“Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” or “I LOVE THESE MONKEYS BITCH” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes“. This is the sequel to “Rise of the Planet of the Apes“. Also you don’t have to see the older “Planet of the Apes” movies to get these new ones. They are great but “Rise of” was a reboot. So watch that one and then this one. Okay so the movie takes place like 10 years after part 1. Humanity is fuckin apocalyptic shit hole and the monkeys have been living in the woods in peace while humanity fell apart. Caesar is their leader now and he is married with kids. Maurice is the school teacher and Koba is like the security. Everyone is happy as shit until the humans show up with guns and their bullshit ass problems. Humans love power and need the power coming from a nearby dam. The monkeys are like “Ummmmmm beat it creeps” but Caesar lived with James Franco in part 1 and says they aint all bad.  Koba hates humans and is like “FUCK THIS SHIT”. Everyone then goes ape shit and the battle is on. Monkeys with machine guns on horses, humans with bazookas, and everyone dying left and right. This movie is fucked up and sad. In the end you can’t wait for a part 3. Okay so I love this movie a lot. They focus on the apes so much in this movie and that is amazing and what we paid to see. If I go to the zoo I don’t want to talk the fuckin caretakers for 2 hours, take me to the monkeys bitch! The emotions that the apes show each other and to the humans is amazing and Caesar and Kobo show more emotion in this movie than all the human performances I have seen this year. That’s right this CGI looks and feels real and they act better than most of Hollywood out together bitch. It really is shot well and looks real. Apes with guns is crazy and I love the message about the only thing Kobo learned from humans was hate so that it was he spreads. Caesar learned love and understanding from James Franco (they gave a shout out to him and said he was good man. TRUE) so that is what he spreads. The apes use a lot of sign language in this movie and I think that is incredible. You don’t always need words to speak bitch. The score was amazing and I put a sample below for that ass. Everything Maurice said I agreed with and I would marry him. So if you love Planet of the Apes, amazing acting, believable characters, action, a point, a message, realistic CGI, and monkeys talking then go see this movie ASAP. I will be seeing this movie in the theatre again and buying it on Blu Ray. I also want the toys! I wish they cursed more “Eat ape shit bitch”.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Matt Reeves directed this movie (Let Me InCloverfieldFelicity). He did a great job and I love “Let Me In” also.

B. Caesar (Andy Serkis) is amazing in this movie and I could watch him all day. You forget he is CGI after 2 seconds.1911084_10152340067139819_1380826373075723708_o

C. I love Keri Russell in anything. Even if I see her in Walmart.

D. Koba (Toby Kebbell) should get an Academy Fuckin Award.

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E. Watch two real chimps go and watch the movie and love it too. I would be afraid they had Ebola though.

http://bloody-disgusting.com/news/3303025/two-chimps-watched-dawn-planet-apes-theaters-cutest-thing-ever/

F. Kodi Smit-McPhee was the boy in “Let Me In” and “ParaNorman“. In this movie he can draw.

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G. Michael Giacchino is an amazing composer. There is even a hint of  Jerry Goldsmith (Planet of the Apes) in this new score.

H. Maurice is my hero and favorite monkey! He looks real as fuck. Also his movement is tight.

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I. Rocket is a good dad. Monkey see, monkey do.

J. There was a big gorilla that didn’t have a name. I think her name was “Becky” though.

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K. Judy Greer plays Cornelia. They could have given Caesar a prettier wife monkey. Judy is hot this monkey is not.

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L. I can’t wait for the third. These movies are so much fun to watch. I hope the next one has a better title though. These first 2 titles are long and confusing. They should call the 3rd one “Monkey War” or “Monkey Hustle” or “Monkey Party”.

M. The Toys I want.

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N. Here are the actors that play the apes acting in a scene. This is amazing and what makes it seem real. Other CGI movies need to copy this film on how to make CGI characters believable and real.

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O. Gary Oldman had the best line in the movie, “are you fucking kidding me”.

P. In the film when the power comes back on at a gas station they played “The Weight” by The Band. But they should have played TLC’s “Waterfalls” not some tired 60’s jam nobody wants to hear not even those monkeys. Or maybe “No Scrubs”.

Q. Jason Clarke who plays Malcolm will also be playing John Connor in the new Terminator: Genesis movie.

R. Monkey Poll

S. This Poster is amazing.

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Ape Shit!

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“Tammy” or “Poor Tammy” my fuckin review.

