“Kingsman: The Golden Circle” or “Kingsmess: Golden Character Collision of Alcoholism” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Kingsman: The Golden Circle“. Okay I loved  the first “Kingsman: The Secret Service” so I was excited to see this movie. Here is a link to my first review https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/03/06/kingsman-the-secret-service-or-a-chav-james-bond-my-fuckin-review/

Okay so this movie starts off and Eggsy (Taron Egerton) is a full-blown spy now with a girlfriend (The princess at the end of the first movie). He is doing cartwheels and hanging from cars and shit. This time there is a group of bad guys called The Golden Circle ran by Julianne Moore that want to legalize drugs by killing people with drugs. What nowwww? Anyway the Kingsman have to get help from The Statesman, who are American spies that make whisky. Now they are teamed up with Channing Tatum and Halle Berry and a lot of Booze. Then Elton John shows up for comic relief over and over again, and Eggsy has to finger some girl and cheat on his future wife so that he can save the world. Yes, this is real. It’s a lot. In the end robot dogs show up, more Elton John and more booze. 

Okay so like I said I dug the first movie but this movie feels all over the place and there is a room full of stars that have nowhere to go. They are just standing around and bumping into each other with bad lines. Eggsy’s princess girlfriend should have been deleted. It’s just dumb and irritating. We get it people get married to dumb people. Then he fingers that girl and she is mad for an hour and then the wedding is still on. Like it really doesn’t matter? Huh? They even cut to Eggsy’s finger going inside the girl’s vagina in the movie. Ummmm What the fuck Haha.

I also honestly don’t know if they were pro drugs or anti drugs by the end of the film. Who the hell knows. I do know they were pro alcohol. There was booze everywhere. Tables, buildings, belt buckles, etc were designed after whisky products. Everything and everyone was drinking up Johnny. If you are a frat boy you will love this movie. Start a drinking game. Drink every time they drink or you see alcohol shit in it. I promise you will be dead or in the hospital 15 minutes into the movie. Meanwhile Elton John shows up for cameo joke. Then you are like okay whatever that’s cute. Then 10 times later I am like seriously. This shit ain’t funny. Also his dialogue was “fuck you” (sounds like my films, fuck you too). We get it you’re a bitch I guess, that somehow can fight like you are in the Matrix. Gross. Anyway yes I was disappointed in this movie and the more I think about it the more I dislike it. It was like a disorganized spy movie made by an 18-year-old frat boy who was drunk. So skip or wait for Netflix.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I do think Taron Egerton is cool in stuff. In this one he doesn’t seem as at ease as the first one, but whatever.

B. If you are an alcoholic skip this movie. It is a non-stop booze ad. Honestly weirdly a lot.

Drink it up at Comic Con.

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-comic-con-2017-watch-halle-berry-kingsman-1500580488-htmlstory.html

They are going to release the Bourbon from the film too.

http://screencrush.com/kingsman-golden-circle-bourbon-featurette/

C. Julianne Moore even felt out-of-place in this movie. 

D. The whole character of Eggy’s character (Hanna Alström) should have been deleted. It was a waste of time. Kill her. 

E. Don’t tell me I have to sit through Elton John cursing people out every five minutes then having him flying through the fucking air in fight scenes and winking at the camera. If this interests you, then this is the movie for you. I wanted to walk out.

F. Channing Tatum aka Tequila was a waste of time too. He should have been in it more. He was wasted. There was a shot of him on the table and his bulge was huge I don’t know if this was real or supposed to be a joke?

G. Stars, Stars everywhere and plenty of booze to drink. 

The Best Fuckin Films of 2015 You Stupid Ass!

Okay 2015 was a pretty good year in film, but here is the top 10 movies I enjoyed the most. Which means I will own them and watch them again and again. I loved them for different reasons so I attached my reviews underneath each one. You can click them to read them. If you haven’t seen any of these go rent them or whatever. Remember this is not your top 10, it’s mine bitch. Also this list may change over time because it’s impossible to see every fuckin movie in 2015. So I have missed some movies in 2015, when I run into more in the future this shit could change. The Top 10 probably not though.

Our film is clearly the best film of the year, but I can’t vote for myself.

Satanic Panic 2: Battle of the Bands is fun, musical, and fuckin hilarious.

Watch here!

Add us on Facebook here so you can find out where to see this amazing film.

https://www.facebook.com/satanicpanic666

Also the film I co-wrote with Jonny Rej became available to watch online. Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse

Watch it here:

HERE IS THE LIST and links to my reviews are under each film.

