“Guardians of the Galaxy” or “Firefly/ Star Wars/ A Fun Ride”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Guardians of the Galaxy“. Okay so I nothing about the comic book version of this film, or the characters. So I went in blind. The movie stars off with a little boy Peter Quill in the 80’s where his mother is dying of cancer and he is sad as shit. He runs outside and gets beamed up by aliens. Cut to years later and he is a grown up thief in space and stealing shit. He is still a good guy and is just trying to get paid and laid. He eventually he meets up with a raccoon named Rocket (Bradley Cooper), a talking tree named Groot (Vin Diesel) and a green girl named Gamora (Zoe Saldana) and then they all go to jail. Meanwhile this big bad space bitch called Thanos is after them. In space jail they met a prisoner named Drax (Dave Bautista) and they form the Guardians of the Galaxy. Now they are popping off and there are shoot outs, lasers, space battles, love, tears, and music. It’s action packed but in a fun smart ass way. Theses characters seem like real people, and people you would want to get turnt up with. The soundtrack is amazing and all the songs they chose were a perfect fit. This movie is over-the-top, but that is what makes it fun and exciting. It’s not sad ass gritty super heroes sitting around staring all day. It’s heroes who fuck up, laugh, cry and are witty as shit. The Director James Gunn did a great job with this film and I hope he does more of them. Honestly it was a fuckin blast to watch and I want to see it again. You should go out and see this shit in IMAX 3D. It’s worth it. I really do think it’s Marvel’s best movie and remember I knew nothing about this shit when I went in to see it. It was all fresh and fun. So if you love action, laughs, space battles, lasers, memorable characters, great mix tapes, Firefly, and Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope then go see this movie ASAP.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. James Gunn directed this film. He also directed  Slither and Super. He wrote Tromeo and JulietScooby-Doo- the movie,  Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed- the movie, and Dawn of the Dead- 2004.

B. The soundtrack was great (not to be confused with the score by Tyler Bates, that was a little generic and forgettable). The soundtrack was like another character in the film. It was that relevant.  The played all these jams loud and proud and not quietly in the background. You really heard them and they were part of the film and not just thrown in. Characters even talk about the mix tape and the music that is on it and even dance to it. I love the Awesome Mix Vol. 1. I hope there is a Vol. 2.

Screen Shot 2014-08-04 at 4.04.13 PM

You can buy it on iTunes.


C. Chris Pratt was Peter Quill in this movie and you will dig him on all levels. He is funny and goofy and everyone will fall in love with him. Girls, Guys, Gurlsss, Bros and even Lesbians.



He dances too and any hero who finds time to dance is a good one.


E. Rob Zombie plays the voice of the Ravager Navigator in the movie.

F. Rocket is the bomb and I want a stuffed animal version for my home. What makes this movie great is that there are weird over-the-top characters that are relatable, fun and who you would want to hang out with. Characters are the most important thing of any story ever! I would hang out with this raccoon any day. guardians-of-the-galaxy-rocket G. Groot only has one line that he says over and over again, but he had more character than 95% of the actors I have seen in all movies this year. Sorry Sandra Bullock, a talking wooden tree is more believable than you. I also think it is interesting that the movies with the most believable characters in 2014 are Guardians of the GalaxyDawn of the Planet of the Apes and The Lego Movie. I am being serious. The characters in all these movies seem more real and honest to me emotionally than any other film this fuckin year.

I also hope they sell a dancing toy version of this.tumblr_n9qp9fhXo81r0t68go2_250 guardians-of-the-galaxy-groot-13 H. Zoe Saldana was Gamora in this movie. She was okay but I need more character development for her. She was the only one that I didn’t feel sad for. Gamora should have also been played by Raven-Symoné. Real heroes will make you cry.


You can never go wrong with Raven.


I. Stay through the whole credits there is some crazy shit.

J. The poster is busy but I love lasers and the colors.


This one is better.


