika Waititi (What We Do in the ShadowsFlight of the Conchords ). He also plays Korg in the movie. He is great. 

He was also Tom Kalmaku in the 2011 Green Lantern movie.

C. Cate Blanchett was the best drag queen this year.

D. Jeff Goldblum should get an Oscar.

E. I do love this song by Led Zeppelin

F. This is Marvel movies best score. Listen to this and agree. It’s original and fun and memorable. Not generic at all. Mark Mothersbaugh composed it (Pee-wee’s Big HolidayThe Lego Movie21 Jump StreetBig LoveRugratsThe Royal Tenenbaums). He is the lead singer of Devo.

G. Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston are a cool duo in this movie.

H. Tessa Thompson was great in this movie and her characters was Bisexual but they cut it out. I guess it was too much for straight ass audiences to know there are other sexualities in the universe. 

http://www.slashfilm.com/valkyrie-bisexual-thor-ragnarok/

thor-ragnarok-tessa-thompson.jpg

I. This poster is amazing. The color on this poster and the film. Yes!

“The Babysitter” or “The Best Babysitter Ever” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “The Babysitter“.  Okay this is a McG movie but before you turn into a bitch about it. I love “Charlie’s Angels” and “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle“. Fuck everyone! They are fun rollercoaster films. You just ride them and laugh and do not over analyze the wood. Okay so the Babysitter starts off with a boy named Cole who is too old to have a babysitter, because he is still scared and shit. His babysitter, Bee, is cool and hot. They are also really best friends when they hang out and have a great time. She is the best babysitters ever. Until he stays up passed his bedtime and he finds out she is fuckin with Satanic Sacrifices in the living room with her friends. Now Cole is trying to survive but in a smart ass way until the end. Will he live? Will he join her? Will you find out why that dude has his shirt off?

Okay this movie is fun and funny as fuck! I love everyone in this movie. Cole and Bee are like a best friend duo you want to see in 10 films. They really do a great job setting them up as not just baby and babysitter but also friends as well. When shit derails you can tell they are still friends but have to deal with the cards on the table. They don’t all of sudden hate each other. They never make Cole seem like a dumb kid or Bee like a mega evil bitch. Just shit they both gotta deal with to survive. Even in the end shit has to go the way it does. Honestly say what you want about director McG, but he has fun as a director. The rest of the cast is over-the-top and fun and you will love them too. The music in the film is great also and they picked the right composer. Honestly this movie was so much fun to watch and I can’t wait to watch it again. There is a new trend in Horror movies this year with weirdly happy/fun plots but graphic/multiple death scenes. Almost like positive horror movies. I have heard it called “Millennial Horror” I hate that name. I’m into it the films though. Like this film or “Happy Death Day” or Tragedy Girls“.  Feel good horror movies with a violent twist. You can watch this on Netflix right now and you should.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Judah Lewis played Cole and he was great. He will be in a bunch of shit from here on out. He sold that shit. 

B. They played Peaches. So yes.

C. Samara Weaving was fun and cool as Bee. 

D. McG directed this movie he also did Charlie’s Angels and Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. I loved both those movies fuck you!

E. Their friendship was a lot of fun. You wished you had it. They were a cool duo.

F. This cast was great.

G. Douglas Pipes composed the score. It was a hoot too bitch. He also composed Trick ‘r TreatKrampusMonster House. So fun shit!

H. We made some Satanic comedies in 2010. Here are the links. They are pretty great!

I. This poster is fuckin great.

Top 10 Horror Movies to Get A Blow Job During!

Here is a list of my top 10 horror movies to watch while getting a blow job during. You can also be the one giving the blow job.

  1. Halloween II – This film is great to get a BJ in. The music is great and mood is great. The scene where the nurse and Ambulance driver Budd are making out in the therapy tub is a great place to do it too.

2. Scream– Boner alert! You are going to want a BJ all night with this flick! Neve Campbell, Drew Barrymore, Courteney Cox, and Rose McGowan are all in this movie! Plus you know you will want to be in a Skeet Ulrich and Matthew Lillard sandwich! 