Here is my review for “Tammy“. Okay Tammy starts off with Tammy trying to get to work but her car is a piece of shit and she hits a deer. Then heads to work and gets fired. Then her car breaks down. Then her husband cheats on her with Toni Collette. Then she says fuck it and decides to leave town with her grandma Susan Sarandon. She goes on a sad adventure with her Grandmother and rides a jet ski and robs stores and shit. They eventually hang out with her Grandmothers lesbian cousin Kathy Bates. In the end Tammy fixes her hair a little and gets a better shirt. Okay so this movie was cute and funny at times, but not hilarious. I felt sorry for Tammy more than I laughed cuz her life was shit. It did have some funny parts and Kathy Bates was cool. I would wait for Netflix and you will enjoy it more. I do hope they make more Tammy movies. Like “Tammy goes to Africa” and “Tammy in Space”. So if you love Melissa McCarthy, the name Tammy, Chunky white women, Jet skis, and Lesbian Kathy Bates then you will have fun watching this movie. You will not love it, but you will laugh here and there. I can’t wait to see the outtakes, I bet their funny as hell.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Melissa McCarthy is funny as hell, but not that funny in this movie.

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B. Susan Sarandon plays Tammy’s grandmother. Her ankles were swollen though.

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C. Here is Melissa talking about doing the Jet Ski scene.

D. I could watch her on a jet ski for hours.

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E. The name Tammy is funny to me. It’s like Toby.

F. Kathy Bates is great as a lesbian. She is always wise in movies and shit.

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G. Ben Falcone is the Director and plays her manager Keith Morgan in the movie.  He and Melissa are also married.

H. HAHA this poster.

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“Earth to Echo” or “Earth to Goonies, Explorers, E.T. and other 80’s Kids Movies” My fuckin review

My review for “Earth to Echo“. This story is about 3 best friends on their last night together right before they move away from each other. Alex (Teo Halm) the foster kid who hates being left behind. Tuck (Astro) is the boy filming (found footage film) it all and does the narration for the film. The last is Munch (Reese Hartwig) who is tech smart and the weird one. They all head out to follow some map that has shown up on their iPhones. There they find a little robot alien named Echo and they have to help him get pieces back to his ship, so he can get the fuck up off this backwards ass planet. Along the way they meet a girl and the government is after them also. They even steal some cars and say “Balls”. In the end we learn that friendship is universal. Okay so I liked this movie. Yes, its PG but it’s magical as fuck and the kids seem like real life kids. They are smart ass and just smart about things too. It reminds me of the kids movies in the 1980’s. The kids in those movies were smart and funny and you wanted to be their best friends when you were little. It really is like a bunch of 1980’s movies smashed together. Which is a good thing.There is even a little bit of a horror element in that shit too. You should take yourself or your kids to see this shit. So if you love aliens, robots, kids stealing cars, 80’s movies, and an honest ending then go see this movie. It was a lot of fun to watch and the kids in the theatre were clapping and shit. You will not love it, but you will have fun watching it. It will make you miss all those kid adventure movies you loved as a kid and as an adult.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Echo was cute as shit. It reminded me of the Alien robot things from “*batteries not included“. It did beep a lot. Shut the Fuck Up sometimes Echo.

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ECHO

Wheems

From the movie “Batteries Not Included”

B. Dave Green directed this movie and also directed Dial M for MurderZombie Roadkill.

C. This kids look pretty normal, ya know, like real kids would be.

Earth To Echo

D. The movie was really about friendship and what it means for kids today.

E. Other magical movies like this one. ExplorersThe GooniesShort CircuitE.T. the Extra-TerrestrialGremlins,*batteries not includedThe Last Starfighter, and Innerspace.

F. Here is the entire cast in the movie and then in real life at the premiere. Will they be big stars one day? Fuck who knows bitch.

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G. I’m glad the main kid that was filming and doing the narration was the character Tuck. There should be more African-American actors playing the main characters in kids movies and adult movies too. Not just some sidekick role. Let that whitey be the sidekick for a change.

