“Incredibles 2” or “Elasta Girl is Really Incredible” my fucking review

Here is my review for “Incredibles 2“. The Incredibles are back! You have waited 50 years or whatever to the sequel and it’s here. It starts off right where the last one left off and this time Elasta Girl is going off on her own to solve crimes and fight bad guys while Daddy Incredible stays home and takes care of the kids. Edna is back too and helping the baby get some new clothes. In the end the entire family pops off and beats ass.

Okay so I loved it. It was fun and action packed. It really holds your attention the entire movie too. Plus the animation is a giant leap forward from the last film. Both these films have great dialogue and smart characters. This dialogue is better than most live action movies. It’s great how they focus on Elasta Girl and that she doesn’t have to stay home with the kids, but it’s also cool that Daddy Incredible learn to be strong at home too. The score was great by Michael Giacchino and he really does this movie wonders. I love Holly Hunter too, she is just great in anything she does. Even if it’s just her voice. Go see this movie in the theater for sure. You will love it. I can’t wait for a part 3 in like 10 years.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. This is a fun superhero movie. It’s more entertaining than most films out there now.

B. It was written and directed by Brad Bird (The Iron GiantThe IncrediblesRatatouilleMission: Impossible – Ghost ProtocolTomorrowland) and he does the voice for Edna Mode (E). His animated films are amazing. His lived action films not so much. 

C.  Holly Hunter is amazing in everything. Give here a lifetime achievement award now! Dat ass though.

D. Be these assholes for Halloween too!

E.Michael Giacchino is brilliant and this score is amazing. Listen here.

F. Gazerbeam forever.

G. Cute posters.

 

 

“Hereditary” or “True Horror is Family” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Hereditary“. I have been waiting on this movie since the first moment I heard about it. It’s the talked about horror movie of the year. Brought to you by A24 Films. They have been giving you quality for years now, “The Blackcoat’s Daughter” “Green Room” “Witch” “It Follows”  “Under the Skin“. Thank you A24 Films!

Okay back to the film. Okay so this movie starts off moody, weird, sad and scary. Toni Collette’s mother dies and Toni and her family are left trying to deal with her death and the weird shit surrounding it. She has a creepy daughter named Charlie who is running around cutting heads off birds and shit. More creepy ass deaths happen, which causes the family unit to come unraveled into a living nightmare. Now Toni is trying to understand all the deaths in this story. Then supernatural elements come into play in a creepy fucked up way. Obviously I am dancing around the plot so I don’t give things away.

Okay this movie really is nerve-racking as fuck! You will be uneasy watching it the ENTIRE time! My neck was sore when it was over from being tensed up the whole time. It really is a great horror movie that needs to be seen. You will leave thinking about it and might even see ghosts in the shadows of your own room. “Scary” is relative now. So what scares you will not scare me and vice versa. The news is scarier than any horror movie these days, so ya know, but you can still understand what being afraid is. Put yourself in the situation and how it would feel. What is more scary than your crazy ass family doing fucked up shit to you? Your family members dying and not leaving etc. This movie is really about that, the family unit, and how sometimes your parents aren’t so great or they think certain things are in your best interest whether they are fucked up or not. True horror is the family unit. The supernatural elements are just a cherry on top in this film. You will be afraid if you let yourself be. Don’t be an asshole. Ask yourself what movie scared you lately and why?

Toni Collette is so good in this movie. She gave you all the fuckin emotions and sold the shit out of it. She really is talented. Her son is played by Alex Wolff and he was amazing too. There are scenes were he is crying out loud, making noise. Some people in the audience laughed at this and I realized you never really see guys crying “honestly” in film. It’s usually just tears, but this character is broken and it’s real. He is truly horrified and upset. There are so many scenes about life and family that feel real. It will remind you of things that you have experienced in your own life. Are we screwed to live out the choices our parents made for us? Can you break a cycle and move on? When the crazy supernatural elements kick in you will also be scared for sure. I am trying not to give a way a lot here. So just see it. The score is playing pretty much the entire film and it really adds to the uneasiness of the film. Yes it’s nerve-racking. Yes it’s gory. Yes it feels real. Yes it’s fucked up. I love the ending too, because it’s weird and insane.  If you go in with an open mind you will love this film. If you go in pissed and jaded saying “This film better be scary” you will probably hate it. Also there are serious horror films and roller coaster horror films. Yes, you can love both too. They are different types of movies. “Horror” is a lot of things. You can love “Insidious” and yet still love the “Witch”.  Don’t be a horror dick. This movie is great and Toni deserves and Oscar for that shit. The director Ari Aster really did an amazing job of keeping you on the edge of your seat the entire time but still making it thought-provoking and real. Go see it. I left the theater creeped out and depressed and uneasy.  

