“The Dark Knight Rises” or “My Penis Rises”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for the “The Dark Knight Rises” and there will be no spoilers and shit. Okay so we are on the third and finally film for the Christopher Nolan Batman movies and this time Bruce Wayne is retired and chilling. Gotham City is at peace due to the shit that popped off in the last movie, but there are some new bitches in town. There names are Bane and Catwoman and they are up to some crazy ass bat shit. So Batman gets pissed and wants the big payback with the help of Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Michael Caine. Okay that is all I will say about the story so as not to ruin anything for the bat fans. THIS MOVIE WAS AMAZING! It was like watching 2 epic movies at one time because it had so much shit going on. They really did a great job focusing on the characters in the movie and you really felt close to them all by the end of the film. There was a lot of emotion in this movie and it felt real and honest to me. There was a shot where Batman and Catwoman were standing next to this truck listening to another character talk and they looked hopeless about their situation at the end of the film. I said “Shit, too real”. I loved that. Anne Hathaway did a great job as Catwoman and never tried to be Michelle Pfeiffer‘s Catwoman, but rather a smart ass, calming and “fuck you whatever” Catwoman. If she tried to be Michelle I would I have been pissed. Tom Hardy as Bane had the best fashion I have seen in a movie in years and I wish I could imitate his voice. Joseph G. makes sense in any movie, and in my opinion is one of the better convincing actors of today. Christian Bale got a lot of screen time as Bruce Wayne which was good to see, and I like Christian in films and especially in these. The score by Hans Zimmer was incredible. The action scenes were out of control and you will be on the edge of your seat waiting to see what happens next.  I am sad these movies are ending and I wish they would make more of them with this cast and Director. So if you dug the first 2 Batman movies directed by Chris Nolan, love Batman, black costumes, bat cycles, people rising up from the ashes and shit then this movie is for you. It was for me and loved it. I will see this movie again, and buy it on Blu Ray. Go see it before people ruin it, because there are a lot of cool surprises.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I am into people standing around in costumes talking about problems.

B. This outfit made sense to me in this movie. What the fuck do you want a fuckin tail? It’s okay to like this Catwoman too, you can still love Michelle too. Michelle will not care, she doesn’t know you and doesn’t give a shit about you.

C. I need a bat cycle. Catwoman looked hot as shit on that bat cycle.

D. Me and Matt Gallo at the 12:01AM show FRIDAY, July 20th.

E. I need a bat plane.

F. Bane is very fashionable.

G. Morgan Freeman for god.

H. Joseph Gordon-Levitt makes too much sense as an actor to me.

I. Every time they showed Bane in the movie I sang this song but changed the lyrics to “Insane in the mem-Bane”.

J. I want to do cartwheels all the time now!

K. Batman VS. Bane in the animate series.

L. Tom Hardy pre BANE. Careful with those iphone pics, but shit if I was Tom Hardy I would be sending these pics as my fucking Christmas cards!

M. How does Batman piss in that get up?

N. Here is the shot where Batman and Catwoman were standing next to this truck listening to another character talk and looked hopeless about their situation.

O. Christian gave it to you in this movie, I felt his pain.