“Power Rangers” or “The Breakfast Club Rangers” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Power Rangers“. Okay the Power Ranges are back and this time they got a budget! They have been beating the shit out of monsters since 1993 and are literally still on the air in 2017! WHAT THE FUCK! So now here we are with these new rangers and they are in detention and troublemakers and not the goodie goodie role models of the TV Show. The Red Ranger is stealing shit, wrecking cars, and slapping the shit out of people. The Blue Ranger has autism and is blowing shit up. The Pink Ranger is a mean bitch who is sending out nudes of her friends. So yes I am into all of this! They are real as fuck. They eventually hook up with the Yellow and Black Ranger and find a cave with an alien space craft and a fucked up looked robot in it and get their powers. Then join this talking wall named Zordon (Bryan Cranston) and learn how to fight. Yes in a training montage. I LOVE TRAINING MONTAGES! Now this evil alien lady named Rita Repulsa is on the way to fuck their shit up, but they are having a hard time morphing (putting their costumes on). They learn it’s because they don’t know each other well. So in this cool scene around a campfire they talk about their fucked up lives. That shit was real and great! In the end it’s morhpin time and they whip ass and get in their dino rides and fight Rita and form a Mega Zord. It all makes loose sense if you see it.

Okay so I had a lot of fun watching this movie, more fun than I thought I would. I love all the teen Power Rangers. They were all interesting, fun, and felt like real people. They really were like a sort of new Breakfast Club that happened to get powers. All the characters were full of personal problems and issues but they were ready to fuck shit up. They didn’t say let’s go stop Rita. They said let’s go KILL Rita. I was like yessssss go kill that bitch! They were serious as fuck with that killing shit. Meanwhile they did take some time to get to know each character. I mean as much as movie like this can, but I felt like I got it. Elizabeth Banks was cool as Rita, I mean she knew she was in this movie and had fun with it. She was killing people. So that’s good. Nobody beats the old Rita though. That lady deserves a lifetime achievement award. The costumes look weird and confining to me. Like how do you fight in that mess, but whatever. When they jump into those dino cars they looked cool. It’s weird seeing all this ranger shit with a budget. They even played the theme song “Go Go Power Rangers” and the whole audience screamed. It was a fun ride and worth the watch whether you like Power Rangers or not. I was not a big fan of the old Power Rangers and I still loved it. I even went home after and watched a bunch of old episodes on Netflix. I will be buying this on blu ray!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Becky G. was Trini (Yellow Ranger) and she was cool and a lesbian. This is a big deal to have a main character like this to be a lesbian. Go Go Lesbian Ranger! 

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The first time we heard of Beck G was in 2013 with her version of this song.

B. RJ Cyler was Billy (Blue Ranger) and he was the best one and he also had autism. This is also a cool step forward to have a character that has autism and also be a huge hero. Rj was also amazing in the movie Me and Earl and the Dying Girl check that out. I said this about him in that review. (D. RJ Cyler (Power Rangers NEW) was funny and real and will be a big star one day.)

C. The costumes are a little stiff and I don’t see how you can fight in them but whatever. In the movie they work and are fun. I wouldn’t wear it though.

D. Directed by Dean Israelite (Project Almanac). He did a good job with this movie and it was a fun ride. Now I want to see his other film. 

E. The new toys look like complete shit! Just fuckin trash! Throw this shit away.

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F. Bill Hader was Alpha 5  and he looked weird as fuck. 

G. Elizabeth Banks was cool as Rita Repulsa,

but nobody beats the original Rita though! She is queen!

H. Brian Tyler (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo DriftAliens vs. Predator: RequiemFinal Destination 5Transformers PrimeThor: The Dark WorldAvengers: Age of Ultron) composed this score and his past work is generic and interchangeable at best. The new Power Rangers score had some fun stuff in it. Nothing too amazing though. Take a listen. Some of it sounded like TRON/Stranger Things rip off.

I. They talked about killing so much. It was amazing.

J. That stepped on Bumblebee from the Transformers or at least made a joke about it. I loved that. I would have said the same shit!

