“Beach Rats” or “Get Your Dick Sucked On The Beach” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Beach Rats“. Okay the film starts off with this dude named Frankie and he is looking at Nude Live Chat guys online. He wants to see their dicks etc. The next day he is hanging with his strait pals. Nobody knows he is gay, he doesn’t either. He is trying to hide it but wants the dick. He meets this girl and they hang out and try to have sex but he can’t get it up. Somehow they keep going out. He basically tries to balance his straight life with sucking dick in the woods by the beach. It’s a sad life that he struggles with and does drug too to try to deal with it all.

Okay so I enjoyed this movie. It was not as sad as I thought it was going to be, but you did feel sad for him. You just wanted him to be happy and be himself. Is there a plot/story not really. It’s just this guys life on Coney Island, with lights, colors, shadows, dicks, sadness. Him not even not knowing what the word “Gay” even really means.  Frankie just dealing with trying to understand why he is attracted to guys and pretending it’s not real. Looking chat rooms instead of Grindr because someone his own age might find him out. It really is a beautifully shot film and you will feel like you stepped into this guys life for a short time. You may even like you sucked a dick. Haha Anyway check this film out and learn what it’s like to feel trapped in a secret life and not be yourself daily.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Harris Dickinson played Frankie and he was great. He was quiet and honest. 

B. At one point he mocks his girlfriend by asking her “Do you think I’m pretty?”. It’s like he invisible to the world, like he can’t see himself or refuses to because if he does then he will realize he is gay. Sad as fuck.

C. Directed by Eliza Hittman (It Felt Like Love). I can’t wait to see what’s next for her.

D. Madeline Weinstein plays his girlfriend. 



E. He is a great interview with Harris Dickinson about his role. 

“My idea of romance is tailor-made pleasure.”: Harris Dickinson on being sexy but not romanti…

F. His straight pals.

G. 2 posters. Both are shirtless.

“Coco” or “Mommy Death Looks So Fun!” – my fuckin review

My review for “Coco“. Okay so this movie starts off with a boy named Miguel and he wants to be a musician but everyone in his family hates music and forbids him to play that shit. Like Footloose but with music instead of Dance. He finds out that his great-grandfather, Ernesto de la Cruz, was a great singer and also a bastard and left the family to become the Mexican Elvis. Now it’s Dia de los Muertos aka the Day of the Dead. Where you celebrate dead relatives and friends. While trying to steal his great grandfather’s guitar he dies and is transported to the land of the dead. I am not sure if this is heaven or hell or purgatory. There he hangs out with dead family members and figures out his talents as a musician and the importance of family. Then he learns about DEATH!

Okay so this movie is a good time. It’s 2017 and even the cartoons want to die! The music is great and the characters are fun and it’s about Dia de los Metros and that is funnnnn! You learn a lot of the things you didn’t know about that day also. The animation is nuts but you knew that going in. There are more surprises in this film than you think and that was cool too. It got a little slow in the middle but the twists turned that shit around. Go check this movie out and be happy and sad, and even learn some shit. It’s the best Pixar movie in years!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Anthony Gonzalez plays Miguel and he was great! I bought a stuffed doll already!

B. Gael García Bernal plays Hector his friend on the other side. It’s good to dead friends on the other side. 

C. Here is Coco. She looks real as fuck.

D. Here is Anthony Gonzalez scaring the shit out of Disney guests. 

Here is the best song in the movie.

E. Remember to put up pics of dead people you want to see come visit you on Nov. 1st.

F. Michael Giacchino composed the score. He is brilliant as usual.

G. There was another animated movie about the Day of the Dead called The Book of Life but Channing TatumRon Perlman Christina Applegate and Ice Cube did voices for a movie about Dia de los Muertos you piece it together. Go see COCO!

H. They should have sung Selena at the end then I would have bust out crying.

I. Colorful as fuck!

 

“My Friend Dahmer” or “Dahmer High” – my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Ross Lynch“. Can you feel sorry for the devil? That’s the big question this movie is asking your ass. Okay so this is the story of serial killer Jeffery Dahmer before he starting killing. Which was while he was in High School and he had a couple of friends. What his family and life was like and what he did and went through. What he was like dealing with the need to kill and also being gay. How his friends saw him and his alcoholism. Until the day he began killing men right after he graduated. So get ready for bizarre tale.

