Here is my review for “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice“. Okay let me just say first that I love the DC characters over the Marvel ones. I love these bitches. So it was excited to see all 3 of them jumping around on-screen punching shit for the first time together. Don’t get me wrong the Marvel movie are structurally sound and made well, I really just don’t know that world because I don’t read comic books. I watch the cartoons. Yes bitch the cartoons.
Okay so this time everyone on Earth, including Batman, is pissed off at Superman for knocking over all those buildings in part 1 (Man of Steel ). Everybody is like is he a god or isn’t he. Superman and Lois are a couple now and he is saving her mumbling ass from terrorists and such and while also spilling water all over the floor from their bathtub. Meanwhile Batman is on a mission to kill Superman and find some other stuff out that I’m not sure about. Then Lex Luther shows up and he owns Google or something and is crazy and repeats shit. He doesn’t like Superman either. So he invites Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman to a party to have drinks and snacks. They stand around looking pretty and hack a computer in the kitchen. Later Lex decides to make a monster called Doomsday to do something and also he manipulates Superman into fighting Batman. We find out that their mothers have the same names (Martha Haha) and all is forgiven, but shit here comes Doomsday and now Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman pop off and we finally get to see them fight the bad guy in a big battle sequence. They keep cutting to Lois and running the action. In the end the shit hits the fan and if the director had done his job we would have felt emotion for the characters when sad shit happened to them see “Man of Steel” problems. Now we are ready for the Justice League movie! No end credit surprises either.
Okay so yes, I did have fun watching this movie, I love Wonder Woman coming out and beating shit down. Gal Gadot was great as both Wonder Woman and Diana Prince. She was the best part. Ben was cool as Batman I mean there have been so many Batman movies how could you fuck that up. You know exactly what to do now. The Batman character gets on my nerves though, because get over it. Your parents are dead move on. Grow up Hot Topics. I feel like Henry Cavill is a good and emotional actor, but he is not given anything to do or say of importance. It’s like the director (Zack Synder) doesn’t understand the character at all. It’s okay that this bitch is a nerd and goodie-goodie. Just write him that way with shit to say. Save a cat in a tree or something fuck. Jesse Eisenberg is way too much. His nervous twitches are laughable and you are like ummmm what is talking about now? Amy Adams as Lois Lane is literally useless and a mumbling dummy. She is just filler that should have been deleted. Give that time to a stronger female character liker Wonder Woman or Mercy. Hell anybody. Give to Zod’s dead body.
The Plot made more sense to me than I thought it was going to. Meaning why Superman and Batman are fighting to begin with. I honestly thought they were just going to start fighting for no reason at all. Haha. The problem with the film is that it feels like multiple movies crushed into one. So it’s too much going on. It’s like you took 3 movies and picked your favorite scenes from those films and crammed all that shit into one movie. So sometimes the scenes don’t connect to one another well at all. It feels messy and confusing. You will be asking yourself. Wait why is he doing that? or Why is she going there? Is this a flashback or flash forward? etc. It’s sloppy writing. There were some future Justice League character surprises in the movie also, and that was pretty cool. They really want you on board for more films. So they throw them at you. That was something to get excited about.
I mean I love these DC characters so I really did have fun watching them running around in this bat shit crazy movie. This movie is a lot and it’s messy for sure. Shit doesn’t make sense at times but I did like the action scenes and Wonder Woman. I really am excited for her own movie though that is directed by someone else. Will you love “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice“? No. You will probably have fun and roll your eyes and say “Do what now?” I still liked it in the end and was happy when Wonder Woman’s ass came sliding out. If you do check it out then don’t be surprised because you have seen Zack Snyder’s other films. If you are surprised then you are the fool. Did you forget “Man of Steel” and “Sucker Punch” bitch??????
A. Zack Snyder well I don’t know what to say. I’m entertained by some of his films. I loved “Dawn of the Dead” and “Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole“. They had some emotion. The rest of his work feels like action scenes pieced together for a greatest hits Youtube video. I feel like he doesn’t like Superman, but loves Batman. He doesn’t get what a goodie-goodie guy does, but he gets what an angry Generation-X Batman does. He is not bad a director, but one who just puts his movies together like montages of his favorites scenes. If that makes sense at all. (Dawn of the Dead, 300, Watchmen, Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole, Sucker Punch, Man of Steel, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, The Justice League Part One and Two.
