“It” or “Would You Bang Pennywise?”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “It“. Okay yes we all love the 1990 TV version of “It” and Tim Curry and Jonathan Brandis too. That movie is gold, but it’s not perfect let’s be real shit. So this movie is a part one and just involves the kids. It’s 1989 and the kids are riding around listening to New Kids on the Block and going to see Batman and shit. Until Pennywise shows up and fucks Georgie up. Now the kids are dealing with this antique clown, bullies and puberty. Life is fucked up in Derry! In the end there is no running from this pervy ass clown and they have to go fuck him up, but they make a promise that if he ever shows up they will come back and face his ass again. Which will be part 2. 

Okay this movie is a lot of fun. The kids are fucking great and lovable and likable. They are honest and curse constantly. That’s real life. Their dialogue is too real. The bullies are scary as fuck. If they were real you would think they were going to kill your ass! That’s amazing. Bill Skarsgard is way different from Tim Curry which is fine and he plays him creepier and even more perverted. He did a good job. I even liked his voice. He goddamn google eyes were nuts. People thought it was long but I honestly thought the length was fine. I was ready to see more. The only thing I was not keen on was the score. It was boring and generic. It just wasn’t memorable at all. It could have been really fun and it just wasn’t. I am excited for the sequel now. Oh was it scary? Yes, I mean for normal people. You will jump a few a times. I mean I thought the clown was hot.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Bill Skarsgård (Castle RockAtomic BlondeHemlock Grove) did a good job in the movie. Those eyes and smile were fucked. 

You can see Bill’s dick and him getting a BJ in the movie Behind Blue Skies. Here is the link.

http://www.fleshbot.com/5837881/a-rather-graphic-blowjob-for-a-mainstream-movie

The real IT.  Haha 

B. New Pennywise

Old Pennywise

C. It was directed by Andy Muschietti (Mama). He did a good job and I am excited about seeing part 2 with the adults version come into play. 

D. The bullies were mean as hell and didn’t give a fuck! If you are going to be a bully be a mean one.

E. My favorite shot in the whole movie. Pert Plus it. 

There is even a POP figure of it.

F. The score was composed by Benjamin Wallfisch (Annabelle: CreationA Cure for Wellness) , and it was boring and generic. Here is a sample.

G. Here is a fun instagram we made to promote the movie the day it came out.

H. The kids were great!

it-2017-kids-group-670-380.jpg

Even the old “IT” kids were great. Shit Seth Green and Jonathan Brandis were in that group!

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I. Poster real cute.

“Atomic Blonde” or “Charlize Just Beat My Ass” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Atomic Blonde“.  Charlize Theron is a spy in 1989 and in Germany! Ummmmmmmmmmm I am fucking sold! That’s right She is spy in the late 80’s when the wall is coming down and she is trying to figure out this or that. I honestly have no idea but I love James Bond/Spy films, but half the time I have no idea what is going on. There is a lot of double agent shit going on and Charlize is literally beating the shit out of everyone. She is also getting her ass beat too. The fight scenes are long and realistic. Charlize comes out bruised and fucked up. She eventually meets another hot spy played by Sofia Boutella and they have sex. Ya know Lesbian Gay sex! This movie is giving it to you! Then they meet another hot spy played by Bill Skarsgård and join forces with him. There are so many hot spies in this movie I don’t know what to do but cry. Then everyone gets their asses beat again. I’m dizzy. Then they play a german version of the 80’s song “Major Tom” and I die. 

Okay this movie is cool, fun, hot sex, and action pack. It’s something to see. It’s a great spy movie that you will love to watch. It’s style on style. The music is loud and proud. That’s great! Charlize is amazing in all that she does. She is the spy we wanted and needed. Sofia is too cool for any goddamn school. Bill Skarsgard is too hot for film. Honestly make a sequel with all of them. It really is fun spy movie to watch. You will dig it too. Check it out ASAP!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Charlize Theron is the best! At what? Everything. She can fight and act and looks good doing it. She is the real deal on all levels.