“Lucy” or “You Only Need 1% Of Your Brain To Watch This Movie” – My Fucking Review

Here is my review for “Lucy“. Okay the movie starts off with Scarlett Johansson (Lucy) dating some shit head who tricks her into going into some building to deliver a briefcase. There she is taken prisoner by Min-sik Choi and he puts a bag of drugs inside her body and then sew her ass back up. So that way she can smuggle that shit to another country. The drug bag breaks inside her and she starts getting super powers. They make her fly up onto the ceiling and she instantly knows karate and talks really pretentious. She also starts shooting and killing people. Now she is using more than 10% of her brain. Supposedly this means smarter, faster, stronger, hotter, meaner, etc. Her percentage goes up every once and while in the film in the hopes she gets to 100%. She calls Morgan Freeman and she wants to hang out with him because he knows about brain percentages. On the way she meets this French cop who is boring and irrelevant. Later Min-sik Choi is still after her cuz she has the drugs they put in her. She can somehow make computers do all this crazy shit now, but I am not sure how. You can’t make a car fly without rebuilding it to fly first and I don’t care how smart you are. Anyway….. She eventually is too smart for her own good and is able to go back in time to visit a monkey version of herself and a T-Rex. I’m serious. A FUCKIN T-REX!!!! Then she literally turns into a huge ooze computer, then downloads herself into a space jump drive for Morgan Freeman to play with. I’d like to see you plug that space jump drive up to my 2014 computer and not blow it up. Meanwhile she is literally everywhere at the end of the film and is in cell phones. Like Siri. This is the prequel to the movie “Her” I guess. Okay so this movie was too much and trying to be “2001: A Space Odyssey“, Maybeeeee??? Its not and it doesn’t make sense. They used fuzzy logic to explain shit. It’s like 1970’s science. Wrong. Aren’t we tired of seeing pretty white girls with pretty white powers yet? Boring. It was just too much and yet not enough. If you wanna see another sci-fi movie that Scarlett J. is in rent “Under the Skin“. It’s creepy and real. This one is like watching a hokey Discovery Channel show with Morgan F. narrating it with made up science shit. So if you like Scarlett, guns, T-Rexs, Morgan Freeman, silly logic, Ooze computers, space jump drives and blue drugs you will like this movie, but you will not love it. I will never watch it again.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. She can see phone calls. I don’t want to see phone calls.


B. We already use 100% of our brains. Sorry to ruin it for you.

Here is a USA TODAY video about it.


another article


C. Here Morgan says he is tired of Blonde White Bitches saving the world.


D. This shit doesn’t make sense at one point she is time traveling, changing her hair color, and making people pass out. Ummm she’s a witch. That’s magic bitch.

E. They had a countdown (up) clock to get from 10% to 100% the entire movie. That shit was annoying too. If this was made in 1989 the audience would have bought it more. Now the world is smarter.

F. Luc Besson Directed this movie (La Femme NikitaLéon: The ProfessionalThe Fifth Element).

Also this Madonna music video. His shit made more sense in the 90’s. This Madonna video is boring by the way.

G. Min-sik Choi chases Lucy even though at one point this bitch is turning into a fuckin Ooze computer. UMMMMM I would run screaming. Keep the drugs trick.


H. The entire movie they keep cutting to animals hunting, or eating or fucking. It was annoying and silly. We get it humans are like animals. Shut the fuck up. We ain’t learning bitch!

I. Here Scarlett watches the movie “Lucy” for the first time.


J. Eric Serra composed the score. His scores are disorganized and forgettable.

K. Boring Poster.


This should have been the poster and it should have starred Lucille Ball as Lucy killing people.

womenwhochangedamerica-lucille-ball-1 copy copy copy copy


“Under The Skin” or “Under The Foreskin” my fuckin review

Film Review Under the Skin

She sees you!

Here is my review for “Under the Skin“. It’s hard to talk about this movie without giving it away. My suggestion is to watch it first and not even watch the trailer. That’s what I did. Okay so Scarlett Johansson is in this movie and she is luring dudes to some fucked up place and doing fucked up shit. They are all naked and the dudes have boners. Then She leaves a baby on a beach. In the end her coochie is weird. Okay I kept it vague so as not to ruin it. I liked this movie a lot. It was weird, creepy and fucked up. Scarlett is great in this weird ass movie and all the crazy shit you see in this movie is worth it. It really is eery and creepy as fuck. The score is amazing and scary and you will wonder what the fuck is going on, then you will think about it for days after watching it. See this shit! So if you love Scarlett, weird shit shot well, boners, boobs, creepy shit, a man with a deformed face and Scarlett falling then watch this movie! I want to buy it and I already ganked the score for it.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. There was a baby on a beach. It was great.

