My adventures at COMIC CON 2012. All kinds of action like Dethklok, Girltalk, Batmobiles, sexy people, dancing, partying, and costumes.
Month: July 2012
“The Dark Knight Rises” or “My Penis Rises”- my fuckin review
Here is my review for the “The Dark Knight Rises” and there will be no spoilers and shit. Okay so we are on the third and finally film for the Christopher Nolan Batman movies and this time Bruce Wayne is retired and chilling. Gotham City is at peace due to the shit that popped off in the last movie, but there are some new bitches in town. There names are Bane and Catwoman and they are up to some crazy ass bat shit. So Batman gets pissed and wants the big payback with the help of Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Michael Caine. Okay that is all I will say about the story so as not to ruin anything for the bat fans. THIS MOVIE WAS AMAZING! It was like watching 2 epic movies at one time because it had so much shit going on. They really did a great job focusing on the characters in the movie and you really felt close to them all by the end of the film. There was a lot of emotion in this movie and it felt real and honest to me. There was a shot where Batman and Catwoman were standing next to this truck listening to another character talk and they looked hopeless about their situation at the end of the film. I said “Shit, too real”. I loved that. Anne Hathaway did a great job as Catwoman and never tried to be Michelle Pfeiffer‘s Catwoman, but rather a smart ass, calming and “fuck you whatever” Catwoman. If she tried to be Michelle I would I have been pissed. Tom Hardy as Bane had the best fashion I have seen in a movie in years and I wish I could imitate his voice. Joseph G. makes sense in any movie, and in my opinion is one of the better convincing actors of today. Christian Bale got a lot of screen time as Bruce Wayne which was good to see, and I like Christian in films and especially in these. The score by Hans Zimmer was incredible. The action scenes were out of control and you will be on the edge of your seat waiting to see what happens next. I am sad these movies are ending and I wish they would make more of them with this cast and Director. So if you dug the first 2 Batman movies directed by Chris Nolan, love Batman, black costumes, bat cycles, people rising up from the ashes and shit then this movie is for you. It was for me and loved it. I will see this movie again, and buy it on Blu Ray. Go see it before people ruin it, because there are a lot of cool surprises.
The Trailer:
The Facts:
A. I am into people standing around in costumes talking about problems.
B. This outfit made sense to me in this movie. What the fuck do you want a fuckin tail? It’s okay to like this Catwoman too, you can still love Michelle too. Michelle will not care, she doesn’t know you and doesn’t give a shit about you.
C. I need a bat cycle. Catwoman looked hot as shit on that bat cycle.
D. Me and Matt Gallo at the 12:01AM show FRIDAY, July 20th.
E. I need a bat plane.
F. Bane is very fashionable.
G. Morgan Freeman for god.
H. Joseph Gordon-Levitt makes too much sense as an actor to me.
I. Every time they showed Bane in the movie I sang this song but changed the lyrics to “Insane in the mem-Bane”.
J. I want to do cartwheels all the time now!
K. Batman VS. Bane in the animate series.
L. Tom Hardy pre BANE. Careful with those iphone pics, but shit if I was Tom Hardy I would be sending these pics as my fucking Christmas cards!
M. How does Batman piss in that get up?
N. Here is the shot where Batman and Catwoman were standing next to this truck listening to another character talk and looked hopeless about their situation.