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Toni Collette you are gold! I have loved you in everything! Give her an Oscar! Muriel’s WeddingThe Sixth SenseUnited States of TaraFright NightKrampus

B. Look at this fucked up scene.

C. Alex Wolff was great and broken in this movie.

D. Ari Aster for his first big feature film he gave you that shit. He says he is doing another horror movie next and that he loves horror movies.

E. Will you become your parents or family, or can you transcend and move forward. Save yourself!

F. Colin Stetson composed the score. I loved it. He is relatively new composer. Here is a sample.

G. The end credit song was amazing.

H. This poster sums it up. Sad, broken, and haunted.

 

“Solo: A Star Wars Story” or “Chewbacca Pop Off”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Solo: A Star Wars Story“. Han Solo is back from the dead. Well before he died. Chewbacca is also back and a bunch of other characters we don’t know. Okay this time we get to see Han growing up on a shit planet and trying to survive. He loves Emilia Clarke and they want to ditch this shit planet and travel the stars banging. Han makes off but Emilia doesn’t. Sorry girl you got left. Remember he is a young Han and still believes in love. Now we get to see Han making his way through the galaxy meeting new friends that are thieves and killers. Later Lando shows up and they all have a blast. In the end Han can’t really trust anyone, and realizes love is for the Porgs, and also a few surprise characters show up. There are NO Jedis. There is no grandiose story about saving the universe. Just Han and Chewbacca hanging out and stealing shit. Which is cool. 

Okay so this movie is a lot of fun to watch. I liked Alden Ehrenreich as Solo and Chewbacca is banging. I felt like he was a young Han. Emilia got on my nerves for some reason. I just can’t get through believing she is whatever character in this movie. She ruined Terminator. The story is fun and not a big deal. Which is cool because in “Star Wars” everything is about the whole universe is going to die or some shit. This is just a couple of smart asses stealing shit and getting double crossed. Can’t someone just chill and eat at space taco. The robot L3-37 was weird to me, maybe it was the look of it or something. I will not buy that robot toy. Ron Howard is the new director that got brought in to shoot or finish the film. It feels like his movies though. PG and cheesy at times. The last movie I liked he did was “Cocoon”! His work is hokey. The score was better than I excepted because John Powell is mainly a cartoon composer. So it was lighthearted, but not bad. Donald Glover really is just fun to watch in anything. You buy it and he is cool selling it to you. Give us more Lando. I really do love watching any Star Wars movie and I am glad they are making all these side-chick movies. It’s fun. Will you love this move? Probably not, but you will have fun riding it. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Alden Ehrenreich did a good job in it. He is likable for sure. He hung with Chewbacca well too.

B. Donald Glover is great in anything. He was amazing as Lando. You bought what he was selling. He also wanted to bang the robot.

C. My favorite character in the film was this singing frog.


Here is their song.

D. Emilia Clarke kept taking me out of the film. Was she bad? No. I was just to aware of her or something. It never felt like she was a character. I liked her clothes though.

E. Directed by Ron Howard (SplashWillowBackdraftApollo 13,How the Grinch Stole Christmas,The Da Vinci Code ). He hasn’t done something that interested me since Cocoon in 1985!

F. I was not feeling L3-37 . It was voiced by Phoebe Waller-Bridge. But it looks like shit. This fucking broken stapler.

G. John Powell composed the sore (How to Train Your Dragon 2The LoraxRioKung Fu PandaX-Men: The Last StandAgent Cody Banks) 

Sooooooo it is light-hearted, a little Rom-Com, and some throw backs to Empire Strikes Back. John Williams composed the theme though. Don’t get me wrong it’s not bad just a little light.

This is the best track and it’s just revamped version of John Williams score from Empire.

H. Sam Witwer from “Star Wars: Rebels” did the voice of Darth Maul in the Solo movie. Also Ray Park who was in the Darth Maul costume in “Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace” and played him again in Solo. Weird.  The original voice of Darth Maul was Peter Serafinowicz

I. Chewbacca had another wookie friend in the movie and he looked like shit! I screamed. He looked like Cha-Ka from “Land of the Lost“.