H. Echo the Dolphin is not in this movie. Sorry. :(

I. Cute

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“Transformers: Age of Extinction” or “Michael Bay Is The Worst Director On Earth” – My fuckin review

Here is my review for “Transformers: Age of Extinction“. Okay this is the 4th Michael Bay Transformers movie. The film starts off in America, and its amber waves of grain. Mark Wahlberg and his shitty bunch live in Texas. He loves his daughter, who shows off her ass a lot, and that is about it. Wahlberg is an inventor (they say this shit repeatedly for some reason) and is poor (They say this a lot too). Cut to more heartland of America shots. Wahlberg eventually finds a dead Optimus Prime inside a movie theatre. What nowwww? I think he was killed by humans after the 3rd movie. Then the daughter says “daddddd”. Wahlberg brings Optimus back to life and then helps him escape from the Government, not to be confused with America’s amber waves. The Government is evil in this movie and Bay makes them look like terrorists in the entire movie. America good, Government bad. You figure out this shitty message. Cut to more headland of America shots and Daughter saying “Dadddd” again. They join up with another dumb ass character who is the daughter’s secret boyfriend. The rest of the film is Wahlberg and the boyfriend arguing over who loves his stupid ass daughter more. I am serious. They both talk about how hot she is. Yes, the dad too. Also it’s 2 hours and 45 minutes long. SOOOOO you hate them all by the end of the movie. Now the daughter yells for her boyfriend. Later this rich guy shows up. He makes technology and computers and shit  and has figured out how to make a Transformer. They are made out of Transformium. Yes, say that word again. It is the stupidest shit I have heard this year. Did anyone write this movie at all? Cut to more Heartland of America footage. There is a bounty hunter transformer named Lock Down that is after Optimus, and has made a deal with the humans to find him. I am not sure why he made a deal with humans, when he has all these soliders and big ass ship. Cut to daughters ass. Now Galvatron shows up, he was made by humans, and doesn’t transform. He falls apart and reassembles into a truck. Later they all go to Hong Kong but I am not sure I can remember why. At this point it feels like I have been watching this movie for 4 hours and I’m dizzy and my head hurts from watching a Michael Bay movie in 3D IMAX. While in Hong Kong we learn that all Asians know Kung-Fu, even random dudes in elevators. The Dinobots show up and tear the club (city) up and raise hell. In the end Optimus literally flies off into space like Superman. HAHA WHAT?????? This movie is a fuckin shit mess. The dialogue sounds like nobody wrote it all. The score is horrible. The acting is a nightmare. The characters are forgettable. The story doesn’t make sense at all. It’s sexist and racist. Watching a Michael Bay movie in the IMAX 3d is like being date raped while having a seizure. Honestly, it’s depressing and sad that nobody even tries to make these movies make sense and to make them memorable Sci-Fi films. It really is just fucking trash. I love the idea and concept behind The Transformers and it saddens me to think I can NOT recommend these movies to anyone ever. Yes, the Transformers look cool in theses movies and this time they have more human like faces, which I liked. The Autobots do talk more in this movie, which I like. What they are saying is stupid as shit though. I bet the Transformers ride at Universal Studios makes more sense. These movies make millions and that’s okay, because people love the Transformers. Michael Bay thinks they spend millions because it’s his movie. That the name “Michael Bay” brings people into the seats. The only reason we are there is for The Transformers you douchey BITCH. A handicapped cat could direct the next movie and people would pay to see it. It’s like he doesn’t give a shit about his films or his audience. We are just dumb and who cares what we think or want in a movie. FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY. It don’t matter how much money you have or don’t have because you are fuckin trash can. That is not even good enough to throw my trash into. You are an out of touch old white dude who thinks being sexist, racist and having silly dialogue is cool. It’s not, you are not. You are a disgrace to the film industry. So if you want to see Optimus Prime transform then this movie is for you. That is the only fuckin thing worth while that you will get out of this long and silly movie. I will not be buying this shit.

 The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Michael Bay’s films are sexist and racist. Insert teen girls ass, and all Asians know kung-fu in his movie.

B. Mark Wahlberg was an annoying dad the entire film. I hate his character. This should have been him in the movie. Also an Inventor????? WHO THE FUCK SAYS THEY ARE AN INVENTOR? Have you ever met someone who said they were an inventor? If someone told me they were an inventor I would laugh in their goddamn pretentious ass face!

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C. This film is insulting to anyone who is not a white boring American.

D. Stanley Tucci was irritating as the Steve Jobs type character. His jokes were silly and forced. No not for kids just fuckin stupid. Go watch the LEGO MOVIE. Those are about fuckin talking plastic bricks and that dialogue is fuckin amazing.  I hate his character.

