“Oz the Great and Powerful” or “Gettin High With Franco in Oz” my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Oz the Great and Powerful“. Okay so I wish they would have made a prequel to “The Wiz” and not the “The Wizard of Oz“. That being said, here we go. Okay the movie starts off with James Franco (sorry, it was like hanging with James the whole time not Oz, which is fine with me) in black and white at a circus, and he is also man whore. A tornado comes and takes his ass away while trying to escape in a hot air balloon, and this sends him to the magical mother fuckin world of Oz. Then the movie turns back to color and Mila Kunis (Theodora) shows up in a giant fuckin red hat. I got confused on where and what the fuck the land of Oz is? Is he still on earth? Is it an alternate universe? Also why is this place named after James Franco’s character Oz? Anyway James is now hitting on Mila and making out with her and shit. I think they may have banged each other but it faded to black. Later they run into a bellhop monkey and he hangs with them. Then they run into Mila’s sister Rachel Weisz (Evanora), and she sends James Franco to kill the wicked witch who has been tormenting their lands and shit. He hits on Rachel before he leaves to do that. Along the way he runs into Michelle Williams (Glinda) the good witch, and she is all bubbles (To quote Kevin Vickery, it means dingy as fuck), but she decides to help him. He flirts with her too. Eventually after hitting on all the women in the movie James has to decide if he is a good person or not and save Oz. Remember he is not a real wizard so he has to think of something to do to help or not help the people of the Emerald City. In the end there is a big ass show down of witches and James Franco. Okay so I did like this movie, but I didn’t love it. It was a fun, for a one time watch. Honestly if James Franco had not been in it, then it would have been worse. I think because sometimes in the movie he does look like he is high as a kite standing in front of a green screen is what makes it fun. Now what I really mean is that he is having fun with the roles he is given, I know he is not really high (all the time). He just seems like he is your best friend and he is always cool to be around. So when you see your best friend in a movie, you like it by default. I also liked the CGI monkey and thought he was funny. Mila as a witch was a littler forced and weird, but shit I am just glad to see a green witch on film again. The problem is that the character Oz comes to Oz and there are all these powerful female witches with real powers and they just stand around waiting on a man (with no powers) to tell them what to do and wait on him to save them. UMMMMMM you are fuckin witches, I would turn his ass into a toad and step on him. Nobody should be telling a witch what to do anyway. So if you are a witch or a woman get ready to roll your eyes in this film. It was really just a fun PG movie that clearly you should not think too much about. So if you like James Franco, witches, brooms, Mila, talking monkeys, magic, green screens, an PG Sam Raimi then this films is for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. James Franco can do no wrong. How can a person who is the world’s best friend do wrong? Think of your real best friend right now and picture him/her in a movie. See, you are happy and would love them in anything. James Franco: The Earth’s best friend. He has also acted in 80 different films/TV shows.

Here are pics James Franco took with his Oz doll.

B. If I was a female witch I would have walked out during the movie.

C. The Lion, The Scarecrow, The Tin Man, and Dorothy are not in this movie.

D. Mila Kunis as a witch hmmmm. Her head looked big as fuck.

E. If you are witch then what good is a regular man with no powers to you? He ain’t shit!

F. I want this monkey stuffed animal from the movie.

H. I miss the lion.

I. Bruce Campbell was a doorman in this movie. He was good. haha

J. There was a Sam Raimi montage in this movie. I am fine with that.

K. Danny Elfman score was okay, nothing super amazing.

L. The Wiz makes more sense to me.

The lion singing is the best shit I have ever seen!

M. Mila as a witch was weird, but at least she was green with a pointy hat. She still let a man ruin and run her life.

“The Perks of Being a Wallflower” or “1990’s Three Way Of Love”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “The Perks of Being a Wallflower“.  The movie starts out with this shy nerd (wallflower) named Charlie (Logan Lerman) who is beginning High School with no friends. His sister will not even sit with his ass. He eventually befriends Patrick (Ezra Miller), who is gay and secretly dating the head of the football team and his step sister is Sam (Emma Watson). They all three become good friends because they are all outcasts (wallflowers). It’s 1991-92 so that is why. The same kids today would be considered cool and hipsters. Charlie is into Sam, but she is dating another dude. Throughout the film Charlie is dealing with his first love, his best friends suicide, his own mental illness and trying to fit into this new group of friends. This is no teen comedy! It was pretty real and emotional. This was a year in the life of three teenagers and how they live and love each other. This film is not just for 17 years olds but to remind you what you were like at 17. How things can change so fast in a day or in a year, and how that is not always a bad thing. To remind you of your friends and family and how you perceived or perceive the world. Also how to make a mix tape. I guess I thought this movie was going to be forced and pretentious, but it was not. I enjoyed it and I would watch it again. I believed the three main actors were good friends in the film and I wondered what their lives would be like when the filmed ended. I think most people who watch the movie will relate to at least one of these characters or at least a mix of all three. Give this movie a chance you may find out you like it more than you think. So if you like Ezra Miller, Emma Watson, Teen dramas, the 90’s, being in love, David Bowie, be emotional, gay football players on the hide and being wallflowers then this movie is for you. I enjoyed it and would watch it again.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. This movie takes place in 1991 and 1992.