B. I wished we knew Superman more in these movies. It feels like the Director doesn’t like the character and doesn’t know what to do with him or what to get him to say. I feel like we have no emotion for him and it’s not Henry Cavill‘s fault and he is standing there crying. I wished I cared for Superman but we don’t give a shit at all.
C. Ben Affleck was good as Batman and you can tell Zack really likes the character of Batman. I mean re-watch “Watchmen”. Pissed off superheroes that shop at Hot Topics.
Literally his face the whole movie.
D. I loved Wonder Woman in this and can’t wait to see her in her own movie. Gal Gadot did a good job for the brief time she was in this movie, but I am excited to see more of her now. She also looked good as Diana Prince too.
E. The score (Hans Zimmer and Junkie XL) was not as good as Man of Steel which was an amazing score. This one felt generic and Lex’s them was hokey as fuck! Literally the best track was the one for Wonder Woman. “Is she with you?” Here it is.
F. I like Amy Adams in other movies but she is weak as fuck as Lois Lane. I hate her in these movies because she is mumbling and limp as fuck. She is supposed to be a hard-hitting journalist dealing with Terrorists and I can’t even hear her ass. She is Mumbling to bad guys “I’m a journalist”. She should have been slapped. They had the chance to make a strong female character and you made a mumbling white dumb dumb. She throws a staff in a water hole, then has to go back and get it and while Superman is fighting the bad guy her ass is drowning and he has to go save her ass again. This damsel in distress shit is old news. I would say “Hey Lois stay your ass at home your creating more work for me to do I am literally exhausted”. She is useless.
G. Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luther is a mess and hokey as fuck. I’m fine with him running Google or whatever, but his nervous twitches are terrible and his lines are the worst. This red cape circling shit and the oldest lie in America crap. Who cares? Fuck you. Holly Hunter should have punched him in the dick.
H. Here is a video where Ben and Henry are answering questions about the bad reviews for the movie. haha
I. About Superman and Batman’s rivalry. Honestly I am sick of Batman bitching about his dead parents. You were 10 or some shit get passed it. I know people with dead parents and they okay. Plus Superman’s whole goddamn race is dead and his planet. If I was superman I would fly to Batman’s crib and destroy it, chop off Alfred’s head then fly back to the fight with Batman. There I would throw Alfred’s head down at his feet and say “I killed your goddamn waiter bitch and leveled your mansion you privileged rich white bitch now come at me, and yes bitch I am going to tear your human ass out of that tin can bat shit suit”. Then we would have fought. They should have just banged though.
K. Literally every critic hates this movie. WOW! Just hates! I think people started hating it when they heard the title. I don’t even know what to call it when talking about it.
L. So gritty. Haha
I a saw statistic the other day and it made me sad as fuck. Sad because the world is missing out on some amazing and talented people. I was lucky enough to grow up around all kinds of people and shit half my family is from Puerto Rico. So I just tried to know everyone. Maybe I didn’t understand everything or everyone growing up but I tried to listen and know where people are coming from and even going. That’s what everyone should be doing. Anyway I thought about all the Asian actors I love and I wanted to make a list so maybe it gets people talking about this Hollywood problem below. I want to make an African American list also. Maybe people are just unaware and are not seeing or listening to the problem. They could also just be racist but I am trying to be positive bitch.
Anyway here is a list of the actors I genuinely love and wish were in more movies and shows. Some have passed away but I still watch their old movies all the time. I feel like things are changing, but it’s a slow change.
1. Victor Wong– I loved him. He has passed away and the day he died I was sad. He was smart, funny and real. He was a true star. Big Trouble in Little China, The Golden Child, The Last Emperor, Prince of Darkness, Tremors, 3 Ninjas, Seven Years in Tibet.
2. James Hong– A brilliant actor, and I met him once and he was so funny. He has done so many films and TV shows and cartoons. He worked his ass off and is amazing and is a star to me. It’s sad the world may not know who he even is. Godzilla, King of the Monsters! uncredited voice, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., I Dream of Jeannie, Mission: Impossible, Chinatown, Hawaii Five-O, Kung Fu, Wonder Woman, Maude, Charlie’s Angels, Hart to Hart, Airplane!, Fantasy Island, Blade Runner, Dynasty, Tales from the Darkside, The A-Team, Big Trouble in Little China, The Golden Child, Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, Hunter, MacGyver, Doogie Howser, M.D., Wayne’s World 2, Tank Girl, The X-Files, Friends, Millennium, Charmed, Alias, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Chill Out, Scooby-Doo!, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated, Archer, R.I.P.D. , Key and Peele, Mike Tyson Mysteries, Regular Show, Kung Fu Panda 3 and so many more.