B. David Leitch  directed this movie and these movies Dead pool 2John Wick (uncredited). What’s interesting is his list on IMDB for “stunts” (Buffy the Vampire SlayerBladeV for Vendetta300The Midnight Meat TrainTRON: LegacyJupiter Ascending)

C. Bill Skarsgård is in this and he is cool in shit and looks cool in shit. He also plays Pennywise in the new “It” movie. 

You can see Bill’s dick and him getting a BJ in the movie Behind Blue Skies.

http://www.fleshbot.com/5837881/a-rather-graphic-blowjob-for-a-mainstream-movie

D. She will beat the fuck out of you.

E. The german version of “Major Tom”.

F. Sofia Boutella is one cool lady. She is star.

G. Tyler Bates composed the score (Dawn of the Dead 2004, The Devil’s RejectsSlither, Rob Zombie’s HalloweenDoomsdayHalloween IIGuardians of the GalaxySamurai Jack). He is stuff is usually moody, dark, generic, and atmospheric. Which is not really a good thing. This is more electronic which pretty good. Sometimes his work sounds like it’s coming from 2 different composers. This is the good composer. 

H. This poster is amazing!

 

What to do in Atlanta for Halloween 2017! (Haunted Houses, Halloween Attractions, Events, Movies, Songs, Blu Rays, Etc.)

eddierayhalloween-1

Me as It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Bitch!

My name is Eddie Ray and I’m in love with Halloween. So I’m happy to live in a HALLOWEEN TOWN like ATLANTA, GEORGIA! People call me the “King of Halloween” and “The hardest working man on Halloween”, but really I’m just a Halloween Bitch, and while some of you just “like” the season of Halloween I literally believe in it. There is a big difference. I work for its success and break my ass to see that it’s a hit in Atlanta each year. I start celebrating September 1st and then it ends for me November 1st. True Halloween Kids always start Halloween on Sept. 1st. Two whole months you bitch! When all of you are sitting around by the pool drinking Long Island Ice Teas in the summer, my ass is waiting for the autumn wind to blow to let me know Halloween is near! Okay I just want to say that Halloween is about the spirit of the season and the fun of it all. To dress up, dance, sing and be scared for a couple of months. It’s all inclusive and for everyone. Black, white, male, female, old, young, gay, trans, or straight (Not Nazis though). Halloween is a happy time and should be shared by all. Nobody owns it, and nobody should. True Halloween Kids will always help each other out during Halloween, posers can stay home.  Ok that being said here are some fun things to do, some fun movies to watch, and some fun things to listen to on a spooky ass Halloween night in Atlanta. This page will be updated as new events come up or change.

Me as a gangster on left.

HERE IS SOME PROOF THAT I LOVE HALLOWEEN BITCH!

Me interviewed in Atlanta Retro:

 http://atlretro.com/2012/10/19/eddieray/

Scout Mob ghost hunt with me:

http://scoutmob.com/atlanta/scoutfinds/4595?referrer=smATLfbart

Scout Mob Quija Board with me:

http://scoutmob.com/atlanta/scoutfinds/6356

Bumps of me in my Halloween costumes on Adult Swim:

http://www.bumpworthy.com/bumps/3892

http://www.bumpworthy.com/bumps/1151

http://www.bumpworthy.com/bumps/5640

http://www.bumpworthy.com/bumps/4303

http://www.bumpworthy.com/bumps/7259

https://vimeo.com/185390775

I was interviewed about Halloween: 

http://atlretro.com/2012/10/19/eddieray/

http://thegavoice.com/atlantas-halloween-king-rides/

You can see more Halloween videos that I film on here: 

https://vimeo.com/ebolaent

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               Me as the Green Ghost from Scooby Doo

Lets talk about Haunted Attractions/ Haunted Houses first:

I used to work in a haunted house called “Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse” for 5 years, but the place it was at is now closed, so now it’s nowhere. Haha Here is a look but you missed it bitch!