K. Here is every opening theme to every Power Rangers show ever. There are so many and so amazing.

L. This poster is neato.

“Get Out” or “White People Are Scary As Fuck!” my fuck review

Here is my review for “Get Out“. OH MY FUCKIN GOD! Yessss! Okay so this film starts with a couple named Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) and his girlfriend Rose (Allison Williams) and they are getting ready to go visit her white ass parents. She also has not told her parents that Chris is black. He is worried about this, but Rose does not care. His TSA friend says don’t go with her ass, but he loves her and shit. Anyway they go and her white ass parents are acting open-minded but something is off and they have a groundskeeper and housekeeper that act like robots and stare a lot. Shit keeps getting stranger and more clues that something is not right are keep popping up. The mother starts to plays mind games with Chris and fucks him up and then the shit hits the fan. Georgina the housekeeper is scooting around at top speed and crying. The groundskeeper is running at Chris like a bull. Then the racist shit pop off and it’s time to GET THE FUCK OUT!

Okay this movie is amazing! It’s intense, real, honest, scary, fucked up, and even funny at times. It’s like “The Stepford Wives” and “Rosemary’s Baby” and even a little “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” mixed together but in a current and relevant way. It may a touch a nerve with some, but I feel like good movies (art) always does. You will talk about it afterwards and maybe even for weeks to come. I mean you should be. The cast is great and there is a lot to guess at in this movie and even understand up until the very end. Writer/Director Jordan Peele gave it to you and you will want to see this film twice to get all things you missed the first go round. Daniel Kaluuya was great as Chris and Lakeith Stanfield (Atlanta, and he is about to play L in Death Note) is great also and he will be huge soon. The rest of the cast is great and you really feel dread for the Chris character and what he is going through. It’s for sure a horror film but you will learn a lot from it and what African-Americans go through on a daily basis. What they hear and see and are treated like. Just like a fuckin horror film. The cool thing about this movie and great movies in general is that you really will talk about this one for weeks after you have you watched it. Maybe somebody watching it will learn something too. It really is the first great film of 2017. It’s suspenseful and important. Go see it ASAP. You will be buying this one on blu ray.  

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A.Daniel Kaluuya (SkinsBlack MirrorKick-Ass 2, a new Watershed DownBlack Pantherwas great in this movie and is a new horror hero. You really want him to get out and escape and leave these white bitches behind. 

B. Jordan Peele is the writer and Director and I can’t wait to see more from him as a Director because already know he is funny. I hope they make a sequel too called “Get the Fuck Out!”

C. Georgina gave it to you! She was laughing and crying at the same goddamn time! YESSS! She was played by Betty Gabriel (The Purge: Election Year). She really summed up everything. 

D.Lakeith Stanfield is an interesting actor in this and in “Atlanta” and I can’t wait see him in Death Note also. 

A pic of him as L in Death Note.

E. Erika Alexander has a small part in this!  Who you say? Maxine from Living Single!!!!!!!! I love her!

F. The score was composed by Michael Abels and this is all he has done! I am impressed though. This track is great! It has a sort of The Twilight Zone feel to it.

G. Here is a list of interesting hidden secret things you may have missed in the movie. So many amazing things.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/erinchack/things-you-may-have-missed-in-get-out?utm_term=.le44m5aRq#.ot9jla8B4

Also a lot of memes have popped up and they are great.

H. Allison Williams is great in this because you hate her in this and everything she is in like GirlsPeter Pan Live! etc. She is “that” white girl. If you see her and you are like “OMG she is just like me” in any film or TV show that she is in then kill yourself. 

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I. This poster is nice.