3. Michelle Yeoh– Someone who can act and fight and is beautiful! I love her and always. I once heard her say she slept with her fighting stick at night while filming a movie so that it would be a part of her. Amazing. Super cop 2, Tomorrow Never Dies, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Kung Fu Panda 2, Marco Polo, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny, The Soong Sisters.
4. Chiaki Kuriyama– When I first saw her she was in Battle Royale! I almost died and fell out of my chair. She was incredible. Then later Kill Bill: Vol. 1. She was a star as GO GO. She has went on to do many TV series and movies in Japan. She is amazing.
5. Lucy Liu is all things! I love her. Beverly Hills, 90210, The X-Files, Charlie’s Angels the best!, Ally McBeal, Chicago, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, Kill Bill: Vol. 1 give her an Oscar, Elementary, Girls.
6. Dennis Dun– Umm I wanted to be him. I thought he was cool as shit. Partners in Crime, Big Trouble in Little China,The Last Emperor, Prince of Darkness, Grace Under Fire, Warriors of Virtue, The Nanny, The Bernie Mac Show.
8. Byung-hun Lee– I love him in movies and he is a big deal and should be. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, I Saw the Devil, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, RED 2, Terminator Genisys, The Magnificent Seven, I Come with the Rain, Hero.
9. Jet Li– He will kill you. I love it. Once Upon a Time in China, The New Legend of Shaolin, Black Mask, Lethal Weapon 4 (even though this movie is terrible and racist), Romeo Must Die, Kiss of the Dragon, The One, Hero, Cradle 2 the Grave, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor,The Expendables 2, The Expendables 3
11. Ken Jeong– Honestly one of the funniest people ever. MADtv, The Office, Pineapple Express, The Hangover ( the best thing in these movies), American Dad!, The Hangover Part II, Transformers: Dark of the Moon (literally the only good thing in this movie), The Muppets, Mary Shelley’s Frankenhole, Despicable Me 2, Bob’s Burgers, Community, Ride Along 2, Dr. Ken, Killing Hasselhoff.
13. Randall Park– Comedy gold! MADtv, Nick Cannon Presents: Short Circuitz, Ikea Heights, Supah Ninjas, Neighbors, Robot Chicken, The Interview, Newsreaders, Trainwreck, Community, Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, The Night Before, Fresh Off the Boat, Childrens Hospital, Dismissed
14. Margaret Cho– She has always been funny and me laugh and had the first Asian sit-com. All-American Girl. It was so funny too, but didn’t last longer than a season.😦 Face/Off, Sex and the City, Falling for Grace, Rick & Steve the Happiest Gay Couple in All the World, Ghost Whisperer, Drop Dead Diva, Dr. Ken, Family Guy, Alaska Is a Drag.
15. Ken Watanabe He has been in a lot of cool movies and if don’t know him I bet you will recognize him and he is amazing in everything. Batman Begins, The Last Samurai, Memoirs of a Geisha, Shanghai , Unforgiven, Godzilla, Inception, Letters from Iwo Jima, The Sea of Trees
16. Jackie Chan he has been in so many movies it’s nuts. The world knows him! The Cannonball Run, Cannonball Run II, Police Story 2, Supercop 2, Mr. Nice Guy, Rush Hour, Around the World in 80 Days, Kung Fu Panda, Rush Hour 4, The Karate Kid 2.
17. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa I love him!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is always a bad guy but a great one. He was Shang Tsung!!!!!! Big Trouble in Little China, Licence to Kill, Baywatch, Mortal Kombat, The Phantom, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Poltergeist: The Legacy, Memoirs of a Geisha, Hawaii Five-0,Mortal Kombat: Legacy, 47 Ronin,
19. Harry Shum Jr. He was Mike Chang on Glee. He was also on The LXD: The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers. Now he has moved on to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny and Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments. He is moving up in the world and is a great dancer.
20. Lucille Soong You will know her as the grandmother from Fresh Off the Boat but she has been in a lot of things and I love her. Desperate Housewives, The Sarah Silverman Program, Sky High, Freaky Friday, Dharma & Greg, Passions, The Joy Luck Club, Emergency-Ward 10
21. Steven Yeun He is on one of the biggest shows on TV right now. The Walking Dead. I met him once at 3am in t a haunted hotel and pretended not to know who he was. He was really a nice a guy and talked to me about ghosts.