Also we made a film about it:

1. 13 Stories Haunted House- (http://www.13storieshauntedhouse.com): This haunted attraction has been open since 1984 in Newnan, GA. It is one my favorite haunted attractions to visit. I’m glad to say over the years I have become friends with a lot of them. This year Horror Hill and 13 Stories Haunted House have combined and moved into a new 54,000 square foot location in Newnan, GA! So get ready for an all new show. Watch me and my friends here to see. We went to the new location this year and you are blindfolded and licked and felt up! I was so happy.

Trailer:

Here is a video from my visit there.

2. Camp Blood  – (www.campblood.com): I love the Friday the 13th films, creepy woods,and blood. So if you love those things as much as me then this is the haunted trail for you. You even go in out of houses and cabins there. City folks beware of hillbillies and rednecks there!

3. Uncle Shucks Corn Maze  – (www.uncleshucks.com): I go here to get lost in a gigantic spooky corn maze at night. It is huge and you can even buy a pumpkin here. Remember to take friends who will have fun with you here. Kid like personalities are a must, pretentious hipsters should probably stay home they will just irritate you.

4. Nightmare Gate Haunted House – (http://nightmaresgate.com/) I have been and it is a lot of fun. They even make you crawl. Panic Attack! So fun! Nightmare’s Gate Hospital is the medical epicenter of an infectious disease that has No Cure, No Hope, and No Mercy! Something is spreading and the Doctors and Nurses are falling victim to it’s horrific effects. Patients are overpowering Orderlies, and Priests are turned from the path of compassion to outright ridicule. Dr McGavock from the CDC is battling both the infection and the infected with the best of modern medicine and the most barbaric of treatments ever devised by man. Don’t let them touch you as you navigate the twist and turns of Nightmare’s Gate! Will you be a survivor… Or a statistic?

5. Fear The Woods- (http://fearthewoods.com ) This haunt consist of three different features: The Haunted House, a place where all your psychological fears are revealed; the Haunted Trail, where you have to find your way back after being dropped off in the middle of the woods and corn with the skinner family; and Pandemic, our NEW 8,000 square foot interactive, competitive, combat field where your skills determine your fate.

6. Paranoia Haunted House – (http://www.paranoiahauntedhouse.com) Looking for a fun place to do your haunted “housing” this year? Paranoia Haunt is located close to Atlanta, GA and is a must experience this year. People of all walks of life love getting the life scared out of them. There are two different haunted houses here, Blood Factory and Infectious.

7.Talmadge Brothers Funeral Home Haunt– (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Talmadge-Brothers-Funeral-Home-and-Casket-Company/137937482950159) In Jasper GA.

8. Gates of Misery –(http://gatesofmisery.com)-  Gates of Misery, formerly Haunting of the Seven Hills, is filled with torture, torment, zombies, and cannibals. See schedule. In Rome, Ga.

9. Scream on the Trail – (http://www.screamonthetrail.com)- Scream on the Trail is an outdoor trail that is full of startles and hardcore scares, Scream on the Trail full terror is not recommended for the easily scared….  Have kids or easily scared? Make sure to ask the gatekeeper for the kiddie scare version! This one was creepy cuz it was somebodies house and yard I thought they were going to really kill us.

10. Bloodwood Trail– (http://www.bloodwoodtrail.com)- 196 Painter Rd. Rome Ga, 30165. 

11. Containment Hiram Haunted House– (https://www.facebook.com/containmenthiram?fref=ts) 52 Railroad St Hiram, Georgia.

12. Folklore Haunted House– (https://www.facebook.com/folklorehauntedhouse?fref=ts)- 5389 N Main St, Acworth, Georgia.

13. Escape the Woods– (https://www.escapewoods.com)- You and your team will have 1 hour to escape an abandoned cabin buried deep in the woods before the time runs out. This is not just any cabin… the owner of the cabin has been studying serial killers his whole miserable life and he wants to make you his first victims. To escape before he gets home you will need to explore his cabin, solve clues, and decipher his locks. This game is designed for adults only and is not for the faint of heart. Warning this will not be for the faint of heart.