O. Christian gave it to you in this movie, I felt his pain.
“The Amazing Spider-Man” or “The Just Okay Spider-Man”- my fuckin review
Here is my review for “The Amazing Spider-Man” so read that shit. This film is a reboot of those old as hell films called “Spider-Man“, “Spider-Man 2“, and “Spider-Man 3“. It was so long ago that you may not remember them. Spider-Man 3 came out in 2007, so I seriously doubt you will remember it. Anyway this new reboot (more like remake) starts off with a little kid version of Peter Parker getting left behind by his parents to stay with his Uncle Martin Sheen and the Boniva Queen herself Aunt Sally Field. Peter grows up without parents and is now emo, and not nerdy this time around. Instead of getting picked on he takes up for nerds, then gets his ass beat up. During a beat down he meets a girl named Gwen Stefani (Emma Stone), she used to be in the band “No Doubt” but they broke up. Peter and Gwen are sweet as tea on each other. Remember emo kids can get hot dates, not nerds. So they hook up. They all end up at OSCORP where Gwen is head intern (remember she is in High School, yes, head intern at a giant company in NY and that bitch is in High School. SHUT THE FUCK UP) and Peter meets Doctor Connor, who has been working on how to cross animal DNA with human shit. There Peter is a nosey white bitch and gets broke off by a spider and then turns into Spider-man literally on the way home. He can fight and shit within minutes. He went from being emo to flyin all over the goddamn place in seconds. Later Uncle Sheen talks about being responsible and Sally takes some Boniva for her osteoporosis. Peter gets pissed and cries, then Uncle Sheen gets shot and Peter cries again. Now Peter makes a spider costume and goes out looking for the killer. Meanwhile Dr. Conner has taken some DNA juice that turns him into a CGI lizard and he starts taking a shit on the city. So Spider-Man has to shut his ass down in 3D. Ok so this movie was just okay for me, yeah it was entertaining at times I guess, but the story seemed so fast and forced you didn’t have time to get to know anyone. Although hell, you’ve just watched the last Spider-Man movie 5 years ago so I guess why waste time with developing the character all over again. We have already seen that. So fuck it I guess. Also the film started off with a few different storylines about Peter’s parents and Uncle Ben’s killer then they just dropped that shit in favor of a big action scene. Maybe those storylines will be resolved in the sequel or another reboot. The action scenes were not memorable at all and there was this weird ass scene with some cranes lining up with C. Thomas Howell that was cheesy as hell. So yeah there were a couple of cool moments and I did like Andrew and Emma the most. They were believable and seemed honest in their parts, but that was it. So if you love Spider-Man no matter what, Sally Fields looking like a witch, CGI lizards, Emo kids who skate board, and a skinny white spider ass then go see this movie. I will not own this on DVD/ Blu Ray.
The Trailer:
The Facts:
A. Gurrlll you need some more Boniva!
B. Rhys Ifans played a boring ass fuckin villain as the Lizard.
C. I want to see Spider-Man going to the restroom in that fuckin suit. It’s a one-piece bitch.
D. Andrew did a good job as Spider-man and he really looked like he was in constant pain.
E. Martin Sheen looked like he was wearing a flipper. Flippers are fake teeth used to hide baby teeth that they use in the show “Toddlers and Tiaras”.
F. The Director Marc Webb made the film “(500) Days of Summer“. This was like a really entertaining CW version of Spider-Man.
G. Emma Stone was all good in this movie and was believable as Gwen Stacy. Although I do wish the character was played by Gwen Stefani.
H. At one point cops are infected with Lizard juice and are turned into lizards and nothing happens with them. They just lay there. Ummm Okay.
I. Emo teary-eyed Spider man vs. Geeky nerdy caring Spider man?
J. Andrew G. has big hair.
K. I wish Spider-Man was played by Raven-Symoné.
L. I wish the poster was in the 3D.
“Red Tails” or “Black Star Wars Tails”- my fuckin review
Here is my review for “Red Tails“. Ok so the movie starts off with some CGI planes flying around and blowing each other up. Think Star Wars but 1944. Then some African-American pilots in the Tuskegee training program that are waiting to join the action in World War II but the honkeys in charge keep giving them shitty ass missions. Thanks to some creepy ass Nazi’s they finally get to join the war. One of the pilots meets a girl by flying by her house in Italy and they get married, another pilot is an alcoholic, sort of, and then insert 50 horribly written speeches that wouldn’t inspire a dead cat to take a shit in a litter box. In the end white Americans and white Germans are still racist and the African-American pilots get medals. Think the end of Star Wars. This movie is a fuckin mess and disappointment. I felt nothing for anyone in this movie. If I was a real Tuskegee pilot I would have cried at the end of the film because my suffering for America would have still been in vain. I would have thrown my $6.00 Icee at the fuckin screen and wished I would have been shot down in the war. Thanks George Lucas for more emotionless CGI wooden filmmaking. Now take note he did not direct this film, he just Produced it. Anthony Hemingway directed it, he has directed a bunch of shit on Television (it was his first feature film), so I am sure George’s ass was all over the making of this movie. The story, dialogue and characters were a fuckin mess and you just stared at the screen lost, until the next horrible generic speech, when you wanted to puke up wookies. YES, There were a lot of shit speeches. It felt like my mom was getting on to me about something every 5 minutes. This film is a disgrace to the real Tuskegee pilots, and George Lucas owes them an apology on National Television. So if you like shitting on history, can’t get over Star Wars, want to blow George Lucas, get wood at wooden dialogue and love CGI shit then this movie is for you. I suggest watching the movie “Glory“. That movie is pretty fuckin amazing. Red Tails is a disaster.