B. There were erect dicks in this movie. Here is Paul Brannigan nude.


C. There were boobies in this movie.


D. The score was composed by Mica Levi and it is amazing, creepy and sexy. Here is a sample.

E. This dude is real and you also see his dick.13091102_Under_the_Skin_04 (1).jpg

F. Scarlett fell in a scene in this movie, but the camera was so far away that people thought that she just fell and busted her ass for real. Turns out she was acting in this movie. It became a popular Internet meme in which users would Photoshop Johansson into various situations and throw her shade. Turns out it was acting bitches.



G. This was directed by Jonathan Glazer (BirthSexy Beast). As well as these music videos. He is shit is weird but interesting.

H. There are no character names in this movie.

I. The poster is cute and says it all.


“Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” or “I LOVE THESE MONKEYS BITCH” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes“. This is the sequel to “Rise of the Planet of the Apes“. Also you don’t have to see the older “Planet of the Apes” movies to get these new ones. They are great but “Rise of” was a reboot. So watch that one and then this one. Okay so the movie takes place like 10 years after part 1. Humanity is fuckin apocalyptic shit hole and the monkeys have been living in the woods in peace while humanity fell apart. Caesar is their leader now and he is married with kids. Maurice is the school teacher and Koba is like the security. Everyone is happy as shit until the humans show up with guns and their bullshit ass problems. Humans love power and need the power coming from a nearby dam. The monkeys are like “Ummmmmm beat it creeps” but Caesar lived with James Franco in part 1 and says they aint all bad.  Koba hates humans and is like “FUCK THIS SHIT”. Everyone then goes ape shit and the battle is on. Monkeys with machine guns on horses, humans with bazookas, and everyone dying left and right. This movie is fucked up and sad. In the end you can’t wait for a part 3. Okay so I love this movie a lot. They focus on the apes so much in this movie and that is amazing and what we paid to see. If I go to the zoo I don’t want to talk the fuckin caretakers for 2 hours, take me to the monkeys bitch! The emotions that the apes show each other and to the humans is amazing and Caesar and Kobo show more emotion in this movie than all the human performances I have seen this year. That’s right this CGI looks and feels real and they act better than most of Hollywood out together bitch. It really is shot well and looks real. Apes with guns is crazy and I love the message about the only thing Kobo learned from humans was hate so that it was he spreads. Caesar learned love and understanding from James Franco (they gave a shout out to him and said he was good man. TRUE) so that is what he spreads. The apes use a lot of sign language in this movie and I think that is incredible. You don’t always need words to speak bitch. The score was amazing and I put a sample below for that ass. Everything Maurice said I agreed with and I would marry him. So if you love Planet of the Apes, amazing acting, believable characters, action, a point, a message, realistic CGI, and monkeys talking then go see this movie ASAP. I will be seeing this movie in the theatre again and buying it on Blu Ray. I also want the toys! I wish they cursed more “Eat ape shit bitch”.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Matt Reeves directed this movie (Let Me InCloverfieldFelicity). He did a great job and I love “Let Me In” also.

B. Caesar (Andy Serkis) is amazing in this movie and I could watch him all day. You forget he is CGI after 2 seconds.1911084_10152340067139819_1380826373075723708_o

C. I love Keri Russell in anything. Even if I see her in Walmart.

D. Koba (Toby Kebbell) should get an Academy Fuckin Award.


E. Watch two real chimps go and watch the movie and love it too. I would be afraid they had Ebola though.


F. Kodi Smit-McPhee was the boy in “Let Me In” and “ParaNorman“. In this movie he can draw.


G. Michael Giacchino is an amazing composer. There is even a hint of  Jerry Goldsmith (Planet of the Apes) in this new score.

H. Maurice is my hero and favorite monkey! He looks real as fuck. Also his movement is tight.


I. Rocket is a good dad. Monkey see, monkey do.

J. There was a big gorilla that didn’t have a name. I think her name was “Becky” though.


K. Judy Greer plays Cornelia. They could have given Caesar a prettier wife monkey. Judy is hot this monkey is not.


L. I can’t wait for the third. These movies are so much fun to watch. I hope the next one has a better title though. These first 2 titles are long and confusing. They should call the 3rd one “Monkey War” or “Monkey Hustle” or “Monkey Party”.

M. The Toys I want.


N. Here are the actors that play the apes acting in a scene. This is amazing and what makes it seem real. Other CGI movies need to copy this film on how to make CGI characters believable and real.


O. Gary Oldman had the best line in the movie, “are you fucking kidding me”.

P. In the film when the power comes back on at a gas station they played “The Weight” by The Band. But they should have played TLC’s “Waterfalls” not some tired 60’s jam nobody wants to hear not even those monkeys. Or maybe “No Scrubs”.

