The Best Films Of 2013 You Bitch!

Okay 2013 was a little boring in film, but here is the top 10 movies I enjoyed the most. Which means I will own them and watch them again and again. I loved them for different reasons so I attached my reviews underneath each one. If you haven’t seen any of these go rent them or whatever. Remember this is not your top 10, it’s mine. 🙂

1. The Conjuring– I loved this movie. It gave me everything I needed.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/the-conjuring-or-scary-ass-ghosts-demons-and-witches-my-fuckin-review/

2. Spring Breakers– This shit is amazing and James Franco should get awards for this movie.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/03/25/spring-breakers-or-spring-break-forever-bitches-my-fuckin-review/

3. This Is the End– I have seen this movie 3 times now and I laugh every time I see it. 

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/06/20/this-is-the-end-or-the-coolest-apocalyptic-movie-ever-my-fuckin-review/

4. Maniac– This movie was released in 2012, but nobody got to see it until 2013. I love the score and the way it was shot.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/maniac-2013-remake-or-elijah-wood-will-cut-your-fuckin-scalp-off-my-fuckin-review/

5.The Kings of Summer– This movie was funny, real and honest.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/the-kings-of-summer-or-three-boys-runaway-and-build-a-house-with-their-shirts-off-my-fuckin-review/

6. Insidious: Chapter 2 – This was just as good as part one and I thought it went in a lot of fun directions that I didn’t expect.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/09/16/insidious-chapter-2-or-patrick-wilson-you-gotta-witch-in-you-bitch-my-fuckin-review/

7. 12 Years a Slave – This is an amazing must see for everyone. 

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2014/01/21/12-years-a-slave-or-go-watch-this-movie-you-racist-bitch-my-fuckin-review/

8.Machete Kills– This shit is just nuts and over-the-top. It makes sense to me.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/11/12/machete-kills-or-latino-james-bond-my-fuckin-review/

9. Only God Forgives– light and color and violence wow.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/02/21/beautiful-creatures-or-a-country-witch-will-survive-my-fuckin-review/

 

10. The Lords of Salem– This movie was half hated by the world, but it’s fucked up and about witches so I loved it.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/04/19/the-lords-of-salem-or-satanic-naked-ass-witches-in-salem-my-fuckin-review/

BONUS: Movies that were just fun to watch but were not good enough to make my top 10.

 Blackfish

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/black-fish-or-free-shamu-mother-fuckers-my-fuckin-review/

– Blue Is the Warmest Color

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/12/10/blue-is-the-warmest-color-or-a-lesbian-love-story-from-a-to-z-my-fuckin-review/

– Warm Bodies

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/02/06/warm-bodies-or-do-zombie-dicks-get-hard-my-fuckin-review/

– The ABCs of Death

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/02/04/the-abcs-of-death-or-26-fucked-up-short-horror-films-from-around-the-world-my-fuckin-review/

– Dark Skies

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/03/04/dark-skies-or-felicity-you-got-aliens-in-yo-crib-my-fuckin-review/

– Star Trek Into Darkness

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/star-trek-into-darkness-or-spock-gets-pissed-off-at-chaka-khan-my-fuckin-review/

– White House Down

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/07/03/white-house-down-or-channing-tatum-saves-america-my-fuckin-review/

-Moral Sleaze– A friend of mine directed this movie and stars close friends of mine. I realize I love watching my friends in movies as much as hanging out with them cuz they iz funny.

https://eddieraysmoviereviews.wordpress.com/2013/03/22/moral-sleaze-or-your-boyfriends-a-bitch-my-fuckin-review/

 

My Top Films I Made in 2013!

Here are the top things I filmed in 2013. I hope you enjoyed our films and documentary shit this past year. We had fun making them all. Which is your favorite?

1. “Satanic Panic: Band Out Of Hell” went online. I am so proud of this film and everyone who worked on it. We are finished with part 2 and it should be done early 2014.