3. The Craft– This movie is full of witch BJs like Fairuza Balk and also if you want to get crazy, Skeet Ulrich is in this too.

4. Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles– This is your gateway bisexual blowjob. This movie has a lot of Bi-Vamps running around and maybe you want to play it cool cuz you got a girlfriend, but you want her to suck it while looking a boy vamps kiss and not tell her, well then this is the movie for you.

5. Hellraiser– All that leather will surely get the blood pumping in that peen, also Julia bangs Frank on her wedding dress.

6. An American Werewolf in London– Werewolves are hot and there is a lot of nudity in this film. You will want a BJ while laying on a fur rug during this film.

7. From Dusk Till Dawn– Who doesn’t want a BJ while watching Satanico dance around holding a snake. You can pretend it’s Salma Hayek holding your snake.

8. Elvira: Mistress of the Dark– This whole movie is a BJ fest. Big boobies everywhere. You will want a BJ the entire run time of this film.

9. Beetlejuice– Say his name 3 times and he will give you that BJ. You can pretend you are Lydia Deetz and really get freaky.

10. The Witches of Eastwick – 3 hot witches looking for love! You you know you will want a BJ during this movie. Especially with Cher, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer running around.

I hope you enjoyed this list and I hope you get head soon while watching these movies, or give it to someone while they watch them. Bj’s are the new “Hello” these days so go say Hello to some for Halloween now. What’s a movies am I missing?

2960738759_de6cec13fb_o-copy.jpg
One of my favorite pumpkin pics of my good friend John banging it.

“Happy Death Day” or “The Feel Good Slasher Movie of the Year” my fuck review

Here is my review for “Happy Death Day“. A slasher movie with a heart of gold. The movie begins with a girl named Tree starting her birthday out waking up in some guys bed in a dorm room. She is hung over and moody. She heads to her sorority and goes through the day and ends up getting chased and killed by someone wearing a baby mask. Then is surprised when she wakes back up in the same guys dorm room again from that morning. Starting the whole goddamn day over again. She has deja vu all day and the killer shows up again and kills her in a different way. The movie gets more nuts and nuts as she gets killed all kinds of ways over and over again. Will she every get out of this crazy ass Groundhog Day! Will she find out who the killer is? Will she love the guy in the dorm room?

Okay this movie is nuts! You see her ass get murdered so many times, but it’s a lot of fun and funny too. Jessica Rothe plays Tree and she was great, somebody put her ass in more horror movies ASAP. She is a scream queen for sure. I loved her! Her mix of comedy and terror was a deal sealer! Israel Broussard was the dorm room guy and her love interest and he was cool too. They made a cool team. By the end of the film you really dug both of them and wanted them to live. You even felt that Tree learned something about life and how to be a better person and shit. It really was the feel good movie of the year. They did a great job balancing horror with emotions. Usually it’s just body count, but since it’s just her body dying on loop you get to know her and like her. Also you got your slasher feel too. Think crazy death scenes like in “Friday the 13th”. If you are looking for a fun/funny slasher horror film this is it. I love it and I loved the crazy way all the shit played out. It was a cool idea for a horror film and it’s worth the watch. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Jessica Rothe (She was in La La Land  as somebody?) plays Tree. A weird ass name but I guess you remember it. I love her in it. I hope she pops in more horror movies. Make her the new Scream Queen she is fun and memorable as fuck. Look at all her looks in this movie. 

B. Here is the killers mask. It was the colleges teams mask.

C. Christopher Landon directed this movie. He directed Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones and wrote DisturbiaParanormal Activity 2, 3 and 4. His father is Michael Landon from Little House on the Prairie.

Also Scott Lobdell wrote this movie. He wrote the X-Men (TV Series) 1993- 1996. WTF!

D. You will learn how to learn how to live your shitty life better.

E. Israel Broussard (The Bling Ring , Fear the Walking Dead) plays the cute dude Carter. He was good too for what he played. 