Q. Jason Clarke who plays Malcolm will also be playing John Connor in the new Terminator: Genesis movie.

R. Monkey Poll

S. This Poster is amazing.


Ape Shit!


“Tammy” or “Poor Tammy” my fuckin review.

Here is my review for “Tammy“. Okay Tammy starts off with Tammy trying to get to work but her car is a piece of shit and she hits a deer. Then heads to work and gets fired. Then her car breaks down. Then her husband cheats on her with Toni Collette. Then she says fuck it and decides to leave town with her grandma Susan Sarandon. She goes on a sad adventure with her Grandmother and rides a jet ski and robs stores and shit. They eventually hang out with her Grandmothers lesbian cousin Kathy Bates. In the end Tammy fixes her hair a little and gets a better shirt. Okay so this movie was cute and funny at times, but not hilarious. I felt sorry for Tammy more than I laughed cuz her life was shit. It did have some funny parts and Kathy Bates was cool. I would wait for Netflix and you will enjoy it more. I do hope they make more Tammy movies. Like “Tammy goes to Africa” and “Tammy in Space”. So if you love Melissa McCarthy, the name Tammy, Chunky white women, Jet skis, and Lesbian Kathy Bates then you will have fun watching this movie. You will not love it, but you will laugh here and there. I can’t wait to see the outtakes, I bet their funny as hell.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Melissa McCarthy is funny as hell, but not that funny in this movie.


B. Susan Sarandon plays Tammy’s grandmother. Her ankles were swollen though.


C. Here is Melissa talking about doing the Jet Ski scene.

D. I could watch her on a jet ski for hours.

article-2675205-1F445F2C00000578-947_638x759 0"TAMMY"-with PETER KING 4-28

E. The name Tammy is funny to me. It’s like Toby.

F. Kathy Bates is great as a lesbian. She is always wise in movies and shit.


G. Ben Falcone is the Director and plays her manager Keith Morgan in the movie.  He and Melissa are also married.

H. HAHA this poster.



“Earth to Echo” or “Earth to Goonies, Explorers, E.T. and other 80’s Kids Movies” My fuckin review

My review for “Earth to Echo“. This story is about 3 best friends on their last night together right before they move away from each other. Alex (Teo Halm) the foster kid who hates being left behind. Tuck (Astro) is the boy filming (found footage film) it all and does the narration for the film. The last is Munch (Reese Hartwig) who is tech smart and the weird one. They all head out to follow some map that has shown up on their iPhones. There they find a little robot alien named Echo and they have to help him get pieces back to his ship, so he can get the fuck up off this backwards ass planet. Along the way they meet a girl and the government is after them also. They even steal some cars and say “Balls”. In the end we learn that friendship is universal. Okay so I liked this movie. Yes, its PG but it’s magical as fuck and the kids seem like real life kids. They are smart ass and just smart about things too. It reminds me of the kids movies in the 1980’s. The kids in those movies were smart and funny and you wanted to be their best friends when you were little. It really is like a bunch of 1980’s movies smashed together. Which is a good thing.There is even a little bit of a horror element in that shit too. You should take yourself or your kids to see this shit. So if you love aliens, robots, kids stealing cars, 80’s movies, and an honest ending then go see this movie. It was a lot of fun to watch and the kids in the theatre were clapping and shit. You will not love it, but you will have fun watching it. It will make you miss all those kid adventure movies you loved as a kid and as an adult.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Echo was cute as shit. It reminded me of the Alien robot things from “*batteries not included“. It did beep a lot. Shut the Fuck Up sometimes Echo.




From the movie “Batteries Not Included”

B. Dave Green directed this movie and also directed Dial M for MurderZombie Roadkill.

C. This kids look pretty normal, ya know, like real kids would be.

Earth To Echo

D. The movie was really about friendship and what it means for kids today.

E. Other magical movies like this one. ExplorersThe GooniesShort CircuitE.T. the Extra-TerrestrialGremlins,*batteries not includedThe Last Starfighter, and Innerspace.

F. Here is the entire cast in the movie and then in real life at the premiere. Will they be big stars one day? Fuck who knows bitch.



G. I’m glad the main kid that was filming and doing the narration was the character Tuck. There should be more African-American actors playing the main characters in kids movies and adult movies too. Not just some sidekick role. Let that whitey be the sidekick for a change.