2. “I’m So Fucking Sure” was shot for my birthday. It was a lot of fun and had great music and costumes.

3. “Satanic Panic- Satan’s Done Waitin” music video. This is also the trailer for Satanic Panic 2: Battle of the Bands

4. “New York Bitch”. This was my first trip to NY.

5. “Sex On Easter 5 – Two Guys One Stump”. We do these sex talks for Easter, to talk about crazy sex shit.

6. “Boom Bitch 4”. Max had a 4 of July party. Here is all the fun.

7. “Monster Bash 2013”. Here is all the fun at Monster Bash!

8. “We At The Fair Bitch” was shot at the fair. I love shooting carnival fun.

9. “Halloweenie 2013”. This was what we did for Halloween.

10. “Little 5 Points Halloween Parade 2013”. Here is all the fun at the L5P Halloween parade.

11. AZA Behind the Scenes Part 1. Here is a look at the Haunted House I work for Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse.

12. AZA The Party Part 2. Here is a look at the biggest Halloween Party and Awards Party at Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse.

13. “Winter Wonderland Bitch”. See us at the Global Winter Wonderland having Christmas fun.

14. “Max’s Spring Break”. Max Fisher’s Birthday party.

15. “A Very Robocop Christmas”. Robocop killing me and friends at a Xmas Party.

16. “Honey Boo Boo Christmas”. We went to visit Honey Boo Boo and family on Xmas Eve.

17. “Satanic Panic- Wishes You Merry Christmas”. A Christmas message advertising Satanic Panic 2.

SEE YOU IN 2014!

Christmas Characters You Would Bang Under The Tree!

Here is a list of my all time favorite Christmas characters. I would sleep with them all! Who are your favorites?

1. The Bumble from Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer

2. Emmet Otter from Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas

3. Rudolph from Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer

4.  Nestor from Nestor, the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey

5. Charlie Brown from A Charlie Brown Christmas

6.   Hermey from Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer

7. Frosty the Snowman from Frosty the Snowman

8. Ebenezer Scrooge – Scrooge McDuck from Mickey’s Christmas Carol

9. Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas

10. Snow Miser from The Year Without a Santa Claus

11. The Grinch from How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

12. Lucy Van Pelt from  A Charlie Brown Christmas

13. Ma Otter from Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas

14. Dolly for Sue from Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer

15.  Olive from Olive, the Other Reindeer

“Blue Is the Warmest Color” or “A Lesbian Love Story From A to Z” – my fuckin review

Here is my review for the movie “Blue Is the Warmest Color“. The films beings with a high school girl named Adèle who is trying to figure out her sexuality and fit in with her straight girlfriends. She eventually dates a guy for a minute because others talk her into it. Then she sees a girl (Emma) with blue hair (think raver from the 90’s) walks by and falls in love. Eventually Adele talks to the Emma in a bar and they start to hang out, date and have sex. All Adele’s friends find out and get into a fight with her about her being a lesbian. Then we see all the good and bad that comes from being in a relationship. Ten minute sex scenes and all. Okay this movie was really well down and I dug it a lot. It really shows you a lesbian relationship beginning, middle and end. Then by the end your realize that a lesbian relationship looks just like any other relationship (I knew that already I am just being a smart ass). That everyone goes through the same things in a relationship. So really it’s about “your” relationships. The 2 girls were amazing and believable with every scene they were in. There was literally a 10 minute sex scene between them in the movie and you saw it all. “THEY BARE ALL”. At first I was like okay show that shit because this is what happens in real life and it’s honest. Then about 8 minutes in I was like wait a minute. Who directed this? Is he straight? Does he just want to see 2 lesbians bang for 10 minutes? Like some frat boy fantasy or some shit. After the movie I looked it up and there indeed was controversy over the sex scene. I will post a link below. Lesbians have told me that sex scene is too over-over-top. Straight guys love the scene. Gay guys and straight girls are confused and scared over it.  Anyway you watch and decide. I loved the movie, and I believe if you are going to do a movie about relationship then a big part of that is about sex and sexuality so you should show it and be honest. “Brokeback Mountain” tried but ended up having a terrible gay sex scene in it. It was basically a dude raping another dude, and we are supposed to believe that scene was them making love. Get real. Porn stars have sex that way and that shit ain’t real. Anyway I say check it out and maybe learn all relationships go through the same shit no matter your sex, sexuality, creed, or mother fucking color. Humans are humans and they deal with shit the same way bitch! SOOOO if you like lesbians, blue hair, 10 minute sex scenes, crying, coming of age stories, and movies that last 3 hours then this is the jam for you. It was a really good movie, just long as fuck!!!!!!! Take the kids. Sex is more real than fuckin Santa Claus bitch!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A.Adèle Exarchopoulos (Adèle) and  Léa Seydoux (Emma) were both amazing in this movie and deserve awards.