22. Yayan Ruhian– He is also amazing in The Raid movies and can fight like nothing I have ever seen. I just bought the Star Wars figure for him. The Raid: Redemption, The Raid 2, Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens
My review for “Pee-wee’s Big Holiday“. Okay so I love Pee-wee Herman I feel like he has taught us a lot about how to be ourselves and to just like what we want to in life and be happy about that shit. He is a national mother fucking treasure. That being said I was excited about a new movie with him in it. So this movie starts of with Pee-wee living in a happy town and living his life day-to-day but with the same old routine. He is content in his life until a stranger shows in town named Joe Manganiello. Joe teaches him that there is a big world out there and that he needs to go explore it. To go take a vacation/holiday and at the end of it come to his birthday party in New York. Now Pee-wee’s heads on a cross-country adventure. Pee-wee meets female bank robbers, salesman, farmers, Amish people, and even hair dressers. All to try to get to his new best friends Joe’s Birthday party. In Pee-wee’s world friendship is very important and also being open-minded to all that he encounters. In the end friendship and happiness is what matters the most. Okay so I loved this movie. I laughed all through it and Pee-wee is still Pee-wee but in 2016 sort of way. Yes, it is nostalgic in ways but it’s not “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure“. Meaning it’s not a Tim Burton film and does not have the same writers that were in 1985. It’s just different and fun in its own way. It still has all the crazy over-the-top characters, shade and emotion that I love from Pee-wee. It’s a story about living and getting out there and doing shit, meeting new people and being opened to them and their lives. Pee-wee has always been about this though. Always having honesty about himself and his friendship with others. It really is fun and a funny film and you will enjoy watching it. I have watched it a few times and I have laughed each time. I will buy it on Blu Ray and I hope they will make more. Pee-wee forever. We love you and you taught us so much in life. Now go watch this on NETFLIX now!
C. Pee-wee gets his hair did by these amazing hair dressers.
E. Joe Manganiello was a nice touch in this and the only star cameo. I love his and Pee-wee’s friendship and it doesn’t come across silly or forced.
F. I love this homage to “Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!“. They were amazing.
H. Pee-wee’s Big Adventure is literally a classic and a brilliant film to this day. Go watch it after you watch BIG HOLIDAY.
I. Cute as hell.
BRAND NEW MUSIC VIDEO! “FUCK YOU SKINNY WHITE BITCH” from our film Satanic Panic 2: Battle of the Bands. Coming to the internet March 27th! Get ready to have your skinny white asses handed to you by the band WHEN TEMPERS FLARE! Starring Christina Boland, Sasha Brown, Emma Dickerson, and Laura Ross! PLEASE SHARE We have been sining this song in our heads since we were little. Also this is based on a true story. Haha Yes we made this.
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Here is my review for “10 Cloverfield Lane“. Okay so this a sequel to “Cloverfield” (2008) but you really don’t have to see the first to see this one. Also this film is not a found footage film. Just so you know. Okay so this film starts off with Michelle who has broken up with her boyfriend and leaving town. She ends up getting into a car accident and waking up in John Goodman’s doomsday bunker. It is sealed up tight too. John tells her the end has come and that he saved her life. Now the real craziness begins. Has the end really come, or is he nuts? Are there Cloverfield monsters outside? Will she get out? It’s honestly non-stop action and tension the whole time. It’s cat and mouse bitch. Michelle (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is one of the toughest and smartest female characters ever. You can’t stop her ass. I would have given up 15 minutes into the movie. Her fuckin ass don’t quit! John Goodman is creepy as fuck one minute and lovable the next. They are both great with each other. This movie is straight up Twilight Zone and you will love watching it because you will not get bored once. The ending is crazy as fuck and there were these ladies in front of me in the theater that were basically standing up and screaming by the end. The score by Bear McCreary will keep you excited as well. Go see it if you want that crazy thrill ride. I will buy this bitch on Blu Ray and I hope they make more.
A. Mary Elizabeth Winstead (The Returned, A Good Day to Die Hard, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, The Thing Prequel, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Ramona Flowers, Grindhouse– Lee, Black Christmas, Final Destination 3, Sky High, The Ring Two) Was great in this movie and literally was the toughest/smartest female character I have seen in a while. She didn’t stop fighting once. Mary’s background has been a lot of horror movies. So you will recognize her face from that.