H. Echo the Dolphin is not in this movie. Sorry. :(

I. Cute


“Transformers: Age of Extinction” or “Michael Bay Is The Worst Director On Earth” – My fuckin review

Here is my review for “Transformers: Age of Extinction“. Okay this is the 4th Michael Bay Transformers movie. The film starts off in America, and its amber waves of grain. Mark Wahlberg and his shitty bunch live in Texas. He loves his daughter, who shows off her ass a lot, and that is about it. Wahlberg is an inventor (they say this shit repeatedly for some reason) and is poor (They say this a lot too). Cut to more heartland of America shots. Wahlberg eventually finds a dead Optimus Prime inside a movie theatre. What nowwww? I think he was killed by humans after the 3rd movie. Then the daughter says “daddddd”. Wahlberg brings Optimus back to life and then helps him escape from the Government, not to be confused with America’s amber waves. The Government is evil in this movie and Bay makes them look like terrorists in the entire movie. America good, Government bad. You figure out this shitty message. Cut to more headland of America shots and Daughter saying “Dadddd” again. They join up with another dumb ass character who is the daughter’s secret boyfriend. The rest of the film is Wahlberg and the boyfriend arguing over who loves his stupid ass daughter more. I am serious. They both talk about how hot she is. Yes, the dad too. Also it’s 2 hours and 45 minutes long. SOOOOO you hate them all by the end of the movie. Now the daughter yells for her boyfriend. Later this rich guy shows up. He makes technology and computers and shit  and has figured out how to make a Transformer. They are made out of Transformium. Yes, say that word again. It is the stupidest shit I have heard this year. Did anyone write this movie at all? Cut to more Heartland of America footage. There is a bounty hunter transformer named Lock Down that is after Optimus, and has made a deal with the humans to find him. I am not sure why he made a deal with humans, when he has all these soliders and big ass ship. Cut to daughters ass. Now Galvatron shows up, he was made by humans, and doesn’t transform. He falls apart and reassembles into a truck. Later they all go to Hong Kong but I am not sure I can remember why. At this point it feels like I have been watching this movie for 4 hours and I’m dizzy and my head hurts from watching a Michael Bay movie in 3D IMAX. While in Hong Kong we learn that all Asians know Kung-Fu, even random dudes in elevators. The Dinobots show up and tear the club (city) up and raise hell. In the end Optimus literally flies off into space like Superman. HAHA WHAT?????? This movie is a fuckin shit mess. The dialogue sounds like nobody wrote it all. The score is horrible. The acting is a nightmare. The characters are forgettable. The story doesn’t make sense at all. It’s sexist and racist. Watching a Michael Bay movie in the IMAX 3d is like being date raped while having a seizure. Honestly, it’s depressing and sad that nobody even tries to make these movies make sense and to make them memorable Sci-Fi films. It really is just fucking trash. I love the idea and concept behind The Transformers and it saddens me to think I can NOT recommend these movies to anyone ever. Yes, the Transformers look cool in theses movies and this time they have more human like faces, which I liked. The Autobots do talk more in this movie, which I like. What they are saying is stupid as shit though. I bet the Transformers ride at Universal Studios makes more sense. These movies make millions and that’s okay, because people love the Transformers. Michael Bay thinks they spend millions because it’s his movie. That the name “Michael Bay” brings people into the seats. The only reason we are there is for The Transformers you douchey BITCH. A handicapped cat could direct the next movie and people would pay to see it. It’s like he doesn’t give a shit about his films or his audience. We are just dumb and who cares what we think or want in a movie. FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY. It don’t matter how much money you have or don’t have because you are fuckin trash can. That is not even good enough to throw my trash into. You are an out of touch old white dude who thinks being sexist, racist and having silly dialogue is cool. It’s not, you are not. You are a disgrace to the film industry. So if you want to see Optimus Prime transform then this movie is for you. That is the only fuckin thing worth while that you will get out of this long and silly movie. I will not be buying this shit.

 The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Michael Bay’s films are sexist and racist. Insert teen girls ass, and all Asians know kung-fu in his movie.

B. Mark Wahlberg was an annoying dad the entire film. I hate his character. This should have been him in the movie. Also an Inventor????? WHO THE FUCK SAYS THEY ARE AN INVENTOR? Have you ever met someone who said they were an inventor? If someone told me they were an inventor I would laugh in their goddamn pretentious ass face!