Okay this film really is interesting, you really only hear about his life when he starting killing people and that’s it. It’s interesting to see where he came from and what turned him into this “devil”. There is a lot of stuff you just didn’t know about him. At times you even feel sorry for him, then you get to the end and remember, oh shit he killed 17 dudes. Then you are like goddamnnnnn. It’s all fucked up. What’s also creepy/cool is that they filmed in his real house that he grew up in. It still looks the exact same. Ross Lynch who plays Jeff really did a great job, not playing him scary or weird, but just playing him. Let the viewer find what creeps them out etc. He is a human, even if he is fucked up. You can learn from this cat and so that you know the 20 others that are like him coming your way in the future. Don’t forget Anne Heche is in this and plays his crazy ass mom. She is great and Anne really fun to watch in shit. Okay check this movie out if you want to see real life horror. This was one interesting and fucked up high school drama. Honestly I wish this was a 10 episode Netflix series dealing with his whole life. Ross was that good in it and it was that interesting. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Ross Lynch plays Jeff Dahmer and he was great. That hair needs an Oscar too. Drop Ross in other cool roles. 


B. The real Jeff.

C. It was filmed in Jeffery Dahmer’s actual childhood home in Bath, Ohio.

D. His doctor was Vincent Kartheiser from MR. ROBOT. He felt his balls during a check up and Jeff got a boner. Haha that was a lot. 

E. Anne Heche was nuts in this, but great. 

F. Here is the comic book his friend wrote about him. https://www.amazon.com/My-Friend-Dahmer-Derf-Backderf/dp/1419702173

G. Here is Ross in Disney’s “Teen Beach Movie“.

H. The poster is cute.

“The Florida Project” or “A Magical Sad Story” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “The Florida Project“. This movie is directed by Sean Baker who directed “Tangerine“. A brilliant movie. So I was excited to see this film.

Okay the story opens with Kool & and the Gang’s song “Celebration” which really sets the mood of the film, because they start off with two kids living in a run down motel called “The Magic Castle”. The kids Moonee and Scooty are running around having “good times” and causing trouble in the Neighborhood. The neighborhood is a strip of tourists traps and run-down motels near Disney World. Places that were once designed to be magical but are now filled with people who can’t afford to pay rent week to week. The motels are painted with bright colors and have names like “The Magic Castle” and “Futureland” which sound and look like fun and dreams, but in reality are full of sadness and shit. The kids pretty much run around the adults the first half of the film in the world they live in, but then you start to realize their parents are full of problems. Moonee’s mother is a dancer who makes money by stealing and selling perfume. The Manager Bobby (Willem Dafoe) is annoyed by the kids but still watches out for them because their parents don’t. Shit is always real and you get to see how these kids and people live in what used to be a magical place, and maybe still is to kids who don’t know any better.

Okay this movie was amazing. It’s honest, funny and real as fuck. The kids are the best and you will love them. They are vulgar and street smart but also feel like real kids. It never felt fake or cheap or scripted. Just people living their lives and they took us on a tour of those lives. Shit is happy and shit is sad. They also live right in front of Disney and are broke as fuck and can never get inside to the real “Magic Castle” just the busted purple motel they live in. Willem Dafoe does a great job and you feel sorry for him stuck being the manager of this hotel and stuck watching kids that aren’t his. Usually he creeps me out but in this he really feels like a goddamn human for once.  The director Sean Baker really gave it to you, and you really feel like he grew up there. It never felt forced and cheesy and those kids deserve Oscars. You will love this movie and you will laugh a lot and you might cry too. This is one of the most realistic, interesting, and entertaining films I have seen this year. Go check it out. You will dig it for sure. 

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A.Christopher Rivera and  Brooklynn Prince are amazing. Give them Oscars.  

B. Sean Baker Directed this movie and he also did an amazing movie called “Tangerine“. Go watch that one too. Here is my review of that film. Tangerine review

C.  Bria Vinaite plays Halley and she was realistic also. A mother who is selfish but also loves her daughter and is stuck in a magical shit hole.

D. Willem Dafoe was great in this and honestly one of the few roles I liked him in. He felt honest.

E. The opening song is Kool & The Gangs “Celebration”. Which says a lot about the film, starting it on a happy note on this Disney Strip of shit hotels and motels. Kids celebrating good times in the middle of the adults hard times. What a great opening.