J. Cute

“Deadpool 2” or “Ryan Reynolds Curses Well!” my fuckin review

Here is my review for Deadpool 2.  Deadpool is back and he is in love and talking about marriage and kids. Families are big now I guess. This time Deadpool is helping this chunky kid with superpowers called Firefist. He is an angry kid that wants to kill people. A time traveling bad guy shows up called Cable to kill him John Connor Style. Now Deadpool must for a new team to help him out. The shit hits the fan when you find out not everyone is evil and not everyone is good. Is Deadpool just and asshole that will not die? Or does he care about the people and the future. 

Okay these movies really are funny. You will laugh, even if you are cold-hearted asshole. Ryan Reynolds is really great as this character and he will entertain you for days because he has fun with it. Julian Dennison played Firefist and he is great. You buy what he is selling and I like the fact he is not some skinny little kid. I loved Zazie Beetz as Domino. Having good luck powers is a great idea. Josh Brolin was cool as Cable too. He looks beat the fuck up in it. I loved how his character is not what he seems too. Also I love how they are allowed to make fun of other movies and characters and talk to the audience. I guess it really only works for these films, but the shit is funny.  Also yay for having 2 cool lesbian superheroes in this film! They gave it to you! It really is entertaining and fun movie and director  David Leitch (Atomic Blonde) is really making cool cinema! Go see it or rent it. Part 1 is great too. You will have a good time watching it in a sea of superheroes that feel so similar. This one doesn’t, well at least with characters and jokes. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Ryan Reynolds is great as Deadpool and has fun with it. You see his dick this time, but it’s scary.

B. Josh Brolin is great a tough and broken dude from the future.

C. Directed by David Leitch (Atomic Blonde) and he really has made 2 over-the-top and fun flicks.

D. Bill Skarsgård plays Zeitgeist but he was not in it enough! haha

E. Tyler Bates composed score (Dawn of the Dead 2004, The Devil’s RejectsSlither, Rob Zombie’s HalloweenDoomsdayHalloween IIGuardians of the GalaxyAtomic BlondeSamurai Jack). He is stuff is usually moody, dark, generic, and atmospheric. Which is not really a good thing. This score has a few cool highlights but not great as always. 

Here is Tyler talking about scoring the film.

This is the first score to have a Parental Advisory sticker on it. The 22-track score contains these tracks  ‘Holy Shit Balls,’ ‘You Can’t Stop This Mother Fucker’ ‘Make the Whole World Our Bitch’ ‘Pity Dick’ and ‘Courage Mother Fucker’

F. The best score in the movie was when they played Jerry Goldsmith “Basic Instinct“.

G. The opening credits was amazing.

H. One of the best things about these movies is their song choices! I love it.

I. Finally some LGBT superheroes! Usually they say it an article later and not in the movie. That shit doesn’t count. They have to say it in the movie for it to matter. This movie did it!

J. So cute.

“Avengers: Infinity War” or “Marvel: Great Hits”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Avengers: Infinity War“. Okay we have seen all those other Marvel movies and our asses have been waiting for this one! The Avengers are back and the Guardians of the Galaxy, and Dr. Strange, and Spider-Man, and Black Panther and your mom. Yes, everyone is in this movie, probably you reading this too. Okay so there are like 30 movies leading up to this movie so good luck if you have to catch up and you will want to see all the character development before this film for sure. There is this big purple alien named Thanos and he is out to get all these stones that fit into this power glove. Then he can snap his fingers and half the universe will die. Sounds great! Comic Con will get thinned out this year. Meanwhile, The Avengers plus every Marvel hero we have seen in those 30 films shows up to fuck his jam up. They also sort of meet each other for the first time. Ya know Guardians of the Galaxy meets Iron Man etc. There is some crazy space action, Wakanda action, and some emotional scenes too. In the end the shit hits the fan and you may be crying. If you are smart you will not cry, because they are probably making more films for each of these characters. So you figure it out. Money talks, and Thanos walks!