E. I love the whole concept of the Transformers. The Transformers looks cool in this movie but the story, the acting, the characters, the score, the message, etc. is all shit. Stepped on shit.

F. Optimus is angry the entire movie because he is an illegal alien and he hates humans now.

G. Nicola Peltz plays a dumb white girl, who contributed nothing except for her ass and pointless dialogue about her boyfriend and father.  I hate her character.

This is literally a poster you can fucking buy to hang on your wall. If I just saw this poster I would think it was about a stupid American girl. Here is an article about how to tell if you are a women in a Michael Bay film. All true.

http://www.vulture.com/2014/06/how-to-tell-youre-a-woman-in-a-michael-bay-film.html

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Dumb Girl in America- The Movie

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Her face the entire film

H. Ehren Kruger wrote this movie. Also Transformers: Dark of the MoonTransformers: Revenge of the FallenThe Ring TwoThe Brothers Grimm. His dialogue is literally insulting, silly and pointless. 

I. Jack Reynor was the boyfriend who could drive cars. In a movie where cars drive themselves what fuckin good are you bitch?  I hate his character. At one point he argues that is was not rape to date a 17-year-old. He is 20 years old in the film. There is some “Romeo and Juliet” law that says they can date and it’s not rape. UMMMMMMMM They literally took the time in Transformers movie to tell you how someone older can have sex with someone younger and not go to fuckin jail. WHAT THE FUCK! They even show a close up of the card for it. Are you serious????????

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J. Haha WHAT THE FUCK. TRANSFORM-IUM????????? Are you serious you fuckin bitch!

K. Titus Welliver plays a typical bad guy with a trench coat and glasses. He also loves America. I hate his character.

L. Imagine Dragons songs are in this movie. It sounds like something an old white man that can’t get passed the 1980’s would love to listen to. Also the score is horrible by Steve Jablonsky.

M. I like Lockdown. I think.

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His face turned into a gun which might be stupid.

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N. The Dinobots are in this movie and were fun but only in it briefly. I wish they were painted this way in the movie so we could tell which one was which.

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O. You think as a director you would learn from your mistakes. Bay has learned nothing. He has made 4 movies and keeps doing the same thing wrong in each of them. He doesn’t learn because he thinks he is gods gift to the planet. He is not. I would piss on your grave bitch.

P. All Asians do not know Karate or Kung-Fu.

Q.  This had nothing to do with childhoods ruined. It’s bad filmmaking. Period.

R. This half an episode from the old cartoon makes more sense than this entire live action movie. You fucked up and failed Ehren Kruger.

S. I wonder if Bumblebee misses his best friend Shia from the other 3 films. I think we were too hard on Shia in these movies. He was better than Marky Mark.

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T. I know that these movies help get more Transformer toys and cartoons made, but I feel like it’s blood money. Mother fuckin Blood Diamond. We have to die slowly watching these movies just to go out and buy a 30 anniversary transformer toy. Unicron help us!

U. One good thing is that Frank Welker does the voice for Galvatron. He did the voice of Megatron in the old cartoon. His voice is amazing. Also Peter Cullen as Prime is still amazing.

V. Don’t believe me go look at it on Rotten Tomatoes

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/transformers_age_of_extinction/

W. I literally got a headache during it and had it for 3 days after. I am serious. I think that the constant camera moving and 3D with loud ass noises fucked me up. Bay is fuckin killing us.

X. If you love his movies, I’m not interested in your opinion or reason why. I don’t care, just like you don’t care about my opinion.

Y. At one point Prime says get me to the Autobots THEY can fix me, but on the way there he scans a fancy truck and heals himself? Did anyone read the script first, middle or last? FUCK YOU!

Z. My favorite director John Carpenter posted this Tweet about it.

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AA. A Malaysian animator by the name of Harris Loureiro has animated an amazing stop-motion battle between Laser Optimus Prime and Devastator that looks better and is more exciting than Bay’s movie.