F. Two shots from the movie. The color in this movie is incredible. It’s like a coloring book. Beautiful trash.

G. This poster is great. The color and the girls and everything.

 

“Justice League” or “Party City Busted League” -my fuckin review

Spoilers obviously!

Here is my review for “Justice League“. Okay so I was excited to see this movie because I love the DC characters and the cartoons are amazing. The movies have been a bust except for Wonder Woman, but even then I still own them all because I am stupid.  Zack Snyder is the worst too. UGHHHH! Okay so the movie starts off and they are still bitching about Superman’s death. Some shitty sad song plays to try and get us emotional even though we know he ain’t dead etc. So we feel nothing. Meanwhile Batman is fighting some dude on a roof and Wonder Woman is stopping some bomb from blowing up. Now they are like “Oh yeah we are still trying to call Cyborg, The Flash and Aquaman from the last movie. Wtf. So they go find their asses. Now the big CGI bad guy shows up, Steppenwolf, who is really a bigger bad guys PA. He shows up on Themyscira and tosses around the Amazons.  This entire scene looked like a shitty video game. They were riding around on CGI horses and their asses were hanging out more this time and were wearing mid drifts (Male director). I also am going to say CGI a lot because you really notice it in this film. It looks really bad, like the whole movie didn’t finish rendering. Like fuck it, it’s at 80% close enough go ahead and send it to theaters.

Anyway they finally get everybody together for a battle in a tunnel and Batman shows up in the Bat Crab or whatever it’s called. Let’s stop here. This thing he is in is just dumb. It’s got little legs and flips over and is just useless. Why make it? Why design this bat crab thing. Would you want a toy of it? NO! Yes, a bat car and plane and even a bat hovercraft or some shit. This thing is dumb as fuck. Anyway they get tossed around and some bad jokes are thrown. Now somebody starts talking about Mother Boxes and they can bring back Superman from the grave. So they do that. This is the only exciting, like Oh Shit yes moment. When Superman goes ape shit nuts and tries to whip all their asses. It ends fast though, and they start cutting to some Russian family. Ummmm huh? Who the fuck are these people? Who cares, but they keep cutting to them non-stop. Even during a giant battle, when Superman finally comes to help after hanging out with Mumble Mouse Lane (Amy Adams) in a cornfield forever, he stops fighting Steppenwolf (who is destroying THE PLANET) to help some dumb family. Get your goddamn priorities in check Superman. Don’t tell me some shit about that’s what Superman would do either. It’s poor forced writing for emotional bullshit nobody cares about. In the end there is a montage of superhero scenes while Mumble Mouse Lane narrates something she has written that sounds like a 14-year-old goth girl wrote it drunk. She is supposed to be a Pulitzer Prize Winning journalist. She is really mumbling trash. Now for a surprise, Lex Luthor shows up on boat party with Deathstroke and his gray hair looked sprayed on with hairspray from CVS. I am serious. I have seen better Deathstrokes at DragonCon.

Well, I mean I sound like a bitch, but it’s a mess. How can a movie cost so much and look this cheap. It’s like someone took a movie and shattered it on the floor and glued pieces back together. Just a mess. Okay yes, It’s cool these characters are all on the screen together. Yay! Then that’s where it stops. You keep wishing for something more and something more fun or with better action scenes or not 1990’s CGI. Did they run out of money? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? The Flash and Aquaman were the best parts I guess, but their shit was still weak. They could have had so much fun with them. Give them something to say and do. Wonder Woman was there but looked lost. Batman is like I don’t want to be here and I have a bad sore throat. Cyborg is suicidal basically. Steppenwolf is CGI faded trash. Everything is dark and dank and blah. Fire Zack Snyder. His Generation-X everything is dark and depressing shit is played out. It’s too serious and the world we live is too serious. We go to the theater to escape sometimes. This shit felt like prison. Don’t tell me 2017 sucks in the movie too. What the fuck bitch! Your heroes are together so let’s be happy! Your cast seems lost, your story is a mess, your villain is a screen saver crashing on Y2K, and your soundtrack is busted covers. Also your cliffhanger doesn’t even get us excited to come back for a sequel. I pray to Darkseid that James Wan can make the Aquaman movie fun and interesting, like they did with Wonder Woman. My advice though is to go see it. Yes, see it in the theater cuz that busted CGI will look even worse on your TV at home when it’s small and compressed etc. I sound like I hated it but I didn’t. I love these characters, and it make me sad they couldn’t have us cheering in the theater for them. We were just confused and rolling our eyes. Don’t get me started on that fucking Russian family they kept cutting too and the Kevin Costner photo. KILL ME!