Okay so this movie was a lot of fun. We were waiting on it forever, so you are pumped to see that shit. There is a lot of action in it but they really do take the time to give you that emotion and develop Thanos. He is not just boring purple bad guy with a huge peen, but a person with different ideas about how to run shit. Maybe he is crazy but he believes he is doing good or whatever. It’s a long movie but you really don’t feel it because there is so much going on in it. It really is a greatest hits with everyone running around and meeting each other and then fighting. The Black Panther is back in this and the entire audience cheered when he showed up. We really love the Black Panther! There is a lot of Guardians of the Galaxy scenes in this movie too, but I don’t mind because their characters are fun and entertaining. The ending is a shock for some but honestly that’s the real problem with the film. There is no sense of dread. If a character dies you think to yourself “Well they will come back some how with Space Magic in the next film”. Meaning somehow they will get brought back in the sequel. Maybe audiences are too smart now. We know what is being filmed after this movie or during this movie. Like Guardians 3, Black Panther 2, Spider-man 2, etc. Basically if they are making these movies already then characters can’t be hurt in this film, but I like that they tried anyway. It really is nuts to see all these actors/characters in one film. You have never really seen anything like it. The score was by a favorite composer of mine Alan S., but once again a lot of it was generic. Just like every Marvel movie score. They just want it to blend in I guess. It’s weak. Anyway go see this in the theater. It’s huge and loud and fun!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Chris Evans really is a great Captain America. He sells the shit out of it, but he was not in this movie as much as others. I assume the next he will be and die!

B. Anthony Russo and Joe Russo directed this movie. They also directed Captain America: The Winter Soldier and  Captain America: Civil War Stay for this Post credit scene. They do a great job of juggling all these characters and make you feel kinda of sad at the end.

C. Tom Holland we love you as Spider-Man. We are excited to see him jumping around and he is believable. Spider-Man ass compared to Captain Marvel ass.

D. Thanos was more interesting than I thought he was going to be. Sometimes villains are just one note. Ya know I hate everyone and I want to rule. Really he just wanted peace and quiet and a vacation. Josh Brolin sold it!

Josh Brolin in Goonies.

Also there are shit load of memes!

Holy shit.

E. Alan Silvestri (Romancing the StoneCat’s EyeBack to the FutureOutrageous FortunePredatorOverboardDeath Becomes HerForrest GumpThe Polar ExpressG.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra) composed the score. I love him but this score was not very memorable. Here is a sample.

F. Us on opening night. We met the real Dr. Strange.

G. Chadwick Boseman is great as the Black Panther.


H. They filmed this in Atlanta. I took this pic of a hot dog stand. It’s in the movie!

I. I can’t believe Sharon was one of the infinity stones!

J. This poster is a cluster fuck.

“Love, Simon” or “A Gay Teens Coming (of age) Out Story” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Love, Simon“. Okay so this is the first big gay Hollywood teen movie. That’s a big deal, it took them until 2018 to make it. The film starts off with a teen named Simon. He is just your average teen but he wants to love dudes. Ya know, make out with them or bang them. Nobody knows he is gay and he is scared shitless about it, because people are assholes and they will beat him up or make fun of him etc. One day Simon finds out that there is another gay dude in his school and he starts emailing him secretly. They don’t know who each other are though. Simon has fantasies about which guy at his school it might be. It’s a like a murder mystery but without anyone getting murdered. Unless murdering that ass counts. In the end Simon has to deal with coming out and how his friends and family will treat him afterwards all while trying to get a date. Also his papers due!

Okay so this movie is great. It really is the first big Hollywood moving about being a gay teen and how hard it is to be gay in High School. It really has all the sort of jokes and characters you would expect in a teen movie, which is fun. Everyone in it really does a great job and you are interested on who they are etc. Nick Robinson really is a star and he has been great in everything I have seen him in. You really believe what he is selling you, and it’s sadness and excitement. If you don’t know what it’s like to be a gay teen then this movie does a good job letting the audience know without being super preachy. They even casted a lot of gay actors to be in the film also.  Jennifer Garner has a great speech in the movie about just because you are gay it doesn’t change who you are. It really is a fun and emotional coming of age (out) story. You will enjoy it for sure and also learn some things about how hard it is for gay teens. Go see it! It’s a positive film about being gay, and being in love. That things will work out for gay teens aka LGBT kids. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Nick Robinson is great in this film and he really is a star. He was great in “The Kings of Summer” too.

B. Joey Pollari plays Lyle in the film and is gay in real life. He was good too. 

http://www.newnownext.com/love-simon-joey-pollari-comes-out-gay/03/2018/

C. Keiynan Lonsdale plays Kid Flash in The Flash TV show, and is also gay in real life. 

D. Here is Nick talking to Ellen about his brother coming out.

E. Miles Heizer is great. I love him in this and “13 Reasons Why” The were rumors that he and his 13 Reasons Why costar were dating for a while. 