C. This film is insulting to anyone who is not a white boring American.

D. Stanley Tucci was irritating as the Steve Jobs type character. His jokes were silly and forced. No not for kids just fuckin stupid. Go watch the LEGO MOVIE. Those are about fuckin talking plastic bricks and that dialogue is fuckin amazing.  I hate his character.

E. I love the whole concept of the Transformers. The Transformers looks cool in this movie but the story, the acting, the characters, the score, the message, etc. is all shit. Stepped on shit.

F. Optimus is angry the entire movie because he is an illegal alien and he hates humans now.

G. Nicola Peltz plays a dumb white girl, who contributed nothing except for her ass and pointless dialogue about her boyfriend and father.  I hate her character.

This is literally a poster you can fucking buy to hang on your wall. If I just saw this poster I would think it was about a stupid American girl. Here is an article about how to tell if you are a women in a Michael Bay film. All true.



Dumb Girl in America- The Movie


Her face the entire film

H. Ehren Kruger wrote this movie. Also Transformers: Dark of the MoonTransformers: Revenge of the FallenThe Ring TwoThe Brothers Grimm. His dialogue is literally insulting, silly and pointless. 

I. Jack Reynor was the boyfriend who could drive cars. In a movie where cars drive themselves what fuckin good are you bitch?  I hate his character. At one point he argues that is was not rape to date a 17-year-old. He is 20 years old in the film. There is some “Romeo and Juliet” law that says they can date and it’s not rape. UMMMMMMMM They literally took the time in Transformers movie to tell you how someone older can have sex with someone younger and not go to fuckin jail. WHAT THE FUCK! They even show a close up of the card for it. Are you serious????????


J. Haha WHAT THE FUCK. TRANSFORM-IUM????????? Are you serious you fuckin bitch!

K. Titus Welliver plays a typical bad guy with a trench coat and glasses. He also loves America. I hate his character.

L. Imagine Dragons songs are in this movie. It sounds like something an old white man that can’t get passed the 1980’s would love to listen to. Also the score is horrible by Steve Jablonsky.

M. I like Lockdown. I think.


His face turned into a gun which might be stupid.


N. The Dinobots are in this movie and were fun but only in it briefly. I wish they were painted this way in the movie so we could tell which one was which.


O. You think as a director you would learn from your mistakes. Bay has learned nothing. He has made 4 movies and keeps doing the same thing wrong in each of them. He doesn’t learn because he thinks he is gods gift to the planet. He is not. I would piss on your grave bitch.

P. All Asians do not know Karate or Kung-Fu.

Q.  This had nothing to do with childhoods ruined. It’s bad filmmaking. Period.

R. This half an episode from the old cartoon makes more sense than this entire live action movie. You fucked up and failed Ehren Kruger.

S. I wonder if Bumblebee misses his best friend Shia from the other 3 films. I think we were too hard on Shia in these movies. He was better than Marky Mark.

Bumblebee-Robot-Transformers-HD-Wallpaper-02 copy copy copy

T. I know that these movies help get more Transformer toys and cartoons made, but I feel like it’s blood money. Mother fuckin Blood Diamond. We have to die slowly watching these movies just to go out and buy a 30 anniversary transformer toy. Unicron help us!

U. One good thing is that Frank Welker does the voice for Galvatron. He did the voice of Megatron in the old cartoon. His voice is amazing. Also Peter Cullen as Prime is still amazing.

V. Don’t believe me go look at it on Rotten Tomatoes


W. I literally got a headache during it and had it for 3 days after. I am serious. I think that the constant camera moving and 3D with loud ass noises fucked me up. Bay is fuckin killing us.

X. If you love his movies, I’m not interested in your opinion or reason why. I don’t care, just like you don’t care about my opinion.

Y. At one point Prime says get me to the Autobots THEY can fix me, but on the way there he scans a fancy truck and heals himself? Did anyone read the script first, middle or last? FUCK YOU!

Z. My favorite director John Carpenter posted this Tweet about it.


AA. A Malaysian animator by the name of Harris Loureiro has animated an amazing stop-motion battle between Laser Optimus Prime and Devastator that looks better and is more exciting than Bay’s movie.

BB. Here Bay talks about the irrelevance of having female Transformers and that he killed the one that was put in the film off and it doesn’t matter, because he hates female Transformers and is sexist towards women. There is vagina like alien in the new movie that they horrified by and call a bitch and blow it up. No, it ain’t just me saying this look it up asshole.


CC. Optimus and 3 dumb characters.

transformers-age-of-extinction-poster copy copy