“Kong: Skull Island” or “King Kong Goes to Vietnam or Apocalypse Kong” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Kong: Skull Island“.  It’s 1973 and Vietnam is over and John Goodman is organizing a team to head to Skull Island to look for giant monsters. He needs a military team headed by Samuel L. Jackson to go with him. Samuel loves war and death and hates monkeys. They also need a pretty girl to go take photos for them so Brie Larson goes and a bunch of other people who do other stuff. So they head to the island and when they get to the island they load up the helicopters and tie big speakers to them so they can play their favorite 70’s songs, so that King Kong can hear them coming. When they see Kong they fly all their helicopter right into his face for some reason. Nobody turns or stops. Helicopters are not planes, they can stop and hover and shit. So all 10 or 20 copters are destroyed. Seriously all of them fly right into his goddamn face and hands. Anyway now everyone is trapped on Skull Island with other giant monsters and bad neighborhoods.  Samuel is pissed and just stands there a lot looking at a monkey that is the size of a fucking mountain. He is such a “bad ass” that he is not getting out-of-the-way of something that is the size of a building coming at him? I don’t understand. He is stupid. Is that the point? Step on him I hate him. Meanwhile everyone is running away. Then everyone gets separated and some country captain keeps writing his son letters for some reason, but that never pans out. Then they run into John C. Reilly who has been trapped on the island for years. He helps with some comic relief and sounds like he is improving his dialogue thank Kong (God). Later they all team up and hate Samuel as much as me. Then watch Kong fight a Skull demon Mortal Kombat style. I swear he throws a chain like Scorpion. We finally learn that Vietnam was a bad war and that not to fuck with the Ecosystem of the Earth etc. Stay until after the credits for a surprise about the future of Kong and Godzilla. 

Okay so I love the concept of King Kong. I love Monster movies. Ya know Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, etc. but the monsters are only half your film. Shit, I thought by watching the trailer I would hate the John C. Reilly character because it would be too silly for this film, but he was the only one with half way distant lines. The rest of the characters were just forgettable. I was like step on them, who cares. It’s like honestly give me something to work with or remember here. The Director obviously liked “Apocalypse Now” and “Jurassic Park“, but you can quote those movies. You can’t quote this movie. Well unless you want to make fun of it. “Kong is king around here” Hahaha get real. Meanwhile we see 20 helicopters smashing into Kong because the script says we need all the people trapped on the island. So get those bitches on the ground no matter if it makes sense or not. Characters sacrificing themselves because it’s time for them to die because the others are more important? To be fair it happens in a lot movies. Who knows why. I guess in the end I think with King Kong you are supposed to feel emotion for that character out of all the monster movies. Like when he gets hurt or falls over, you are supposed to go, no not Kong. But really you don’t feel anything for anyone in this movie. I mean I guess if you love King Kong then you love seeing him on the big screen and seeing him fight monsters, there are a few cool shots and other monsters in the movie and that’s about it. It sounds like I hated it but I didn’t. It’s a big Hollywood movie and I was just disappointed in the characters, dialogue and the score. I wish I could felt something for King Kong. I would not buy it on Blu Ray though. It is better than that Peter Jackson shit, but I did love the weirdness of the 1976 version.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Tom HiddlestonBrie LarsonCorey HawkinsTian JingToby KebbellShea WhighamThomas Mann and Jason Mitchell were pretty much forgettable and just empty action figures and or bodies to be stepped on. If they are all replaced in the sequel that’s cool. I don’t know their character names etc. 

B.John Goodman plays John GoodmanSamuel L. Jackson play a guy who loves war and hates apes. 

C. Directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts. Who directed “The Kings of Summer” which I loved. It doesn’t feel like the same director. 

D. The Dialogue was a mess and cheesy to me. Ya know eye rolly. Here is who wrote the screenplay Dan Gilroy (NightcrawlerMax Borenstein (Minority Report TV Show, Godzilla: King of MonstersGodzilla vs. Kong) and Derek Connolly (Jurassic WorldMonster TrucksUntitled Jurassic World SequelStar Wars: Episode IX).  These are the 3 dudes who wrote it and what they will be writing next. So get ready for more forgettable lines in the future.