 

Kisses from 13 Reasons Why

F. Simon’s friends in the film were believable too. It’s a teen movie, make the teens real and they did. Katherine Langford Alexandra Shipp Jorge Lendeborg Jr. were all fun. It was a feel good movie. 

G. A gay Director,  Xavier Dolanwrote a love letter to the film. Read it. He is a good director also.

http://www.indiewire.com/2018/03/xavier-dolan-love-simon-review-queer-cinema-1201941032/

H. Directed by Greg Berlanti  (Written for ArrowThe FlashTitans, Dawson’s Creek, ) He also produces Riverdale.

He is on the left with his husband Robbie Rogers on the right.

I. Simple but effective. I am into it.

“Ready Player One” or “Take Me to the Porn Oasis” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Ready Player One“. Okay this movie is funnnnnnnnn as fuck! The film starts off with this poor kid named Paralyzed and all he has in his life is a Video Game World. Ya know the real world sucks and if you can be a transformer or some shit then you would be happier. The guy that created the video game world is dead and now there is a contest to find some keys which will get you all the money and you will own the Video Game World and cheat codes. The Video Game World is a happy place where you can get laid and hang out with Teenage Turtles all day.  So everybody wants those keys even the “corporate assholes”. Paralyzed meets a girl and some other friends in the Video Game World and they all work together to win. They should have had a video game orgy. In the end we realize that in the game world you can be anyone, but in real life you are ugly. Also Iron Giant shows up and you literally die screaming!

Okay this movie was so much fun. I loved watching every minute of it. I have always loved a good “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” golden ticket plot, and all of the references in the film are nuts. There are so many, that you can’t figure them all out or even see them all the first time. It’s like a thousand easters eggs waiting to be found and licked on. When you seen one that you know you love it and are happy/ scream. Goro from Mortal Kombat showed up and I died. Tye does a pretty good job as Parzival and I loved his Avatar. He sells it. Also Olivia Cooke really is great in it. I have loved her in everything that I have seen her in. I believe her. I loved their video game best friends too.  Lena Waithe plays Aech /  Helen and she is funny and cool. Philip Zhao plays Sho and Win Morisaki plays Daito and they were fun in it too. I just wished they had been in it more. The “2 kids in love” plot is boring and predictable, but you roll with it because a Gremlin just ran by. They should have worked it from a “He is in love with her soul” angle. Like it doesn’t matter what she looks like on the outside. It’s her personality and inside that matters. They really didn’t do that. Maybe it’s not in the book and Steven S. is to chicken shit to get that real about love. It could have been a cool message though. Meanwhile a straight white dude falls in love with a straight white girl. Not there is anything wrong with that. Some of my best friends are white and straight. They did imply that Lena Waithe’s character is a lesbian and/or Bi. So that being said if you can get over the basic plot then this movie really is fun as hell. It really felt like you were watching an 80’s movie. Basic plot included. Go see that shit or buy it on blu ray and pause that shit everywhere.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Tye Sheridan is Parzival /  Wade and he was good in it. He looks like a regular busted teen or he might morph into a lion. 

His avatar looks better.

B. THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN IN THE MOVIE BUT SHOULD HAVE!

This is in the movie though! CHUCKY!

C. Olivia Cooke is Art3mis /  Samantha is great in BATES MOTEL and everything. She sells it.

D. Iron Giant and GORO from Mortal Kombat are in this movie! Also here is a link to a lot of the shit in the movie. http://www.vulture.com/2018/03/here-are-all-the-references-in-ready-player-one.html

E. Philip Zhao and Win Morisaki were great in it, but I wish they were in it more. Here they are being interviewed. They really were cool. 

F. Steven Spielberg directed this. He hasn’t made a good movie since War of the Worlds in 2005. So this is a pretty fun one for him.

G. Clare Higgins from “Hellraiser” is in this movie! I almost died. She plays Mrs. Gilmore. 

H. There is a scene inside the movie “The Shining” it’s amazing and nuts. You will be like WTF!

I. Alan Silvestri composed the score and he is brilliant and I love this score too. Here is a sample. He has composed some amazing scores over the years. Cat’s Eye, Predator, Back to the Future, The AbyssDeath Becomes Her.

J. Lena Waithe is in this movie. She wrote and episode of Master of None “Thanksgiving“. Which won an Emmy for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series! 

K. This poster is great!

They also made 80’s posters too. CUTE!