“Maze Runner: The Death Cure” or “Thomas I’m Tired of Running Kill Me!” – my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Maze Runner: The Death Cure“. Thomas is back and his ass is still running and his ass is exhausted. Okay this is the 3rd The Maze Runner movie and also the last. It starts with a rescue attempt on some of the other runners that got captured in part 2! They fuck that up and have to go to some mega maze city to find them. There they run into Walton Goggins and a few other surprises also. It’s a fight to the finish over who lives and dies, and who has the cure for that sun shit they all have. In the end Dylan O’Brien wants to be an action star and they finally stop running and sit down on the beach. 

Okay so yes I do like all these movies. There is something fun about them to me. Are they super memorable? No, but they do have a lot of action in them and I do like the characters. I like Dylan O’Brien in these movies, but honestly he is more interesting and relatable when he is being funny or over-the-top like in “Teen Wolf”. I’m sure he wants to be a serious action star, but why not be a fun one with all these fight moves etc. He even runs and moves differently than other action stars. His shit is all over the place and unorganized, but that’s more believable and memorable. Shit ain’t perfect. Thomas Brodie-Sangster plays Newt and there is an internet thing about Thomas and Newt getting together called “NEWTMAS”. At times Newt kinda acts like he is into Thomas. I mean honestly they should have went that route. Fuck it. Even if Thomas wasn’t into it. Also I feel like they could have taken more time to get to know Newt too. He is talking here and there but it’s always the facts. He does get emotional at one point and we thought Newtmas was going to happen. They are cool and fun movies but they all seem to lack something. You just don’t feel so attached to them. It’s still a fun movie and if you love the other Maze Runner films you will love this one too. It has the most action in it and it didn’t look cheap either. They spent some money. Check it out!

The Trailer:

The Fasts:
A. Dylan O’Brien is a cool action star but could be even cooler if he wasn’t so serious. He is funny, let him be.

B. The same director made all 3 films, Wes BallHis life has pretty much been these movies.

C. Thomas Brodie-Sangster is cool in shit. I love him in these movies but I wish his character felt more real so we can feel more toward him.

D. Dylan got ran over by a car in this. “Due to Dylan O’Brien‘s injury during filming, which he sustained in March 2016, and his eventual recovery, the release date of the movie, originally slated for February 17th, 2017, was postponed to January 12th, 2018.” The film almost killed him.

E. Jacob Lofland as Aris was back in this movie. I would have been pissed if they just forgot about this emo bitch! 

F. Walton Goggins showed up and he was fucked up looking. He didn’t have a goddamn nose!

G. Newtmas happened. Right before they kissed.

H. I do love this poster.

“Insidious: The Last Key” or “Beep Beep, Who Got The Keys To The Jeep? A GHOST BITCH!” – my fucking review

Here is my review for “Insidious: The Last Key“. Elise Rainier is back and she has to deal with more ghosts and her family this time! This is the 4th Insidious movie but it’s another prequel, so that way we can still have Elise as the main character. She died in the first Insidious movie. She has literally been in all 4 movies, but honestly we love her and want her in them. Okay this time she has to deal with shit from her childhood and growing up. Things her and her brother witnessed and now as an adult she is back at their childhood home fucking shit up with her newly found nieces. Specs and Tucker are back and there are a bunch of ghosts and a few twists here and there too. In the end she tells a ghost to fuck off and learns that family is important. We also see everything come full circle and connect to Insidious part 1. I love that.

Okay so this movie is fun and I love Elise aka Lin Shaye she is amazing in these films and we have always loved her in anything. It’s just cool that she is 74 years old and the star of a huge horror movie franchise. I would buy an Elise doll. These movies really are like walking through a haunted house attraction and the ghosts jump out at you. You will be jumping and screaming watching it for sure. Is it super scary? No, but it is fun and spooky and if you love the Insidious movies it’s fun to see all 4 of them connect. Joseph Bishara composed the score to this one and all the Insidious films, so they sound/feel the same. If you watch all 4 films together it’s a fun long ride. Haha That being said I think I like part 1, then 2, then 4, then 3. In that order. So if you love the world of Insidious and ghosts and shit you will probably like this movie. I dug it and it was fun. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Lin Shaye is a horror hero. She is 74 and still giving it to you! We love you.