F. There is another cool Birthday horror movie.

With an amazing theme song!!!!

G, The score is composed by Bear McCreary (Terminator: The Sarah Connor ChroniclesBattlestar GalacticaThe Walking Dead) and it was fun. I like his stuff.

H. 2 posters they are both cool as fuck.

 

“Kingsman: The Golden Circle” or “Kingsmess: Golden Character Collision of Alcoholism” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Kingsman: The Golden Circle“. Okay I loved  the first “Kingsman: The Secret Service” so I was excited to see this movie. Here is a link to my first review https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/03/06/kingsman-the-secret-service-or-a-chav-james-bond-my-fuckin-review/

Okay so this movie starts off and Eggsy (Taron Egerton) is a full-blown spy now with a girlfriend (The princess at the end of the first movie). He is doing cartwheels and hanging from cars and shit. This time there is a group of bad guys called The Golden Circle ran by Julianne Moore that want to legalize drugs by killing people with drugs. What nowwww? Anyway the Kingsman have to get help from The Statesman, who are American spies that make whisky. Now they are teamed up with Channing Tatum and Halle Berry and a lot of Booze. Then Elton John shows up for comic relief over and over again, and Eggsy has to finger some girl and cheat on his future wife so that he can save the world. Yes, this is real. It’s a lot. In the end robot dogs show up, more Elton John and more booze. 

Okay so like I said I dug the first movie but this movie feels all over the place and there is a room full of stars that have nowhere to go. They are just standing around and bumping into each other with bad lines. Eggsy’s princess girlfriend should have been deleted. It’s just dumb and irritating. We get it people get married to dumb people. Then he fingers that girl and she is mad for an hour and then the wedding is still on. Like it really doesn’t matter? Huh? They even cut to Eggsy’s finger going inside the girl’s vagina in the movie. Ummmm What the fuck Haha.

I also honestly don’t know if they were pro drugs or anti drugs by the end of the film. Who the hell knows. I do know they were pro alcohol. There was booze everywhere. Tables, buildings, belt buckles, etc were designed after whisky products. Everything and everyone was drinking up Johnny. If you are a frat boy you will love this movie. Start a drinking game. Drink every time they drink or you see alcohol shit in it. I promise you will be dead or in the hospital 15 minutes into the movie. Meanwhile Elton John shows up for cameo joke. Then you are like okay whatever that’s cute. Then 10 times later I am like seriously. This shit ain’t funny. Also his dialogue was “fuck you” (sounds like my films, fuck you too). We get it you’re a bitch I guess, that somehow can fight like you are in the Matrix. Gross. Anyway yes I was disappointed in this movie and the more I think about it the more I dislike it. It was like a disorganized spy movie made by an 18-year-old frat boy who was drunk. So skip or wait for Netflix.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I do think Taron Egerton is cool in stuff. In this one he doesn’t seem as at ease as the first one, but whatever.

B. If you are an alcoholic skip this movie. It is a non-stop booze ad. Honestly weirdly a lot.

Drink it up at Comic Con.

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-comic-con-2017-watch-halle-berry-kingsman-1500580488-htmlstory.html

They are going to release the Bourbon from the film too.

http://screencrush.com/kingsman-golden-circle-bourbon-featurette/

C. Julianne Moore even felt out-of-place in this movie. 

D. The whole character of Eggy’s character (Hanna Alström) should have been deleted. It was a waste of time. Kill her. 

E. Don’t tell me I have to sit through Elton John cursing people out every five minutes then having him flying through the fucking air in fight scenes and winking at the camera. If this interests you, then this is the movie for you. I wanted to walk out.

F. Channing Tatum aka Tequila was a waste of time too. He should have been in it more. He was wasted. There was a shot of him on the table and his bulge was huge I don’t know if this was real or supposed to be a joke?