The trailer: this trailer is terrible and the music in it is terrible whoever put it together should be fired. 

The Facts:

A. That song at the beginning of the movie is trash. It was mixed with imagines of the world sucking without Superman. Well we ain’t got a Superman now, so I guess we should kill ourselves. My point is I can’t relate to your forced emotionally bullshit. Don’t show me David Bowie, Prince and Superman on a Newspaper cover about aliens and expect me to cry 2 minutes in. Haha

B. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) felt flat in this movie. She had you about to cry in the “Wonder Woman“, but it’s like the director didn’t know what to do with her.

C. The Flash aka Ezra Miller tried to be funny. He had a line about “Pet Sematary” that was funny, then one scene with Superman when he ran around the back of him when he was bad for a second and that was cool. That was it. Here is an article about the Ezra talking about how he will become the first openly queer actor to lead a superhero film. I hope The Flash movie will be more fun with a different director. https://www.popsugar.com/celebrity/Ezra-Miller-First-Queer-Actor-Lead-Superhero-Movie-44271686

D. If they cut to that Russian family one more time I was going to burn my eyes out. Who the fuck were they? Who the fuck cares! This is trash I don’t care if they all die. Fuck this little girl!

E. Danny Elfman composed the score. I assume they wanted an old school superhero feel. It was the best Danny has done in years for sure. He also used the 1989 Batman theme in some of the scenes. You couldn’t hear it due to the sound effects but it’s there. This was the best song the score and to offer,  but I don’t think it’s in the movie.

 

F. That Kevin Costner photo floating in goo was the corniest thing I have seen all year. Fuck that forced ass photo! We don’t care! We know that fucker was in “Man of Steel” 2 movies ago and died.

G. This Superfriends intro looked more realistic than the movie.

H. At one point Superman was in a human suit then jumps up and is in jogging pants and shirtless. I get it, but it doesn’t make sense in the film.

I. This cartoon Steppenwolf looks better than the movies version.

The movie version looks like a shitty 90’s screen saver. Whoever approved this should be beaten.

J. Cyborg is boring and could have been fun. What a let down. He is also looked busted. You are telling me that they can’t make “The Terminator” look real in 2017. That’s basically what he is.

2017


1984

K. The best part in the movie was Mera when she did the clap back. 

L.There was some scene where they cut to Aquaman walking in slow motion to some shit song drinking booze, then he just busts the bottle. That was it. Is he cool now? Hahaha Shut the fuck up. Where the fuck was this Joss Whedon saving the picture editing?

M. The new look of the Amazons in Justice League. JLAmazons-990x520 copy.jpg

N. Don’t get me wrong I have hopes that the individual movies will be better, like Wonder Woman. The rest have been a mess though.

O. Here is a pic of Party City DeahthStroke witch CVS Halloween Gray Hairspray. Twist, it turns out this is Joe Manganiello. WHAT THE FUCK! Hahahahahaahaha 

23905511_10104009957569907_5106735837579464633_n.jpg

P. This poster is dumb and clumsy. It looks like a Parademon made this in 1988. The Year Photoshop was released.

“Leatherface” or “LeatherTeen/Leathertwink” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Leatherface” 2017. Leatherface is back! This time he is a teenager and locked up in a mental hospital. I wish he was more emo but he isn’t. When he is little he gets locked up because his family is fucked up. Mama Leatherface (Lili Taylor) is crazy and wants him to learn the chainsaw at 10, but the cops take him to a mental hospital instead. He grows up there, then during a riot he breaks out with some other crazies and an annoying nurse. What’s really “crazy” is that Leatherface is not the ugly monster we have come to know and love. He is a teen heart-throb. WHAT THE FUCK! He is also really nice to everyone including the hostage nurse. Meanwhile they are all on the run from the cops and fight with each other along the way. Will Leatherface ever find Leathermom? Will he ever find his true ugly face? Will he learn to work a chainsaw? 