Lin was in A Nightmare on Elm Street  and

New Nightmare

B. Joseph Bishara Composed the score again and it was scary and he is great for these films.

C. Where is the key!

D. Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson are great and back as Specs and Tucker. 

E. Ummmm Where was she? I never saw her but she is in the trailer.


F. Directed by Adam Robitel (The Taking of Deborah Logan). This pic came up when I was looking for a pic of him. They said he is an up and coming LGBT director. 


G. That’s a lot of keys.

“The Shape of Water” or “Yes, He Has A Green Dick” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “The Shape of Water “. Okay so this movie starts off in the 1950’s with a lady named Elisa who is mute. She is single janitor and works in a top-secret government research base.  She is lonely as fuck and except for a gay neighbor and best friend Octavia Spencer, who is also a Janitor. One day at the base a water monster/ocean demon/creature from the black lagoon shows up to be experimented on by an evil Michael Shannon. He is mean to the creature and kicks it and shit. Meanwhile Elisa plays hit songs from the 50’s for it and give it eggs. Later Michael Shannon is like fuck this beast and the Govt. is too, so Elisa tries to help it. In the end Elisa falls in love with the water demon and then she end up banging it and flooding her apartment and her basement. We all learn that love goes beyond looks and species etc. 

Okay so this movie is a lot of fun and real cute. The water creature/god looks real as hell and you will love his skinny ass too. Sally Hawkins is great in the film and I do love the use of sign language too in the film. I liked Michael Shannon as an actor but he plays a bad guy a lot and it’s the same game. I mean yeah he makes a good bad guy and he is bad in this, etc. I love Octavia Spencer in anything but she feels ripped off in this. Like we have seen her play this part before. Give her something else she is amazing. She can do anything! Meanwhile the creature aka Doug Jones was so real and graceful and beautiful. They do describe his dick haha you don’t see it, even though everyone in the movie and world is wondering. Don’t lie asshole you are too. I mean they sleep together and you see Sally Hawkins  fully nude from head to toe, and she is even masturbating. They could have at least shown a green rubber ding-dong. Oh is that too much? Shut the fuck up. You see that Sally  for ass to elbow and you can’t show a green thing ding. Double standard shit. She can bare all and the male is covered up again in movies. Even when he is a goddamn monster or whatever. Anyway it’s a cute film about how people who are different can stick together and the 50’s were a real drag. Go check it out. If you love The Creature from the Black Lagoon and horror movies you will love this movie too.   

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Yes they had sex. Who wouldn’t have. Would you touch a green ding dong?

B. Guillermo del Toro (MimicBlade IIHellboyPan’s LabyrinthPacific Rim) made this film. Honestly this film is his best movie. His other stuff is okay.

C. He is trying to get a look at dat ass. Doug Jones played the Aqua dude. 

He also played Abe Sapien in Hellboy

He also plays Saru in Star Trek: Discovery

D. Sally Hawkins was great in this. She gave it to you, and to the water demon/god.

E. It was composed by Alexandre Desplat. (Moonrise KingdomThe Grand Budapest HotelGodzillaRise of the Guardians). It was cute.

A sample:

F. Basically Guillermo del Toro wanted to do a movie where the Creature from the Black Lagoon fell in love with and girl and then you see her boobies. Sorry kiddies. That’s what I think. He was a horror teen and he saw that movie and loved the creature and loved the girl. The End.

G. There has been talk about a short film looking like or ripping off the Shape of Water coming out in 2015. Here is a link to some info about it.  Guillermo del Toro says he just watched the short film the other day.