14. Zombie Farms– (http://www.zombiefarms.com)- Zombie Farms is a 1/2 mile walk through dark and spooky woods filled with zombies and other characters who will scare you, entertain you, and sometimes even make you laugh. This year they are offering a “Behind the Masque” tour for those who want that little something extra!  For an extra fee, a personal tour guide takes you through the back side of the event, so you can watch some scares and even participate in one!  You can ask questions about how it all works and get to see Actor Camp where actors get ready for each performance and take breaks.

15. Dread Hollow in Lookout Valley– (http://www.hauntedcavern.com)- The nightmare knows no boundaries for the 14th year as Ruby Falls joins Fear Connection for the annual Haunted Cavern, this year at Dread Hollow – a brand new location bringing 20,000 feet of intense scare factors, less wait times, new characters, sliders and two separate haunts! Haunted Cavern is one of the area’s best haunted attractions listed #4 on Buzzfeed’s national haunt list and a 2016 top haunt by the Haunted Attraction Association.

16. Sinister Suites– (http://sinistersuites.comhttp://sinistersuites.com)- Built in 1910 in Downtown Griffin GA, the Sinister Suites Hotel of Horror is a gruesome dark production. A terrifying 5 story 60,000 square foot walk through of the most unfathomable horrors. It’s an experience we DO NOT recommend, especially for those with a faint constitution. This is a mind altering and traumatic event.

17. Terror Mills– (https://www.facebook.com/terrormills/)

img_3813
Me as Martin the Crow Killer

Now lets talk about fun activities and events:

1. Anime Weekend Atlanta -(Sept. 28th – Oct.1st) – (http://www.awa-con.com)- is a four-day Japanese Animation and comics convention held annually in Atlanta, Georgia. Go get your costumes there!

2. Georgia State Fair – (Sept. 29th- Oct.8th) – (http://www.georgiastatefair.org) – See you at the State Fair!

3. Stone Mountain Pumpkin Festival– (Sept. 29th – Oct 29th- Friday through Sunday only) – http://www.stonemountainpark.com/events/Pumpkin-Festival.aspx) “ONLY OPEN WEEKENDS. Make family memories this fall season at Stone Mountain Park’s 11th annual Pumpkin Festival. Enjoy fun-filled games and family shows such as “Pumpkinpalooza,” scavenger hunts and the Pumpkin Mash at the Mayor’s Rockin Costume Party.”

5. Walker Stalker Con– Oct. 27th- Oct. 29th (http://www.walkerstalkercon.com) ZOMBIE, HORROR & SCI-FI FAN CONVENTION.

6. Capturing The Spirit of Oakland Halloween Tour– (http://www.oaklandcemetery.com/?event=capturing-the-spirit-of-oakland-halloween-tours)(Oct. 20th- 22nd, Oct 26- 28th). Take a look at a video.

7. Little 5 Points Halloween Parade – (Sat. Oct. 21st)- (www.l5phalloween.com)- I have been in the Halloween parade for about 5 years now and it’s so much fun to dress up and walk down the streets of Little 5 Points in a creepy costume. Not to be missed, and if you can be in it then get in it! Watch here:

8. Fernbank BOO-seum  (TBD)- (http://www.fernbankmuseum.org/visit/calendar-of-events/fernbank-boo-seum-trick-or-treat/) Follow the screams of excitment to Fernbank BOO-seum for a day of frightening-ly fun Halloween-themed activities including treats for kids in costume, games, music and more.

9. Marys Hallo-Weenie Party- (Friday Oct. 29th)- (marysatlanta.com) For a good time on Halloween call “Marys” it’s a cool place to go. They make Halloween a big deal and have the most outlandish costumes at any club or bar I have ever seen. I always take my ass by there in October.

 

10. Boo at the Zoo –(Weekends in Oct.)- (https://zooatlanta.org/event/boo-at-the-zoo-2017/) Atlanta’s favorite fun family Halloween festival returns

11.  Monsterama – (Sept 29-Oct. 1st) (http://monsteramacon.com)-is an Atlanta convention that celebrates the fantastic in film, literature, and art.