G. Stars, Stars everywhere and plenty of booze to drink. 

“Cult of Chucky” or “Multi-Chuckys But Still Not Enough Chuckys” – my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Cult of Chucky“.  First of all of the Chucky movies are entertaining as hell. These last 2 films have tried to make them more serious and scary again etc. I think what makes Chucky fun and memorable are the laughs though.  Okay so Nica (Fiona Dourif) is back and she is in a mental hospital because of shit that happened from the last film. They think she killed people but it was Chucky. This plot already bores me. The nobody believes her routine, while Chucky goes around killing people. Meanwhile what issssss cool is that Andy (Alex Vincent) from part 1 and 2 is back and all grown up and pissed. He is dealing with Chucky’s head that talks. Also Tiffany is back, well Jennifer Tilly. Remember Tiffany took over Jennifer Tilly’s body in “Seed of Chucky“.  I love her in these movies too. So they are running around while there are a bunch of Chucky’s popping off killing people in the hospital. There is a new voodoo spell that multiples him. Anyway some twists happen and stay until the end of the credits for another surprise guest. I will tell you it’s not Glen, their son. Who I was hoping was going to be in this movie. He was not and I am pissed! 

Okay this is a Chucky movie so it’s fun to watch, but will I buy it? No. Why because they went away from the fun and the laughs. I get it. This is what Writer and Director Don Mancini is probably wanting and he is saying “We want to go back to the scares of part 1 and 2”. Well bitch you are on part 7 and we are too familiar with this character now. There are toys, posters, and T-shirts of him everywhere. Nobody is scared anymore so you better make his ass entertaining. Which you did with “Bride of Chucky” and “Seed of Chucky“. So deal with it.  Now you got us taking this serious (boring) ride again with you with “Curse” and “Cult” and we are falling asleep. We are just sitting there waiting for the next scene with Chucky. We wished the Tiffany doll was in it more too. I don’t care about Nica or even Andy or whoever. They are just in the way of the real show. Chucky and Tiffany! Don’t take me to the zoo and make me listen to humans talk for 2 hours about the rules of the zoo. Where are the lions and monkeys! You feel me. They should have been chasing Andy and other characters from all the films for 2 hours raising hell! Listening to Ariana Grande or some shit. Anyway figure it out. We love Chucky and Tiffany and we want to love them more. We even love their love for each other! Power couple. Watch it if you love Chucky, but it will just make you wish you had more. Also the whole movie I am waiting on Glen and he can’t even get a cameo or some shit! Fuck this!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Brad Dourif is the voice of Chucky and he is brilliant. We want more Chucky screen time. Fuck all these dumb humans clogging up the screen.

B. Honestly my favorite Chucky movie is Bride of Chucky” and then “Seed of Chucky. Because they had fun with it and made it all about Chucky and the laughs and screams, and the cursing and killing and the craziness of it all. Yes, maybe it’s not really scary or whatever, but were any of them. These 2 movies launched Chucky into a new level of icon status. Watch this trailer. The jokes in it are amazing.

Look at what each film grossed!

Child’s Play – $44,196,684 (Worldwide) 

Child’s Play 2 – $35,763,605 (Worldwide)

Child’s Play 3 -$20,560,255 (Worldwide)

Bride of Chucky  – $50,671,850 (Worldwide) WINNER! Why? You tell me. People loved this movie!

Seed of Chucky- $24,741,977 (Worldwide)

C.  The “nobody believes me” plot is boring.

D. Nica, Andy, and Tiffany. The Stars of Cult and all the Chucky films.

E. Where the fuck was Glen!!!!!! GOD DAMN!

F.  I mean honestly this scene with all 3 dolls from “Seed of Chucky” is amazing and nuts! Literally brilliant.

God almighty this scene is amazing too.