G. This poster is real pretty.


“I, Tonya” or “A Real American Hero” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “I, Tonya“. I heard there was a lot of cursing in this movie so I was excited to see this jam. Okay so this is the story of the Ice Skater Tonya Harding. Basically it’s her growing up white trash and poor, but loving to ice skate and getting beat by her mother. Then getting married and getting beat by her husband. All while training for the Olympics and trying to win at Ice Skating. People hate her because she was white trash and vulgar and had to make her own costumes. Also because she picked rock songs to skate to. Then one day her dumb ass body-guard and husband hired some dudes to go hit Nancy Kerrigan in the leg with a pipe. She didn’t know shit about it and it ruined her life and Ice Skating career. It really is fucked up! In the end dreams can’t come true.

Okay so this movie is really entertaining and I honestly learned a lot about Tonya. Her life was hard and she got ripped the fuck off. The dialogue is real and funny and fucked up. The script is the one thing that made sense in 2017. Margot Robbie plays Tonya and she was great. She sold the shit out of it and her costumes were amazing too. Even  Sebastian Stan was great as her abusive dumb ass husband. Allison Janney plays her mother and was incredible. She is an dickhead, but you love to hate her ass, or just love her. Whatever. Meanwhile Tonya is really the true story of an American Hero. She was beaten down and should and could have won all the shit, but people fucked her dream up. You really will be entertained watching this movie and you will laugh and be sad all at the same time. Go check it out. Filmed in Atlanta!!!! Tonya we are sorry we were all dicks to you!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Margot Robbie played Tonya Harding and she was great!  Look at her!

B. Directed by Craig Gillespie (Fright Night 2011, United States of TaraKid Cudi: No One Believes Me (Video short)) and filmed in Atlanta! 

C. Allison Janney played Tonya’s mom. She was fucking great! Her lines were amazing. 

D. Sebastian Stan played Jeff Gillooly I forgot it was him. He was that good.

E. OMG the real Tonya and Nancy!

Here is the video of Nancy Kerrigan crying.

F. Here is the real Tonya skating to the Music: Batman soundtrack by Danny Elfman, Send in the Clowns by Sondheim, Wild Thing by Tone Loc. HAHAHAHA I am amazed. She does the triple Axel.

G. They played this song in the movie. YES!

H. They filmed at the GOLDEN BUDDHA here in Atlanta.

I. Sufjan Stevens wrote this song for the movie but it was not used. You may recognize his work from other films like “Call Me By Your Name” or just in life. He is amazing.


“Blade Runner 2049” or “The Future is Long but Pretty!” – My fuckin review

Here is my review for “Blade Runner 2049“. Let me first start off by saying I am not a big fan of the 1982 film “Blade Runner“, but I was excited to see the new one.

Okay this time it’s the future again. It’s 2049 and the world sucks. There are humans that look like robots running around. Ryan Gosling plays a police officer named “K”. His job is to track down old ass robots who have gone into hiding, who basically should have died in part 1. In the film’s opening, K tracks down a farmer bot living in a shit hole. What he finds there will start his journey to figure out his own past and what it means to be a human. He has sex with his hologram girlfriend and then Harrison Ford shows up. Humans and I am right.

Okay so this movie is visually amazing. Your brain will explode. The sets are nuts, the costumes are nuts, the landscapes/cities are nuts. You will be dizzy and sucked in and the sucked off. The music will make your ears melt. Honestly even Ryan Gosling’s character will pull you in fast. Something about him in this movie interests you. You want to see where the fuck he is going and who he is. What makes a human, human in the future. Shit what makes you a human. Are you human at all? There is a beautiful sadness to it all and to Ryan’s characters. Is the movie long? Fuck yes, but I really didn’t mind it because there is so much to see and hear, and even feel at times. Plus Ryan and the cast kept me interested. You really are living it with them. I know the film didn’t really do well at the box office, because it’s for a sequel for a film that was made in 1982, but I am glad it’s not a reboot or whatever. I am glad it’s a part 2, with not all the questions answered. Leave me with confusion and sadness. The director Denis Villeneuve (Arrivalknows how to tell a Science Fiction story and how to make it believable and interesting. I mean it’s based on characters by Philip K. Dick so you know, but I am glad Ridley Scott didn’t direct it. I feel like his vision for fresh and interested Science Fiction died in the 80’s. This last Alien films have been shit and this would have been a mess. Meanwhile you should see this in the theater big and loud and proud. It will make a difference. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Ryan Gosling is interesting in anything. He is great in this film and we buy what this bitch is selling. Rob Sadness or some shit.

