My review for “22 Jump Street“. Okay so I loved the first “21 Jump Street” and was excited about this one. I usually don’t like Bro-Comedies either. Okay so Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are back as whatever their names are in the movie, and out to solve crimes but in College this time. There is a new drug on campus and it’s killing students. Now they have to blend in to find the bad guys. Along the way their friendship is tested and even end up on Spring Break. In the end they save the day. Okay so I liked this movie and it was a lot of fun. I love their friendship and how that shit seems real. It’s like 2 best friends hanging out for an hour and half. I think both those fuckers are funny as hell to watch and I would hang out with them any day. Ice Cube is amazing in this and so is Jillian Bell. She was a funny ass character and made my ass laugh every time she was on screen. Both these films really are a lot of fun and you should check it out. So if you love Jonah, Channing, Smart Ass humor, Ice Cube, Spring Break, Dick jokes, real dialogue about jealous friends, The Lucas Brothers, and poking fun at TV shows then you will love this movie. Go see it, you will laugh bitch. I will buy this shit on blu ray!
E. I filmed this when I was little and it was a loose rip off of the TV show “21 Jump Street“. It’s called “Atlanta 5-0 Teenbeat”. It’s bootleg as fuck.
F. Diplo plays the spring break DJ. Here is the jam.
Here is a list of my favorite movies from 1930 to 2019. These are movies that I love and I feel like are the best that year had to offer. Some years have more than one selection, because I love them equally and couldn’t decide. It’s interesting to see what years had the best movies (in my opinion). I am curious what others say theirs are and when.
Here is my review for “Maleficent“. This is not your mother’s Sleeping Beauty. Okay the movie starts of in a fairyland down the road from a big ass castle. A little demon girl known as Maleficent is flying around and happy and shit in fairyland. She eventually runs into a boy human and they start dating and chilling, even though he was caught stealing. Cut to years later, to a grown up Jolie Maleficent and the boy thief who is now a man. He has beens busy lately with work at the castle, but one night they are chilling and he drugs her then cuts off her wings (rape for fairies) so that he can be king in human land. Later Maleficent awakens and is pissed off and waits until he has his baby’s 1st birthday party. She didn’t get invited. I would be pissed too. She shows up and throw shade and a curse on Sleeping Beuaty.For some reason will take 16 years to pop off. UMMMM I would have shut that whole kingdom down that day. Fuck em. Now these 3 creepy as fuck versions of Hocus Pocus take Sleeping Beauty to raise in the woods. These 3 fairies are dumb as shit, and so Maleficent has to step in secretly to raise a bitch from the sidelines. PS Sleeping Beauty (Elle Fanning) is all bubbles and giggles and is a ding-dong. I would have written her the same way though so I am okay with it. Later shit hits the fan and Maleficent has to shut that rapists kingdom down. Okay so yeah I liked this movie and I was surprised about the twists and turns in it. It was definitely updated to make sense in 2014. Angelina Jolie is great as Maleficent and you buy what she is selling. She got that weird ass Lady Gaga makeup on and elf ears too. I’m not sure if I have liked another movie she has been in. The ending was great and you finally see what “True Love” really means. It really feels like a rape/revenge story which was interested and fucked up. I really like the overall message of the film too. So if you love Maleficent, Sleeping Beauty, crows, Angelina, magic, horns, dragons, demon wings, and getting drugged then this is the movie for you and your kids. I dug it and would see it again. Take your kids maybe they will learn that true love is not about a boyfriend or girlfriend all the time. It can mean many things in this world.
The Trailer:
The Facts:
A. Malefi-a-hoes for this Halloween.
B. Marlinda Phillips as Maleficent.
C. Fuck rapists. I would have destroyed the entire kingdom.
D. I love green smoke and or fog.
E. Little Maleficent with her future rapist. She looks like a demon I would run from her.
F. I you rape me and then don’t invite me to your party. I will fucking level your city.
G. She was all giggles. Pretty and dingy.
H. The 3 fairies scared the shit out of me. Fuck them.
I. Prince Phillip was not good enough for Sleeping Beauty. She was like whatever to him.
J. They should have literally just recast Hocus Pocus as the 3 fairies.
K. I really do love that Maleficent is good guy and a bad guy. How she overcame her hate and learned to love again. It makes for a more interesting character that an audience can relate to.
Here is my review for “X-Men: Days of Future Past“. Okay so there have been a bunch of X-Men movies X-Men, X-Men 2, X-Men: The Last Stand, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, X-Men: First Class, The Wolverine, xXx. So we get it and we know who they are and shit. This one is a sequel to all of them, so it has the old cast and the new hoes. It’s a greatest fuckin hits bitch. This one starts off in the future, when they are old and the world is shit and robots are flying around trying to call all mutants. It could be today’s date. I am not sure. So the gang decides to send Wolverine back to 1973 because audiences love Hugh Jackman and can’t get enough of his ass (they show his actual ass in the movie too) I guess. Juno (Kitty Pryde) is back and she can still run through walls but this time she can send minds back in time. So she sends Wolverine’s mind back in time to his young body. Now Wolverine has to get the young Young Magneto and Young Charles (James McAvoy) back together so they can stop Mystique from killing Tyrion Lannister (Dr. Bolivar Trask) from “Game of Thrones“. Then the chase is on, well a lot of long boring dialogue about hope, friendship, the future, the past, etc. They get the help of Quicksilver (Evan Peters) to break Magneto out of jail for killing JFK. Haha yep. Quicksilver was the best character in this movie, and he was only in it for 15 minutes. Lameeeeeee. Meanwhile more fight scenes with giant robots. In 1973?????? Ummmmmmm there were no giant robots in 1973. This is supposed to be reality based with mutants added in. Like JFK and other 1970’s references. Anyway there is another big showdown at the end. Okay so I liked this movie, but there were so many characters running around I didn’t know who to follow or like. It’s over kill. The score was also boring and forgettable by John Ottman. Bryan Singer is back as the Director and I can see him wanting to connect the old films (He did part 1 and 2) to the new films in one big megaverse. Which is a good idea, but maybe there was just too much going on. Haha fuckin Storm. If you love the X-Men movies and all the old characters then you will love listening to this greatest hits CD with a couple of hidden tracks at the end. If you love the new cast you will have fun with them too. If you think about it too much you will be confused and then angry. Quicksilver really was the most fun character this time. Go check it out and you will have fun watching it but you probably will not love it. Rogue’s scenes got deleted.
The Trailer:
The Facts:
A. Mystique should have morphed into Trask, then filmed herself (as Trask) with Teen Boys nude. Then take that tape and give it to the news. That way Trask’s career would be ruined and the future would be saved. She would not have to kill anyone or start shit with the other X-Men. It worked for the Director.
E. Haha giant robots in 1973. We don’t even have that shit in 2014.
F. The next movie is about Apocalypse and it takes place in the 80’s. I’m interested.
G. I mean her blue coochie is hanging out for the world to see. Especially when she kicks. What the fuck… gets some panties. I love Jennifer Lawrence playing her though.
Oh no gurrrrrl!
H. I am not even a fan of the cartoon but this theme song it amazing and catchy.
I. Stop forcing this shitty character on us. We hate him.
L. The poster sums up the movie. Too much shitting going and not enough time to care. Also the title for this movie is literally a fuckin mess. Nobody says it, they just X-Men cuz your title is assholes. “X-men: 70’s” would have worked better.
EDDIE RAY BREAKS THAT SHIT DOWN! 