BB. Here Bay talks about the irrelevance of having female Transformers and that he killed the one that was put in the film off and it doesn’t matter, because he hates female Transformers and is sexist towards women. There is vagina like alien in the new movie that they horrified by and call a bitch and blow it up. No, it ain’t just me saying this look it up asshole.

http://www.mtv.com/news/1608508/michael-bay-reveals-transformers-revenge-of-the-fallen-death/

CC. Optimus and 3 dumb characters.

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“22 Jumpstreet” or “Channing And Jonah Are Best Friends With Guns” my fuckin review

My review for “22 Jump Street“. Okay so I loved the first “21 Jump Street” and was excited about this one. I usually don’t like Bro-Comedies either. Okay so Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are back as whatever their names are in the movie, and out to solve crimes but in College this time. There is a new drug on campus and it’s killing students. Now they have to blend in to find the bad guys. Along the way their friendship is tested and even end up on Spring Break. In the end they save the day. Okay so I liked this movie and it was a lot of fun. I love their friendship and how that shit seems real. It’s like 2 best friends hanging out for an hour and half. I think both those fuckers are funny as hell to watch and I would hang out with them any day. Ice Cube is amazing in this and so is Jillian Bell. She was a funny ass character and made my ass laugh every time she was on screen. Both these films really are a lot of fun and you should check it out. So if you love Jonah, Channing, Smart Ass humor, Ice Cube, Spring Break, Dick jokes, real dialogue about jealous friends, The Lucas Brothers, and poking fun at TV shows then you will love this movie. Go see it, you will laugh bitch. I will buy this shit on blu ray!

 The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Jillian Bell from “Eastbound & Down” and “Workaholics” was amazing in this movie.

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B. People that are on spring break are always fun to watch.

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C. The Lucas Brothers are funny as shit.

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D. Ice Cube is angry gold.

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E. I filmed this when I was little and it was a loose rip off of the TV show “21 Jump Street“.  It’s called “Atlanta 5-0 Teenbeat”. It’s bootleg as fuck.

F. Diplo plays the spring break DJ. Here is the jam.

G. Phil Lord and Christopher Miller directed this movie. They directed “The Lego Movie” which was amazing. Here they are talking about the film. 

H. Look at their shit. It’s real and with no dude hang ups either.

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I. This poster is cute. I dig it.


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My Favorite Movies Every Year From 1930 to 2014!

Here is a list of my favorite movies from 1930 to 2014. These are movies that I love and I feel like are the best that year had to offer. Some years have more than one selection, because I love them equally and couldn’t decide. It’s interesting to see what years had the best movies (in my opinion). I am curious what others say theirs are and when.

THE 30’s

1930 Little Rascals: Best of Our Gang – They had a bunch of shit that funny as hell.

1931 Frankenstein

1932 White Zombie

1933 The Invisible Man

1934 Bright Eyes

1935 The Bride of Frankenstein

1936 Reefer Madness

1937 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

1938 A Christmas Carol

1939 The Wizard of Oz

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THE 40’s

1940 Pinocchio

1941 The Wolf Man

1942 Bambi

1943 Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man

1944 Lifeboat

1945 House of Dracula

1946 It’s a Wonderful Life

1947 Miracle on 34th Street

1948 Bud Abbott Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein

1949 The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

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THE 50’s

1950 Cinderella

1951 The Day the Earth Stood Still

1952 Singin’ in the Rain

1953 The War of the Worlds

1954 Creature from the Black Lagoon

1955 Rebel Without a Cause

1956 Invasion of the Body Snatchers

1957 Old Yeller

1958 Vertigo

1959 Sleeping Beauty

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THE 60’s

1960 Psycho

1961 West Side Story

1962 The Miracle Worker

1963 The Birds

1964 Mary Poppins

1965 Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

1966 Batman: The Movie

1967 The Jungle Book

1968 Planet of the Apes, and Oliver!

1969 Godzilla’s Revenge

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THE 70’s

1970 Airport

1971 – Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

1972- Pink Flamingos

1973 The ExorcistRobin Hood

1974 The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, and Female Trouble

1975 Jaws, and Escape to Witch Mountain

1976 Assault on Precinct 13, and Carrie

1977 Star Wars, and Close Encounters of the Third Kind

1978 Halloween, and Watership Down, and Superman, and Grease,  and The Wiz. This was a good year!

1979 Alien

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THE 80’s

1980 The Fog, and The Shining, and Friday the 13th, and Superman II, and Nine to Five, and Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back.

1981 Escape from New York, and Halloween II,  and Mommie Dearest.

1982 Poltergeist, and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, and The Thing, and Halloween III: Season of the Witch.

1983 Christine, and  Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi, and Octopussy, and Twilight Zone: The Movie, and Something Wicked This Way Comes.

1984 The Terminator, and Purple Rain,  and A Nightmare on Elm Street.

1985 The Return of the Living Dead, and The Color Purple, and Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, and The Goonies, and The Legend of Billie Jean.