B. Ezra Miller makes sense in everything. He is one of the better actors of this generation.

C. It was written and directed by Stephen Chbosky. He also wrote the TV show “Jericho“.

D. Someone told me I should be on the “Island of Misfit Toys” once like in the movie. It hurt my feelings though.

E. Logan Lerman did a good job as the quiet boy who didn’t fit in. It wasn’t forced or over-the-top.

F. Young Neil (Johnny Simmons) from “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” plays the football player Patrick is in love with.

G. I dance at parties even if nobody is dancing. I am not a wallflower or if I am I don’t give a shit.

H. Tom Savini plays the shop teacher.

I. They played this at a party in the movie. True. I love this song.

J. You might cry watching this.

K. Emma Watson is flying. I am glad she is out of that Potter shit and taking serious roles.

L. You might laugh watching this.

M. The characters did not know this song by David Bowie in the movie. I didn’t know a lot of Davie Bowie tracks when I was young too though. When I did hear this shit I loved it though.

N. Somebody make me a fuckin mix tape!

O. It’s green.

“Dark Skies” or “Felicity, You Got Aliens In Yo Crib” – my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Dark Skies“. Okay so I was not excited about seeing this movie, but it turns out it was pretty creepy.  It starts with off with, yeah I know, a happy family living in suburbia. Felicity is the mom trying to raise two boys, and her husband is trying to look for a job. Creepy ass things start to pop off in the house and eventually she starts seeing thin gray ass aliens standing next to her son’s bed. FUCK THAT SHIT! Then birds start flying into the house and dying, and everyone’s (The family) body is wigging the fuck out. Now here is the part I didn’t like, it happens in a lot of horror movies too. It begins when there is a couple and then crazy shit starts happening. Then one of them sees/believes in the monster and the other doesn’t and calls the one who believes crazy or some shit. It’s like although they are married or in love or whatever with each other, they don’t believe a goddamn thing the other is saying to them. This makes no sense. If I came home and my boo said “Hey I think I saw a fuckin alien”. I would say “What the fuck, where?” I wouldn’t say bitch you crazy! If someone called me crazy for seeing a monster I would dump them or get a divorce the next day. Then go home and kill the monster. Okay so after the dad finally gets on board, they have to deal with all this crazy alien shit going down, and you are nervous and scared for all their ass’s. When aliens come you are fucked! Even Felicity can’t stop aliens. I mean shit, you are a fucking tiny ass ant to an alien. Would you talk to an ant? Hell no, you thump an ants ass! Okay so I did dig this movie, even though it was the same formula as a haunted house movie, but with aliens, but it worked for me. It was moody and scary, and you felt like they couldn’t get away. They gave you some spooky ass moments too. I like Kerri’s come back, she is cool to watch and I believe her ass in movies and TV. The dad seemed a little forced, annoying, and goofy. The haunted house formula made it predictable, ya know, happy family in a house and creepy shit happens then some bad shit breaks loose at the end, but I still enjoyed watching it. It made me jump a few times. So if you like aliens, Felicity, haunted house like stories, the TV show “Unsolved Mysteries“, and birds flying into houses then this movie is for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. You can’t really fight aliens. They will abduct you and probe that ass.

B. I like Keri Russell. She is believable in shit.

C. You can’t run from an alien. It will follow your ass all over the fuckin planet and your kid will draw this picture.

D. The Director was Scott Stewart (Legion).

E. Gurlllllll there is an alien in your cabinet!

F. I wonder why all aliens look-alike. All gray and shit. Here is one hanging with Hitler. WHAT THE FUCK!

G. Oh shit where are your kids bitch!

H. The score was composed by Joseph Bishara (Insidious). I do like his scores.

I. Here is my alien short film I made. ” Kiss My Ass U Green Alien Bitch!”

J. Blow job face.

K. Aliens make messes of your house.

L. Aliens will probe that ass!

M. Alien on the roof! Call me crazy if I see some shit and I will dump or divorce your ass.

N. I like this poster a lot. Also the kid (Dakota Goyo) in the poster  and he played Young Thor in “Thor“.