G. Here is the poster or cover. Boring.

“Jeepers Creepers 3” or “The Cheaper Goes After Country Boys” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Jeepers Creepers III“. Okay so this is part 3 and it took a while to make. I loved the first “Jeepers Creepers” and “Jeepers Creepers II” was fun also. So I was excited about this one, maybe 10 years ago, but here we are and the protesters say don’t see it because the Director Victor Salva is the real CREEPER. True. Look it up. Anyway the creeper is back and it starts off where one leaves off, outside the police station that Justin Long gets ganked at. The police dude (Brandon Smith) that was in the first Jeepers is back with a wig on or something to act like it’s the same night etc. He teams up with some Creeper Hunters to go find the bitch. Now cut to Meg Foster who is the mother of some kid who died back in 78 (the years John Carpenter’s Halloween came out). She is seeing visions of the creeper and she hates him, also her teen granddaughter owns a pony. Then here comes the country teen boys. Who really looked like they were plucked off the farm. They run into the Creeper and he is pissed and but he always loves the boys. He kills some and chases the girl with the my little pony and a freckle faced boy for a while. Then the Creeper Hunters have some long dialogue here and there. Some shit blows up and it looks like bad Photoshop. In the end there are some surprises and you are surprised, sort of, but “Final Destination 5” did it better.

Okay so first off I do like “The Creeper” monster he is fun and you like seeing him again. His makeup looks cool and he is the best part. Everything just feels like forced filler around his ass. It’s like you love the first movie because it was scary and fun, the second movie was a great idea. A bus breaks down with a bus load of teens on a back road. Amazing. This time it’s basically two old Creeper hunters running around in the daylight looking for the Creeper with bad special effects. I get it, it was lowwwwwww budget this time. I should be thankful it was made I guess. I mean shit they should have cut some of those actors out and spent money on the effects bitch. Honestly we just wanted to see Trish back in the whole movie. The real problem is they wrote themselves in a hole. The Creeper can only be seen for 23 days every 23 years. So ya know, you got films that can only take place for 23 days in 2001 (the first film) or 23 years in the future. I wish they would make Trish in the future fighting him with a jet pack on and lasers or some shit. Anyway it’s fun to watch because you love the Creeper but you will not love this movie. You will be bored with the cop and the creeper hunters and their over dramatic bullshit. You will be bored with My Little Pony girl and freckle face country boy. Meg Foster looks like a witch all the time now since “The Lords of Salem“. She was still great in “They Live“. You really just wait for the Creeper to show back up and that’s it. They didn’t even play the Jeepers Creepers Peepers song. WTF! Not enough coins for effects or songs I guess. If you want to see it in the theater you blew it. It was only playing for one night and for one time. I can see why. Wait for Blu Ray or On Demand. Watch part 1 and 2 and look for all the gay undertones. That will be more fun.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Jonathan Breck played The Creeper in all 3 movies. He is good as this bitch. 

B. Victor Salva directed all 3 and has a fucked up past. Look it up. 

C. They all looked like real country boys not actors or models. Just dudes down the street throwing hay across your ass.

D. Here is the order of all the films.

  • 1978: Intro/Flashback from Jeepers Creepers 3.
  • 2001: Jeepers Creepers (Days 1-2)
  • 2001: Jeepers Creepers 3 (Days 2-5)
  • 2001: Jeepers Creepers 2 (Days 5-6)
  • Unknown Future: Trish (Gina Davis) Outro from Jeepers Creepers 3
  • 2024: Jeepers Creepers 2 final scene.

E. Gina Philips was in the first one as Trish. The fans want her back. 

F. Meg Foster plays Gaylen Brandon, the mom of The Creeper’s victims in 1978. His name is Kenny Brandon. When Darry (Justin Long) and Trish (Gina Phillips) are driving down a Florida highway before being attacked by The Creeper they discuss the urban legend of Darla and Kenny, kids who got killed on Prom Night back in 1978. Darry found Kenny’s body in The Creepers hang out below the church.

G. Stan Shaw and Brandon Smith (He was in the first Jeepers) were the Creeper Hunters and they chewed up most of the films time and bored me. There characters were boring, forced, and over dramatic. 

H. Where the fuck was the Jeepers Creepers song? No budget for it I guess.

I. Bennett Salvay composed the score for the first 2 movies which were great. The composer for this movie was Andrew Morgan Smith (Trailer Park Shark) it was not good.

I. This poster is nice.