12. Six Flags Horror Nights– (Sept. 24th – Oct. 31st) – () Go ride some rides while getting attacked by monsters!!!!

13. Midtown Halloween- (Oct. 27th 7:00pm) – (http://www.atlantabartours.com/events/event/midtown-halloween/) Dress up for a night of fantasy and mischief on at the Midtown Halloween block party. Atlanta’s Largest Halloween Party with 2000+ over the last 5 years takes over all of Midtown until 3am! Make sure you get your picture taken for the $1000 Costume Contest at the photo booth.

14. Halloween Night in the Highlands– (Oct. 28th 6:00ppm)-  (http://www.atlantabartours.com/events/event/halloween-night-in-the-highlands-5/) Halloween night when freaks, ghouls, zombies and goblins wear very little and scare you at parties.
Prepare yourself for a crazy Halloween in the Virginia Highlands!

15. Plaza Theater Screening-  Plaza announces two Halloween series this October !!!!! Every Thursday in October at 10pm the Thursday night Massacre series, featuring just slasher films. This year’s month long Halloween Series is : John Carpenter’s Halloween Horrors!

Times here: http://plazaatlanta.com

Sept. 9th – Suspiria

Oct. 5th – Halloween

Oct. 12th – Demons

Oct. 19th – Suspiria

Oct. 26th – Night of the Living Dead

16. Goth Night at Marys– (TBD) ()- It’s time to be grimly fiendish. Bring on the dancing headless horses, dress to depress, and join us in ringing in our favorite time of the year.

17. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Plaza Theatre)  (TBD) (https://www.facebook.com/lipsdownondixie/?fref=ts)

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18. Women in Horror Film Fest(Sept. 21-24) (http://www.wihff.com)  A unique festival, dedicated to showcasing independent female writers and filmmakers who have dedicated their craft to this genre. The fest will be held at the beautiful Crowne Plaza Hotel & Conference Center in Peachtree City, GA, nestled between legendary Pinewood Studios Atlanta and Raleigh Studios (home of AMC’s The Walking Dead).

19. Atlanta Symphony Orchestra- The Nightmare Before Christmas- (Oct. 27th)– They will score the movie live. Link for tickets.

http://www.box-officetickets.com/Events/Classical-Tickets/Atlanta-Symphony-Orchestra-Nightmare-Before-Christmas/2334176?&gclid=Cj0KCQjw0ejNBRCYARIsACEBhDOSLkJaT-9iNrsRIHtk0bzERDGutnitohqMaHzm-eKf5pe0q5iAw_oaAlGREALw_wcB

mg_3870
Me as a Swamp Witch

Where to get makeup and costumes!

1. Norcostco Atlanta Costume – (https://www.facebook.com/norcostco.costume)

2. Costumes Etc. – (http://www.costumes-etc.com)

3. Eddie’s Trick Shop- (http://www.eddiestrickshop.com/)

4. Sprit Halloween- (http://www.spirithalloween.com)

5. Halloween Headquarters- (http://atlhalloweenhq.com)

6. Halloween Express- (http://www.halloweenexpress.com)

 

What’s coming soon to a theater near you! 

Sept. 8th- It

Sept. 15th- Mother! 

Sept. 29th- Flatliners, Don’t Sleep

Sept. 13th- Happy Death Day

Sept. 26th- Jeepers Creepers 3

Oct.27th – Jigsaw

 

What’s coming soon to a TV!

Here is a list of Classic movies on TCM! Commercial free TOO!

https://thoughtcatalog.com/emily-madriga/2017/09/here-are-all-the-horror/

screen-shot-2017-09-16-at-4-08-36-pm.png

What’s coming out on Blu Ray.

Sept. 12th- It Comes at Night

Sept. 19th – Close Encounters of the Third Kind 4K

Oct. 3rd -American Horror Story- Roanoke, Cult of Chucky, Children of the Corn

Oct. 10th- The Poughkeepsie Tapes

Oct. 17th– Fire Walk With Me

6291498751_1ae27daa67_b
                        Me as Afro Demon

Now lets talk about what’s fun to watch in October.