Okay so by the end I don’t know if I cared anymore. I guess it was cute that Leatherface was not some chunky weirdo. That was interesting, but it really didn’t make sense when you think about it. I mean he gets ugly, but it’s like okayyyyy. Then it’s like do we need a prequel with a kind Leatherface? NO. It’s not scary. We just feel sorry for him. We want him to make it in life. Even the mom we like because it’s an actress we like. So what are we supposed to do? I guess support the Leatherface family and hope they live and make it. What the fuck. Even the innocent/survivor girl is annoying and forgettable. It’s like throw her in a ditch who cares. Go LeatherTwink or whatever. Haha Just wait for Netflix to watch this movie or just watch the original. That shit is scary and real and fucked up. This is a teen drama. If you love Leatherface you will want to see this, then you will wish it was a love story about a boy and his chainsaw.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Sam Strike plays teenage Leatherface. He gets acne later or whatever.

B. Stephen Dorff plays the sheriff and he hates the Leatherface family.

His best role was in “The Gate“.

C. It was directed by Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury (ABCs of Death 2 (segment “X is for Xylophone”)). I guess nice try. 

D. Lili Taylor is Leatherface’s mom and she did what she could with these brats. 

Lili’s best part was in “Say Anything… “. Watch.

E. Vanessa Grasse was the Final/Survivor girl in the film and she was a bore and forgettable. Leave her ass in a ditch.

Here is how you sell it. Watch this from the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

F. John Frizzell (The FollowingAlien: ResurrectionDante’s Peak) composed the score. It was generic like his other scores. 

G. This poster is cute I guess. I wish we could have seen Leatherface on a date.

 

“Thor: Ragnarok” or “Thor: Let’s Just Have Fun Bitch!” – my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Thor: Ragnarok“. This time Thor is back and he has to fight an emo Cate Blanchett! She is pissed and has antlers and shit. So Thor and his brother Loki get tossed to another planet where Jeff Goldblum is the ruler. There Thor is forced to fight The Hulk and the comedy and craziness pops off. The Hulk is walking around naked. Finally, give the audience what they want to see. Green ass! Now they all have to go fight Cate on Thor’s planet. It’s the big showdown on Thor’s world to the music of Led Zeppelin. Honeslty, you will be happy!

Okay so this movie is insane and fun as hell. The cast looked like they were having as much fun making it as you were watching it. Everybody was in on the jokes. I mean these worlds are insane, how can they not poke fun at all the bullshit. It was directed by Taika Waititi and he did an amazing job with it. It’s like, yes have all the action and adventure and all that shit, but we want the characters to get the joke like we are. We want to see Hulk’s ass instead of us just joking about it each movie. Let the characters be over-the-top and witty and not so serious all the time. Even the score was the best Marvel had to offer because it was weird and different. Mark Mothersbaugh gave it to you. Let the composers do their job and do something interesting. Not the same old generic action shit we have heard the past 10 films. This was for sure the best Thor movie, and also one of the best Marvel movies, because it was nuts, crazy, funny, and fun. Don’t miss this one you will love it. I will watch it again and laugh.

The trailer:

The Facts:

A. First of all this. Hulks ass was in this movie. I am still trying to find a real pic of it from the film still.

B. This film was directed by Taika Waititi (What We Do in the ShadowsFlight of the Conchords ). He also plays Korg in the movie. He is great. 

He was also Tom Kalmaku in the 2011 Green Lantern movie.

C. Cate Blanchett was the best drag queen this year.

D. Jeff Goldblum should get an Oscar.

E. I do love this song by Led Zeppelin

F. This is Marvel movies best score. Listen to this and agree. It’s original and fun and memorable. Not generic at all. Mark Mothersbaugh composed it (Pee-wee’s Big HolidayThe Lego Movie21 Jump StreetBig LoveRugratsThe Royal Tenenbaums). He is the lead singer of Devo.

G. Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston are a cool duo in this movie.

H. Tessa Thompson was great in this movie and her characters was Bisexual but they cut it out. I guess it was too much for straight ass audiences to know there are other sexualities in the universe. 

http://www.slashfilm.com/valkyrie-bisexual-thor-ragnarok/

thor-ragnarok-tessa-thompson.jpg

I. This poster is amazing. The color on this poster and the film. Yes!