1986 Aliens,  and The Transformers: The Movie, and Big Trouble in Little China.

1987 Hellraiser, and RoboCop, and Predator, and Prince of Darkness.

1988 Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, and A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, and Beetlejuice

1989 Batman, and The Abyss.

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THE 90’s

1990 Night of the Living Dead Remake, and Total Recall

1991Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and The Silence of the Lambs.

1992 Basic Instinct

1993 Jurassic Park

1994 True Lies

1995 Village of the Damned, and Mortal Kombat, and Showgirls. You may think these are trash, but I love all 3 of these films and have watched them so many times.

1996 Scream

1997 Titanic

1998 Blade

1999 The Matrix,  and The Blair Witch Project.

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THE 2000’s

2000 Battle Royale

2001 Donnie Darko, and The Royal Tenenbaums.

2002 The Ring

2003 Kill Bill: Vol. 1,  and House of 1000 Corpses.

2004 The Grudge

2005 The Descent, and Batman Begins.

2006 All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

2007 Trick ‘r Treat, and GrindhousePlanet Terror and Death Proof  and Funny Games.

2008 The Dark Knight

2009 Avatar

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THE 2010’s

2010 Insidious, and TRON: Legacy, and Machete.

2011 Drive

2012 The Cabin in the Woods, and The Dark Knight Rises,  and Spring Breakers, and Cloud Atlas, and Chronicle. This year was great.

2013 The Conjuring, and This Is the End.

2014 The Lego Movie, and Godzilla so far!

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“Maleficent” or “Masyphilis” or “Dead Men Don’t Rape”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Maleficent“. This is not your mother’s Sleeping Beauty. Okay the movie starts of in a fairyland down the road from a big ass castle. A little demon girl known as Maleficent is flying around and happy and shit in fairyland. She eventually runs into a boy human and they start dating and chilling, even though he was caught stealing. Cut to years later, to a grown up Jolie Maleficent and the boy thief who is now a man. He has beens busy lately with work at the castle, but one night they are chilling and he drugs her then cuts off her wings (rape for fairies) so that he can be king in human land. Later Maleficent awakens and is pissed off and waits until he has his baby’s 1st birthday party. She didn’t get invited. I would be pissed too. She shows up and throw shade and a curse on Sleeping Beuaty.For some reason will take 16 years to pop off. UMMMM I would have shut that whole kingdom down that day. Fuck em. Now these 3 creepy as fuck versions of Hocus Pocus take Sleeping Beauty to raise in the woods. These 3 fairies are dumb as shit, and so Maleficent has to step in secretly to raise a bitch from the sidelines. PS Sleeping Beauty (Elle Fanning) is all bubbles and giggles and is a ding-dong. I would have written her the same way though so I am okay with it. Later shit hits the fan and Maleficent has to shut that rapists kingdom down. Okay so yeah I liked this movie and I was surprised about the twists and turns in it. It was definitely updated to make sense in 2014. Angelina Jolie is great as Maleficent and you buy what she is selling. She got that weird ass Lady Gaga makeup on and elf ears too. I’m not sure if I have liked another movie she has been in. The ending was great and you finally see what “True Love” really means. It really feels like a rape/revenge story which was interested and fucked up. I really like the overall message of the film too. So if you love Maleficent, Sleeping Beauty, crows, Angelina, magic, horns, dragons, demon wings, and getting drugged then this is the movie for you and your kids. I dug it and would see it again. Take your kids maybe they will learn that true love is not about a boyfriend or girlfriend all the time. It can mean many things in this world.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Malefi-a-hoes for this Halloween.Vile-Villains---Maleficent

B. Marlinda Phillips as Maleficent.

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C. Fuck rapists. I would have destroyed the entire kingdom.

D. I love green smoke and or fog.

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E. Little Maleficent with her future rapist. She looks like a demon I would run from her.

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F. I you rape me and then don’t invite me to your party. I will fucking level your city.

G. She was all giggles. Pretty and dingy.

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H. The 3 fairies scared the shit out of me. Fuck them.

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I. Prince Phillip was not good enough for Sleeping Beauty. She was like whatever to him.

J. They should have literally just recast Hocus Pocus as the 3 fairies.

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K. I really do love that Maleficent is good guy and a bad guy. How she overcame her hate and learned to love again. It makes for a more interesting character that an audience can relate to.

L. I love this Apple products approach.

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