Here is my top 31 list: https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2010/09/14/my-top-25-horror-films-i-enjoy-watching-during-halloween/

1. Halloween (1978) – The best horror film of all time because John Carpenter is gold. I thanked him once for the joy he brought to my life.

2. The Fog (1980)– A John Carpenter classic, everything about this film is brilliant to me even the score. Scary, moody, spooky and tense.

3. Trick ‘r Treat– This film is incredible and should be a staple film to watch on Halloween. You will learn a lot about the Halloween season in this film. Do yourself a favor buy this film today. Do not rent it, buy it!

4. Halloween II (1981) – A sequel that made me scared BLEEPless of hospitals and was just as fun to watch as the first.

5. The House of the Devil– This throw back to the 80′s is gold and it’s quiet, moody, scary and satanic. Watch it and you will be spooked. The Director Ti West knows what he is doing.

6. The Return of the Living Dead– The best zombie movie ever made, and some of my favorite dialogue in film period. Amazing soundtrack too.

7. Hellraiser– Humans are the bad guys in this amazing horror love story. Watch it for the love or the gore.

8. The Conjuring– This haunted house movie is spooky as fuck. Check it out on a dark Halloween night.

9. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master– My favorite of the Freddy/ Nightmare films. The teens are BLEEPIN incredible in this film, and you will wish you could hang with Freddy when it’s over.

10. The Descent– This film made me jump twice. I don’t ever jump in movies. The plot is simple and brilliant and gave me a panic attack. Watch this film with all the lights off.

10700376_10152813748789819_2615258126647510080_o
Me as The Ghost of ZEN TUO

Here’s a list of kids Halloween movies:

1. The Halloween Tree – Learn about the season of Halloween in this kids adventure written by Ray Bradbury.

2. It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown– Ummm its Charlie Brown.

3. The Fat Albert Halloween Special– I LOVE FAT ALBERT!

4. ParaNorman– A fun and relevant movie about being different, zombies, ghosts, and witches. It’s incredible.

5.. The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad This film feels like Halloween.

6. Monster House– Kid creepy and fun.

7. Mad Monster Party?– Party with monsters that have the voices of Boris Karloff and Phyllis Diller.

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Domo Arigato 70’s Roboto!

How about some spooky scores to scare the neighbors with or to chill with:

1. “The Fog” music by John Carpenter– This music will scare any trick or treater.

2. “Poltergeist” music by Jerry Goldsmith– Carol Anne’s theme is the ultimate spooky jam. One of Jerry’s best scores.

3. “Amityville Horror” music by Lalo Schifrin– Horror music based on a true story. Count me in.

4. “Halloween” music by John Carpenter–  You can never go wrong with Carpenter cuts.

5. “A Nightmare on Elm Street” music by Charles Bernstein– When I was kid this score was playing in a line at Six Flags and scared the hell out of me. Shut up it was dark!

6. “It Follows” music by Rich Vreeland– This is electronic gold, and it’s an amazing throw back to Carpenter and Bernstein.

7. “The Conjuring” music by Joseph Bishara– This shit is scary as fuck.

     Xanadoug from the planet Zatarain!

“Dunkirk” or “Get Off That Beach or Bust” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Dunkirk“. Okay this is a Chris Nolan movie so except this shit to be real as fuck! It is real as fuck. So the film starts off with some soldiers walking down the street quietly for a second then they starting getting shot at. That’s about the only time you are not stressed out during the whole fucking movie. It’s World War II and British soldiers and French Soldiers are surrounded by the German army in Dunkirk. They are trying to be evacuated but Germany has them pinned down on the beach. It’s a stressful nightmare. The main character Tommy tries every way he knows to get off that fucking beach but can’t seem to get out of there. Boats are blown up, planes are being shot out of the sky and even Harry Styles from One Direction can’t even help his ass. It really is fucked up. In the end you realize war is hell etc.