B. Directed by Abdellatif Kechiche. Is he a perv? Who knows, are you?

C. Here is a video of lesbians reacting to the 10 minute sex scene from the film.

D. It’s this real or this fake. I wish someone would have said in the theater while the sex was going on for 10 minutes “I’ll have what she’s having”.

E. Break ups are always shitty like the kitty for everyone.

F. You see this dudes (Salim Kechiouche) boner in the movie also.

G. Link to shit about controversy.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/blue-is-the-warmest-color-controversy

H. I loved this shot, and wish it was me.

I. They should have played this song while they were having sex. Latour’s “Blue” from Basic Instinct.

J. This poster is nice and blue.

K.

“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” or “The Hunger Games: All Stars” – my fuckin review

My review for the movie “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire“. Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson) are back and dealing with being the winners of the last Hunger Games. Now they have to go on tour to all the districts and talk to the people about how great the government is and that they won and shit. This makes them sad as fuck, because all the districts are poor as shit and the people are getting killed by the government. So Katniss and Peeta start throwing shade on President Donald Sutherland, and Donald ain’t having that shit. Donald decides to throw those back talking bitches right back into a new Hunger Games: All Stars Edition. All the winners from all the previous Hunger Games will be thrown into the woods to fight each other all over again. This makes all the all stars pissed as mother fuck, and they hate the government more. Now the race is on to see who will win the Hunger Games: All Stars Edition, and if Katniss will stop being a tease and pick between Peeta and Gale Hawthorne (Liam Hemsworth). Okay so I dug this movie, and these Hunger Games movies are always better than I think they will be after I see them. This one is little more depressing and real so that is why I liked it. The world they live in is ass and looks like Butcher Holler (where Loretta Lynn is from) and I love that also. It seems a little broader than the first film and the characters are more memorable. I walked out knowing their names so that’s good. Is it amazing? No, but it is fun and Jennifer sells that shit so I enjoyed it. So if you love Jennifer Lawrence, Peeta, bow and arrows, cornucopias, the past mixed with the future, and jabber jays then this movie is for you. I won’t buy it, but I could watch it again.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I like Jennifer Lawrence cuz she is like whatever to shit. Here she is yawning about shooting a bow and arrow.

B. This should really be the theme song for these movies. Every time they say “Hunger Games” in the movie, I sing “Fuckin Hunger Games…..”.

C. The director was Francis Lawrence (Constantine, I Am Legend, Water for Elephants and The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 and 2).

D. Here is Peeta on the cover of OUT and his ass on instagram.

E. What the fuck is a Jabber Jay?

F. I liked this group of all stars more than part 1’s contestants. All Stars is more fun.

G. UMMMM why was this not played in the credits.

H. Mags was my favorite character.

I. They need to catch up with the times. She should pick both dudes and have a triad relationship. The more hands the better bitch.

J. Lenny Kravitz is back for another round.

K. Get out of my cornucopia bitch!

L. This movie is based on Road Rules: All Stars.

M. I guess the enemy is President Donald.