E. A weird ass scene from the 1976 King Kong. At least it’s memorable.

F. Henry Jackman composed the score and like most of his scores it’s generic and forgettable. (X-Men: First ClassAbraham Lincoln: Vampire HunterG.I. Joe: RetaliationThe 5th WaveCaptain America: The Winter SoldierJack Reacher: Never Go Back)

G. I am excited about Godzilla vs. Kong coming in 2020 and Godzilla: King of Monsters in 2019. 

I hope in this movie there are cooler characters. Maybe an all female pop group caught in the middle of them fighting called “WHEN TEMPERS FLARE”.

H.  Look out! He right there! Turn!

 

“Logan” or “Logan Can’t Get It Up Anymore-His Claws BITCH!” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Logan“.  Wolverine is back and he is old as fuck. He has a problem getting his claws up and hard these days and he is really only hanging out with Professor X who is a senile old man. Their lives are shit now and they are living in a warehouse with a vampire mutant tracker and I think all the other mutants are dead. I’m confused about that shit though. Now a little girl Wolverine has shown up named Laura, who is mean as hell but she needs help etc. This male model shows up with a robot arm and wants to kill them all. Now they are forced to all take a road trip and they learn how to curse and kill. In the end we learn that it’s the end.

Okay so this was a fun movie and maybe we like it because we know this shit is over. Maybe we like it because it’s rated R and they curse a lot and heads get cut off. Half way through the movie you get angry because you realize they could have been doing this rated R shit in all the movies. Wolverine could have been cutting off heads since X-Men one in 2000! Anyway it’s definitely an interesting movie because you have not seen this shit before. It’s in the future and they are all old and busted and that’s something. I have enjoyed all the X-Men movies since the first dropped in 2000. Were they all zingers? No. But they were a fun ride. Even if some were cheesy.  The ride is over now assholes (until a reboot).  The audience seemed sad. Hahaha This lady behind said “This is bullshit!”  Hahaha Anyway check it out it’s worth this watch if you love the “X-Men” movies. The score was great too by Marco Beltrami. If you are burned out by superhero movies then you will hate this shit and kill yourself during it. Thank god Jean Grey didn’t show up in this or I would have walked the fuck out!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Hugh Jackman still scratching bitches. 

B. Richard E. Grant was in this and I love him as an actor. 

C. Dafne Keen played Laura and I guess we will see her ass in everything now. She was cool though. 

D. Marco Beltrami composed the score. It was great. He has also composed ScreamScream 2The FacultyBlade IICursedRed EyeThe Thing– remake and much more. I love him.

E. Patrick Stewart still giving it to you. He has given us so much. 

F. Boyd Holbrook played Pierce. He was great. Who the fuck is this guy?

Looks like he was a model before acting.

G. They should have played this in the end credits instead. HAHA

H. Jesus WTF.

 

“The LEGO Batman Movie” or “The Realest Movie About Friendship/Family This Year!” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “The LEGO Batman Movie“. Okay so this the follow-up to “The LEGO Movie“. Which I loved. This movie is all about Batman! It starts off with him saving the city and also how cool and great he is. He is on top of his game and he knows that shit. After the saving he heads back to Wayne Manor and realizes he is alone as fuck though! All he has is Alfred. He is parents are dead and he is sad, but still trying to be cool and saying he doesn’t need anyone. Not the Joker or even bat friends. He eventually teams up with Robin and Batgirl to try to stop the Joker from destroying the city etc. Along the way Batman learns that his friends are his family and that he may lose people in his life but in the end it’s worth it so that he is not alone.

Okay so this movie is amazing and makes a great point. What the fuck is going on in the world when the Lego Batman movie makes more sense and has more emotion than most live action movies. It really has a lot of emotion and teaches you that your friends are your family. Maybe a lot of kids and people don’t feel close to their families these days, or are adopted and shit etc. This films helps you be thankful for the close friends you have, for they really are your family. WOW WHAT THE FUCK! AMAZING! GO LEGOS! This film is also funny as hell for everyone. The writers know how to entertain you. Also all the Batman and superhero references are the best. Will Arnett as Batman is comedy gold and you will love him. Even the music is fun as hell. Go see this fun as fuck movie! If you love Batman, laughs, and emotion this is for you! I will buy this movie. Keep making these movies you bitch!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Will Arnett was Batman and he was great 

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B. Michael Cera as Robin was funny and cute as fuck.