The Trailer:
The Facts:
A. Cuba Gooding Jr. was horrible in this movie.
B. Ne-Yo was a boring disaster.
C. I wish Lando Calrissian was in this movie.
D. This is a screen cap from the movie I made. This is the evil Nazi. Think a bootleg Darth Vader. He literally said this line.
E. George Lucas you make me want to douche. I am a male you bitch!
F. This movie is forgettable at best.
G. The only thing believable in this movie for me was black Jesus. They talked about him all through it. Max suggested a drinking game. Every time they say black Jesus you take a drink. You would be drink half way through the film though.
H. Keep your cheesy ass dialogue to yourself bitch.
I. I wish this whole movie was nothing but rappers playing every part. It would have been a lot better.
J. Old white jive ass honkeys should never produce movies about black pilots trying to fight racism in World War II. We get it you made Star Wars. You know how to write dialogue for fuckin robots not humans! Produce movies about robots talking and fucking all day. I will believe that one.
K. Duck Tales was better.
L. They painted their plane tails red. Hence Red Tails!
“Moonrise Kingdom” or “Kids in Love on an Island”- my fuckin review.
Here is my new movie review for “Moonrise Kingdom“. Ok so the story starts off with this family living on an island. Bill Murray is the dad and Frances McDormand is the mom. Their daughter Suzy and she is bored as fuck and runs away. On the other side of the island there is a Boy Scout troop and Edward Norton is their group leader. There one of the boys named Sam has also decided to run away. It turns out that Sam and Suzy are actually meeting up, have fallen in love and are running away together. Now the Boy Scout troop, the parents, the local cop Bruce Willis, and Child Services are all after them. The real story is about the two kids and their young love. I was like “Shit, I hope these two kooky ass kids make it”. I was rooting for their love the entire film. This movies love story seemed more real to me than most films that have come out in the last 10 years. They were honest, keep shit real and fought for each other. Hell that is real love. The Director Wes Anderson has a way of sucking you into a story and making you wish you were living there with the characters. I really believe the characters in a film are the most important part of a story or a movie. You should want to hang out with those characters and know them. Love them or even hate them. I own all the soundtracks to his films and will own this one as well. The songs and scores to his films just make sense to me and really keep the story moving along. Honestly the real stars of this film are the 2 kids Sam and Suzy (Jared and Kara) and how they do not fit anywhere except with each other. They are amazing and I wish they would make a fuckin sequel. So if you are into pretty shots, disaster films, a cute story, fun music, great characters and Wes Anderson movies then you will dig this shit. I will buy this movie when it comes out.
The Trailer:
The Facts:
A. Jared Gilman should get an Academy Award. His character makes sense to me.
B. Kara Hayward is amazing in this movie and should also get an Academy Award. I want her raven costume.
C. The soundtracks to his films are all amazing.
D. Wes Anderson is a really amazing Director. (Rushmore,The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Darjeeling Limited )
E. I love this shot.
F. Sometimes I feel like a Wes Anderson movie. That seems like something a hipster would say. Here is something a hipster would not say. GO FUCK A BASEBALL BAT WITH LUBE BITCH!
G. My favorite line from the movie is…. “I love you but you have no idea what you are talking about.”
H. Tilda Swinton is brilliant just being alive. She also could be a witch in real life.
I. I love films that use a some sort of disaster as a backdrop.
J. Charlie Kilgore as Lazy Eye made too much sense. Sometimes you lose a fuckin eye.
K. Sometimes true love means running the fuck away. I hope I can have a love as real as theirs one day.
L. Françoise Hardy “Le Temps De L’amour” from the soundtrack.
M. This poster is cluttered but fun.
EDDIE RAY BREAKS THAT SHIT DOWN! 