Okay this movie is great and feels real as fuckkkkk! Everything looks real and sounds real. You believe it all. Nothing looks like an over-the-top action movie like “Avengers” or whatever. You feel like you are there and trapped and are going to die. Even the dialogue is simple, short and to the point. There aren’t a lot of dramatic diatribes about love or war or getting home or whatever. In real life people are scared and aren’t chatting up a storm about boos they left behind. They are quiet and trying to survive and just get the fuck out. At one point Tommy is just trying to go to the bathroom! That’s as real as it’s every going to get. Honestly I’m not into war movies but this just feels like a slice of reality from a war. What a group of people went through to stay alive. So much. I bitched about washing a load of clothes last night. At least I didn’t have to fight my way to the washing machine. Meanwhile this film really does a great job letting you feel what the characters felt, by the end you are exhausted. It never felt forced or cheesy. The score by Hans Zimmer is great and really is half the films power. It’s something to see so go see it. You will dig it and might cry or throw up or want to go to a beach for a tan. Who knows?

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Christopher Nolan you give us some real shit. Batman Begins, The Prestige, The Dark Knight, Inception, The Dark Knight Rises, Memento, Interstellar, 

B. Fionn Whitehead was great and I hope his shit takes off. Can’t wait to see him in more.

C. War is terrible. I feel bad because I was bitching about being too tired to wash clothes that day.

D. Harry Styles you are great singer and you are good on-screen too. We love you bitch!

E. Hans Zimmer composed this score and it was amazing. Listen to this track and shit your pants.

F. Tom Hardy we love you. You give it to us!

G. You will be stressed out watching this movie.

H. Yes.

 

“War for the Planet of the Apes” or “These Monkeys Will Make You Cry” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “War for the Planet of the Apes“. Okay so this is part 3 of this set of monkey tales. Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes were first.  The movie starts off a few years after the last film and Caesar is in the middle of a war with the humans. The human Woody Harrelson is in charge of the military and he hates all the monkeys and is out to kill Caesar. Caesar and his friends are trying to live in the woods in peace and have babies. Shit hits the fan and Caesar, Maurice, Rocket and a Gorilla all go on a road trip to find Woody to kill his ass. Along the way they meet some news friends and learn there is a monkey prison. Shit is nuts. In the end they are in a fight for their lives to survive and find happiness from the humans on a monkey hill.

Okay so this film is amazing, epic, sad, dark, depressing, and real as fuck. I loved it. It’s a war movie, a Western, a journey film, a Prison Break, a Drama, and an Sci-Fi Action film all rolled up into one. Andy Serkis as Caesar is insane. He is so good in that CGI ape suit it will make you fuckin dizzy. Honestly give him all the awards. Those CGI apes give you more emotion than Sandra Bullock’s entire career. You are crying all through this fucking movie. It doesn’t “Look” real. It is real now! It really is all about the apes this time and their struggle to find happiness. You really want it for them too. Humans are assholes. Even the sympathetic ones suck. Which I loved. They really try to show you that humanity is ugly as hell and that they deserved what they got in the end. Great Science Fiction always does. There were even cool moments were Woody didn’t even explain shit to Caesar because in real life he wouldn’t because he views him as just an animal. Why would he. Maurice had my ass crying! They got me bitch! The score by Giacchino is the best in this new series of ape films. He really is a great composer. These 3 films combined are amazing and I have loved all these characters in them and this last movie was amazing and depressing as fuck. It really felt like “Watership Down” at the end. Which is one of my favorite movies ever made. You will love this movie and you will cry watching that fucker. Go see this movie now. I want to see it again.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Andy Serkis plays Caesar and is incredible and need an Oscar now!

B. Directed by Matt Reeves (FelicityMiraclesCloverfieldLet Me InDawn of the Planet of the ApesWar for the Planet of the ApesThe Batman (pre-production)) His shit is great. 

C. Woody Harrelson did a good job in this film even though I am not a big fan.

D. Maurice was played by Karin Konoval and he is my favorite character. The movement and the animation is incredible. My mind is blown.

E. Bad Ape was great and funny and you will love him.

F. Nova is in this movie!!!!!!! She grows up to be NOVA!

G. Michael Giacchino you are brilliant! Here is a selection. Listen!

H. Me and Max at the movie crying.

I. The poster is amazing.