1. “Mad Max: Fury Road – The best movie of the year. It had everything. Amazing characters, score, story, acting, setting, and cohesion. Honestly it surprised me and it’s the best of 2015.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/05/25/mad-max-fury-road-or-mad-max-what-the-fuck-just-happened-yes-my-fuckin-review/

2. “It Follows– This is best horror movie in years. The characters are amazing and the score is mind-blowing!

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/04/13/it-follows-or-you-better-fuck-and-run-my-fuckin-review/

3.  “Tangerine– The most real shit I have seen about Christmas I have seen ever.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/08/03/tangerine-or-amazing-hookers-on-christmas-eve-my-fucking-review/

4. “Krampus– YES! I love horror and Christmas mixed together. This is movie fun and is a new holiday classic.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/12/09/krampus-or-a-merry-horror-heart-warming-christmas-my-fuckin-review/

5.“Straight Outta Compton– The music and the acting are the best, but seeing their story for the first time laid out was the most interesting story this year.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/09/02/straight-outta-compton-or-the-streets-are-rough-but-they-do-have-a-great-beat-to-dance-to-my-fuck-review/

6. “The Hateful Eight– Characters are the most important part of any film. These characters are fun, horrible and interesting. It’s like John Carpenter’s The Thing all over again. I loved it.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2016/01/08/the-hateful-eight-or-quentin-tarantinos-the-thing-my-fuckin-review/

7. “Star Wars: The Force Awakens– Fun, exciting and cool characters. It was the year of Star Wars. Again.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/12/26/star-wars-the-force-awakens-or-spoiler-alert-it-was-a-blast-you-wookie-bitch-my-fuckin-review/

8. “Creed– They deserve Oscars. This story is sad an emotional and everyone in this movie sells the shit out of it.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/12/07/creed-or-rocky-7-and-still-great-my-fuckin-review/

9. “Kingsman: The Secret Service– I was surprised at how much I loved this movie. It was a lot of fun and violent as hell.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/03/06/kingsman-the-secret-service-or-a-chav-james-bond-my-fuckin-review/

10.  “Goodnight Mommy– A creepy and moody film that will stick with you.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/12/16/goodnight-mommy-or-dont-mistreat-your-twins-or-they-will-mistreat-your-ass-my-fuckin-review/

 

BONUS: Movies that were fun to watch and were runners up to my top 10 list.

1.“The Visit– I love a good creepy ass tale with pervy shit mixed in and an Unsolved Mysteries feel. I love the ending too.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/09/11/the-visit-or-old-folks-are-creepy-as-fuck-my-fuckin-review/

2 . “The Nightmare– It’s real and it’s scary!

3 .  “Me and Earl and the Dying Girl– Sad but real, and not cheesy or fake.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2016/01/12/me-earl-and-the-dead-girl-or-real-teens-hanging-out-and-dealing-with-death-my-fuckin-review/

4. The Revenant– A sad revenge tale about father and son.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2016/01/15/the-revenant-or-watch-leo-suffer-for-2-12-hours-my-fuckin-review/

5. Unfriended– Based on a true story about me unfriending people or a ghost comes back from hell to take revenge on her asshole friends via Facebook and the internet. Yes, this would hit me where it hurts.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2016/02/18/unfriended-or-dont-film-your-friends-passed-out-and-shitting-themselves-or-you-will-die-my-fuckin-review/

6. “Chappie– A ghetto Short Circuit. I am in.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/03/13/chappie-or-the-band-die-antwoord-raises-a-robot-my-fuckin-review/

7. “The Danish Girl– The movie is based on a novel, which is a fictionalized account of the life of Einar Wegener/Lili Elbe. It’s a story about the first person to undergo sex reassignment surgery. I love that it’s about fighting to be yourself no matter who that is and the outcome.

8.“The Final Girls– A fun take on the slasher horror genre with heart.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/11/18/final-girls-or-for-the-love-of-slasher-movies-my-fuckin-review/

9.”The Wolfpack“- It’s a documentary about these brothers nicknamed the wolfpack. They were basically locked up their whole lives in an apartment on lower East Side of Manhattan. Living out their lives through movies.

10. “Insidious: Chapter 3– I jumped twice and that is a lot for me. I love all these Insidious movies.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2015/06/05/insidious-chapter-3-or-you-got-that-swamp-foot-demon-in-your-crib-my-fuckin-review/

 

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