B. John Goodman sells it in this movie and he is lovable and creepy as fuck at the same time.
C. Directed by Dan Trachtenberg who has basically only made short films. I can’t wait to see what he does next.
F. Bradley Cooper was the voice of Ben on the phone. Cray cray.
Here is my review for “The Witch“. I have been waiting and waiting to see this movie for a while so I was excited. There has been a lot of horror buzz on this witch bitch. So here we go!!!!! The film takes place in New England, 1630 and there ain’t shit out there but a house that looks like a barn, busted candles, bootleg corn and creepy ass woods. So you will die from an all wheat diet. The movie is about this family that is kicked out of Fort Jesus and they have to go out and make it on their own. So they build a barn house and try to grow some corn. Little do they know but the woods are full of ugly ass naked witches with titties hanging out that love eating babies. Shit hits the fan when the children start looking at each other with that incest eye, because there is no internet or neighbors and the devil is lurking about. Their pet goat, Black Phillip, is dancing around with the twin kids and fucking shit up. Witches are running around on the roof of their crib. The corn is trashed. Rabbits are throwing them demonic shade! Their 12-year-old son is getting felt up by the neighborhood hags and walking around nude as fuck. The mom is just a bitch and just ugly. It’s a Satanic witchy playground and only 4 bales of hay are invited. Okay so I loved this movie. Yes, it’s creepy and fucked up etc. If you are looking for jump scares there aren’t any. It’s all build up. So at times it’s quiet and dialogue driven (Old English- Not everything is 2016 American English on Earth). Which is great. Then witchy satanic shit happens and you are like OH HELL NO BITCH get away from that goat. I can see why Satanists like this movie Haha. They give you that old witch tale shit. You know, the real evil witch stories. Not the Wizard of Oz bullshit. The ones that are naked hags and eating babies and shit, then they deal with Satan and such. Yes, Wiccans we all know this is not real, it’s a movie, chill out. The witches in this movie are generally scary and the ending is amazing. The kids are amazing and creepy in the their own way and have an incesty vibe thing going on which creeps you out too. Even one of the kids gets turnt out by a witch and possessed and has some kind of orgasmic bed scene. You are like WHAT THE FUCK, but it really adds to all the amazing scariness to the film. Because you are like UMMMMMM WHAT THE FUCK! It really is a great horror movie and you should see it. Just don’t be expecting chase scenes or shit jumping out at you. It’s scary on another level. Scary means a lot of things to a lot of people. Just go see it with an open mind. Just remember it’s a low budget period horror film. That’s pretty amazing. It’s not a “Saw” movie. The demon goat Black Phillip is amazing also. You will love him and see him in your room later that night! I did! RUN! I will see this movie again and buy it.
The Witchy Facts:
A. Written and Directed by Robert Eggers he has mainly done short films, but he is someone to watch out for.
B. BLACK PHILLP is the star of this movie. He is my hero and deserves best actor at the Oscars next year.
C. What’s interesting about this movie is that this story was probably told thousands of times to kids in the 1600’s by Christians to scare the shit out of them so they wouldn’t be bad etc. Now when people watch this movie they will say the Director or the film is evil or some weird ass shit. Saying it’s Satanic when Christians created these evil tales as a way of controlling people.
D. There were many witches in this movie and they were nasty and naked as fuck. They were the real deal and baby haters. YES! People are scared of horror movies where babies and kids are being hurt.
E. Here is what you could do for entertainment in 1630. Dinner by candlelight, corn, and getting possessed.
F. The Music was composed by Mark Korven (Cube) and it was great and scary. Think “The Omen” and “2001: A Space Odyssey” Monolith score. Without this creepy amazing score this movie wouldn’t have had the scary punch it delivered. You can listen to the score here and there is an interview with the composer also on this link.
This rabbit was not playing either.
G. The Satanic Temple supports this film haha read article below. Haha
H. A list of the top witches ever.
I. I dressed up as witch for Halloween in 2013.
J. The horror community is split on this film because they are saying it’s not scary. Which I assume means there aren’t jump scares and chase scenes. Maybe there is not enough witch screen time. It’s not really in your face and there is a lot of build up and character development. Not there is anything wrong with those types of horror movies either those are great and fun also. This one is just different. It takes place in 1630. The dialogue and language is different. It is supposed to be like the “The Crucible” and Salem Witch trials. Ya know like real witch shit in the time they were supposedly popping off, not the hokey kind of today. Maybe people just aren’t into period horror movies. I get where the director was coming from for sure. I hope that horror fans check this movie out and re-check it out. Horror films need critical wins. We all know horror movies make money but they can win Oscars too.
K. I want this poster.