B. The score is really the main character in this film. Composed by Benjamin Wallfisch (ItAnnabelle: Creation) and Hans Zimmer (The Dark Knight RisesInception). It’s amazing, even though there was some drama on who they decided to go with for the composer.


C. You are mesmerized with the look of this whole film and just stare at it.

D. Directed by Denis Villeneuve  (Arrivalhe knows how to tell and interesting Science Fiction story with cool characters and amazing dialogue.

E. Jared Leto sometimes we don’t know what to think of your weird ass, but you fit it in here.

F. Harrison Ford  shows up in this and you know honestly he doesn’t really show up until towards the end and he throws the movie off for me. It took me kind of out of it. You just get used to him not being in it and then all of a sudden there he is. Like oh yeah Harrison Ford.

G. How is back? WTF! Sean Young! Technology is amazing! 

I loved Mackenzie Davis.

H. Cute poster. Blah


“Lady Bird” or “Mothers and Daughters Fight A Lot” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Lady Bird“. It’s like 2002 in Sacramento, California! She is a girl from the wrong side of the tracks! Get ready for Lady Bird! Lady Bird is a high school girl stuck in a Catholic school and she wants out. Outta that school and town and away from her bitchy mom. She has a best friend played Beanie Feldstein that makes life bearable and she has a first and second romance her senior year there. Neither really work out but she learns a lot from them. It’s really the story of a daughter VS. a mother, and how they love/hate each other. Is this true of all mothers and daughters? They acted like my mom and sister! In the end will Lady Bird learn to appreciate her overbearing my mom? Will her mom learn to love her free-spirited daughter? Will Lady Bird get out of Sacramento? Does anyone? You will have to see it to find out! 

Okay so this really was a well made and funny film. You will grow to love Lady Bird fast in this movie. Saoirse Ronan is believable, witty and truly funny. Her mother is played by Laurie Metcalf and she is comedy gold. Yes, she is crazy and controlling, but also caring and loving. It’s real! Beanie Feldstein is Lady Bird’s best friend and she was in Neighbors 2. She is amazing in both films. I can’t wait to see her in more films also. It was directed by Greta Gerwig and she gave it to you. Keeping shit real, funny and smart the entire film. You loved every character and wanted to see Lady Bird get out of this shit town. At times you feel like it’s and indie drama and the next minute it’s like a big Hollywood movie. I can’t wait to see Greta’s next movie if it’s as fun and interesting as this one. This one is a must see and you will like it for sure. I hope they make “LADY BIRD 2- The College Years 2004”.  Saoirse Ronan is a star. Greta is the real deal!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Saoirse Ronan is great in this movie and she has been great in other movies that you forgot she was in! HannaThe Grand Budapest HotelBrooklyn

She also looks like she could be in a teen X-MEN show too. Look at this other girl on a Fox X-Men show.  It’s not her but see what I mean.

B. Laurie Metcalf is comedy gold.

She was the killer in Scream 2 also. DEBBIE SALT! I know Roseanne too.

C. Directed by Greta Gerwig (Nights and Weekends) but she acted in China, ILThe House of the DevilThe Mindy Project

D. Beanie Feldstein was great in this movie and in . She also Jonah Hill sister. 

E. They played this song in it. Love this!

F. Timothée Chalamet is great in this movie. He is also in “Call Me by Your Name“. He is in 2 huge films this year.

G. Lucas Hedges (Manchester by the Sea) and John Karna (MTV Scream) are making out in the boys bathroom in this movie.

H. This poster is great.