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C. Rosario Dawson was Batgirl and she was the bomb!

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D. It’s directed by Chris McKay (Robot ChickenTitan MaximumMoral Orel). Written by Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and ZombiesDark ShadowsAbraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) and Chris McKenna (CommunityThe Mindy ProjectAmerican Dad!Spider-Man: Homecoming). All these people together made sense of this movie and made it great. 

E. This song is cute as fuck and it’s about friendship.

F. The Super Friends members Apache Chief, Black Vulcan, The Wonder Twins, Dyno Mutt, El Dorado and Samurai were all in this movie and I want them all.

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G. Mariah Carey was Mayor McCaskill and it’s her best role. 

H. Siri will sound like the PUTER from the movie on your iPhone.

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Also bat pics of us.

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I. Cute as fuck!

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“Split” or “James McAvoy Character Orgy” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Split“. M. Night Shyamalan is back again and everyone acts like they hate him still. Haha He can’t get a break after making “The Happening”. Okay so this film starts off with 3 female teens leaving a party. They get into a car and then get kidnapped by James McAvoy. Now they are in some basement warehouse somewhere with trapped with his ass. Shit gets nuttier when he starts coming in acting like a shit load of different people each time. He has split personalities! Get it! Some are nice and some are assholes. He eventually starts talking about a new personality that is about to pop off that is a beast or demon or something. So fuck that! They have got to get out of there. Meanwhile he is hanging out with some old lady therapist that is trying to help him. She really is trying too, but he crazy. In the end the beast shit hits the fan and personalities go ape shit too. Now here comes a cool twist I didn’t see coming. Yayyyyyyy! I love that ending. WHAT THE FUCK!

Okay so I had fun watching this film. James sold all 23 personalities, it was like a mental orgy up in there. He was creepy and even funny at times too. The main girl Anya Taylor-Joy (the girl from “The Witch”) was great and I hope she keeps doing horror movies. She has a great horror stare. There were some weird flashbacks with her character that seemed a little long-winded, but I get it, you needed to know she was a survivor etc. I love that M. Night always get supernatural and weird cuz that’s what I want to see. It would have been nice for the old lady to help him though, like people with mental disorders aren’t monsters but can be helped etc. Meanwhile the endings reveal was great and made me want to watch another movie of M. Nights again ASAP! I loved that. It was fun. So if you want to see a fun, creepy, weird, twisty movie then this is for you. If you hate all of M. Night’s movies then you will probably hate this one too. So skip it, or if you have hang ups about him then skip it.  Some people hate that he has twist endings. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. James McAvoy was great in this movie and he sold all his parts.

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Work it girl.

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B. Anya Taylor-Joy was great in this and I love her long ass stares in movies. 

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Here she is in THE WITCH too.

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C. Here is a list of M. Night Shyamalan‘s films/TV. I guess he really got a raw deal. Many directors have things they love to do in their films that make them “their” films. You know when it’s a John Carpenter film etc., because they all have a filmmaking style. M. Night has his twist endings and people hate him for it for some reason. They roll their eyes it. I mean I guess he just love Twilight Zone endings or whatever. Give the guy a break. Shit he has now made 7 things that I like and 4 I didn’t. 

The Good: 7

The Sixth SenseSignsUnbreakableThe VillageWayward PinesThe Visit, and now Split

The Bad: 4

Lady in the WaterThe HappeningThe Last AirbenderAfter Earth.

D. Betty Buckley gave it her all. 

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E. West Dylan Thordsoy (JoyThe Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst) composed this movie. It was pretty good.

F. His next movie is Labor of Love– A widower embarks on a cross-country trip on foot to prove his love for his late wife.

G. Cute.

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